What I Want to Say

I joined recently after feeling not heard for years. I read another blog entry that said," I used to be so happy and care free now I can't go on a simple date or to the grocery store, I need help".  I feel horrified that that person feels the way she does.  My story is painful to talk about, I like to continue living life knowing it happened and I can't go back and change it.  What would my life be like if I hadn't been taken advantage of.  There are days when I ask myself, how can someone be so evil to have done that. I didn't ask for help until recently.  I am from a small town and people talk.  Professionals say to not care what other people think.  When I do that, I am seen as selfish or rude.  The events that happened to me shaped me into who I am.  Once joining and seeing the endless forums and blogs I realize I'm not the only one and it gives me hope.  I feel I've been told to not say anything from people I told.  Once talking to a counselor, she said not everyone knows how to react.  I wasn't asked what happened to me after.  Why? Why wasn't I rescued?  I am not homeless,  I have loving parents.   But, somedays it just seems I am not understood.  I want everyone not just my family anyone I meet to shout from the rooftops this terrible human being did this on this night and it was wrong.  Then, I feel don't be bitter be better than those people.  I read a coping strategy article that said write a letter to your attacker, but do not mail it.  I wonder to this day what that person thinks when he lives his life.  I will never be the same person I was before.  Others say, this will make you stronger.  I have never written about my feelings before, and it only makes me want to talk about them.  I relive those moments, over and over.   I do not want to be silent anymore.  The unbearable feeling of knowing he is less than five minutes from my residence makes me uneasy.  I am building up strength to report my attacks.   I am searching to find others that reported and how it made them feel.