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Words

A blog by LenaCs in General

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About this blog

Poetry, unsent letters, and whatever my therapist says I should write.

Entries in this blog

Complicated feelings

Anniversary

I've been staying away from AS for a few months now. Not because of the site itself. This community has probably saved my life in more than one occasion, especially in the early days when I was left to pick up the pieces by myself after the assault. But I've been trying to distance myself from what happened. And as helpful as AS has been to me, it kept bringing up feelings and "memories" that I didn't want to relive.    ...but I'm here again. Yesterday was the first anniversary of the
Complicated feelings

What a shitty night

I'm sorry, I just need to talk to someone, and since I've got no one to talk to, writing on here is the second best option.  Now, I realise how dangerous it is to have one singular person as your whole support system. Even more so if you're not on equal footing. For over six months now since the incident happened, my mom has become my support system. Not that she's perfect by all means—but she's the best I've got. Yeah, I have a therapist. She's great. I've literally had a session yesterday
Complicated feelings

I contacted my father for the first time after 2.5 years of silence

I cut him off completely the summer 2.5 years ago. My father is not the reason I’m on AS, but he was emotionally abusive, going as far as to lock me in his apartment for hours while he was at work, or raising his hand (though he never struck me, because 16 year old me had enough common sense to realise that I was in danger, and I managed to calm him down enough that he wouldn’t hit me). For a year when I was 16-17, I lived alone in Hungary, only daring to go to the capital with my hood pulled up
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