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It has been some time since my last blog entry. My therapist noticed somehow in the last few months, after 18 years of therapy with him, I was somehow getting better. That I had told him more about my grandfather's sexual abuse as a child in the last few months then I had in the entire 18 years he had known me. He took no credit, my psychiatrist took no credit. I think It all boils down to activity in this site. I have opened up for the first time. And though it's just typing, I know there are w
So for the last two nights I have been having dreams about my oldest freind from childhood J*. The first dream I didn't write down specifics but I remember some things and then last night again. IN the first dream She and I were upsate at my gradfathers where it all happened. And in the second dream it started there though it ended where I was at her house. When I was older I dated her brother and we had a dog that I loved with every part of me. In both dreams J* was sick, not physically, and
My Hell started when I was 4 when my grandfather had started to sexually abuse me. It went on for years. Infact it went on until he died when I was about 12. I probably spent a year finally feeling free. I always dissociated during the abuse, so what happened I did not remember, but the fear and icky feelings were there and I knew I did not want to be near him, though I knew not why. however about a year after he died I blocked that off too so the entire abuse was lost to my awareness. Infact I