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About this blog

Random ramblings of a fellow chocolate lover, need I say more?

Entries in this blog

"Initiate shut-down sequence immediately!"

Well, would ya look at that...TWO blog entries in two weeks - a good start to my promise to do some more writing/mental uploading! This entry can mostly be attributed to Oompa's prompt and not-a-moment-too-soon departure on Thursday morning - she and my stepfather were here for two nights.  My father (to many: 'Lord Capulet') and his wife were ALSO in town, and since Monday, I've spend every day with one or both of my parents and their spouses - 'the steps.'  Yesterday afternoon was the fir
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The ABCs of Me

Well, it seems I've started a new trend of updating 2x a month rather than weekly, but my promise to you all is that I'll TRY to blog more frequently. I have truly missed my for-the-hell-of-it writing and do resolve to get back into the routine of doing so regularly.  It's important to me to keep the mental wheels turning, even if they tend to slow down from time to time.   I've just not had much to update you all on - other than I've had a one-week reprieve from the wintery joy that is hom
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Goodbye, 2018!

Have I REALLY been gone since December 4th?   Yes, friends - this is VERY much unlike me.  Those of you who know me - know that when my mind is cluttered and my brain is busy - I write.  It's how I make sense of things.  To say that my mind has been clear lately would be a lie - there's SO much clutter up there - it's starting to look like Grandma's attic! (Although MY grandmother, may she rest in peace, did not have an attic - she had a basement that scared the shit out of me for most of m
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The light bulb DOES work!

The first time I attempted to get this entry started, I got maybe two words typed out before my very demanding cat jumped up onto the desk, spilling my pencil holder of its contents as well as knocking my (thankfully covered) water bottle as well as other empty soda cans and nail polish bottles over.  I'm telling you - when this boy wants his love and affection, he stops at absolutely nothing and often resorts to destruction! So - here is attempt number two, now that I've banished him to th
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Bumpity bump...

Okay, friends - I lied.   I FULLY intended to be here and updating a day or two before Thanksgiving, but WHEN do things go exactly as planned!?  I'm just glad that I was able to extend to you all a proper Thanksgiving greeting in some way or another before the holiday.  Additionally, it is my hope that you all made it through the holiday unscathed and that you're all gearing up for Christmas!!   I'm here now, so that's what matters. My Thanksgiving started off horribly.  It was s
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Layers of the Lotus

Have you ever walked into a class or a training or instructional setting to find that you already knew the material? This week's group meeting was exactly this for me.  I arrived a few minutes early so that I could use the bathroom and just sit and relax for a few minutes prior to the meeting.  Once I sat down and saw in front of me the art materials, I sort of knew right away what we'd be working on.  There were watercolors, crayons, markers, cups of water, paint brushes, glue, and two set
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Fast-forward three years, what do I see?

Huh.  Whadda-ya-know? I'm having a little bit of difficulty with my 'assignment.'  The counselor I saw last week gave me something to ponder for the next time we were to meet (there is no appointment set, yet) and I was happy to have something to occupy my thoughts with and even more giddy when she said I could write it out!  I suspect she understands the level of effectiveness writing has on me, so she was quick to encourage some 'writing homework' on my way out.  I accepted the assignment
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Was I surprised? Why, yes, indeed...

Hello, friends.  As many of you already know, I spend a good portion of every day just thinking.  You could call it self-meditation I guess, but without the breathing exercises as most of my current thoughts do not warrant 'calming' breaths.  I just find myself sitting silently, staring into space, and just zoning.   This past week has been one of those weeks where a lot of thinking and reflection has been done.  I am now finding that I'm feeling uncertain about some things - if not uncerta
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Why am I here?

Happy Halloween, friends!  I hope everyone is satisfying their sweet tooth and staying safe in the process! Will try not to scare anyone with today's blog entry.  It won't be a long one - it serves as a little bit of a double purpose, though.   To clarify - I made an appointment for a 1:1 session with the woman who runs the monthly support group that I have been attending.  At the close of the last meeting, I inquired on potential volunteer opportunities for me, and a possible 1:1 sess
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"I get it, Ma..."

Hi, friends. I don't normally post a spontaneous blog entry...usually I save these periodic updates for when I find that I've been struggling or something has 'clicked,' or unless I feel there's generally more to say.  Sometimes, though, it's okay to post the shorter entries, too, and in the interests of keeping the mind-clutter down to a minimum, I want to share a little thought I had this morning...a thought that didn't immediately register, but instead was automatically shuffled back to
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Turbulence ahead - fasten your seat belt!

Hi, all!   I'm not sure what today's blog is going to be primarily about, so we'll call it a smorgasbord.  We'll try a little bit of everything!  It's been a turbulent week (I've been using that word a lot - I feel it best describes a lot of the unexpected emotional twists I've had to endure this past week) and today is only the second day that I haven't felt as if I were on the verge of tears.  I've done a lot of thinking and have been able to put a few things into perspective, so am feeli
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Sounded like a good idea at first...

Hi friends, So sorry for the lapse in communication lately!  I've been sort of lurking (and I'm not sure I like that word, either - seems almost too 'creepy' to use on a site like this one) and have been doing more reading of than responding to but as always, my thoughts and well wishes have remained with you all.  I just needed a little time to adjust to and process the downswing of last week, when I was dealing with the passing of yet another anniversary.  Happy to say that sleeping has g
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Because of you...a traumaversary letter.

Dear Eddie, It has taken me at least five whole minutes to decide whether a piece of shit like you warranted a 'dear.'  It was completely out of habit that I started this letter in the same polite, courteous way I would start a letter to anyone else.  YOU, however, are not just 'anyone else.'   I also debated whether or not I should use your name - I don't even know if it's your real name.  Either way, I have decided that I want people to know exactly who you are - and unfortunately, u
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Short and sweet...

Friends, I promised an update on my PT appointment sometime last weekend - and surely, you've noticed that I've said nothing. Simply because there's really nothing to report other than my orthopedic doctor is an incompetent idiot. Regardless of the fact that his office made the appointment for me to have my first PT appointment, the order was never sent downstairs to the 'gym.'  And so, last Friday, I showed up in my workout clothes, completed the registration, sign-in, co-pay, et
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All right, FALL, bring it! Bring. It.

Hi, everyone. Here's hoping you're all well this week!  How am I?  I don't know, honestly.  Mentally, I'm fine.  Physically, I'm falling the fuck apart and I don't understand why.  You would think that losing over 40 pounds (yes, yes, I did...consider that your small, harmless weight update without details!) would make me feel better - and it has.  But lately, after bowling, my left hip has been hurtin' something awful.  It's usually fine if I sit stationary, but getting up to get a water r
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What the heart needs...

Hello, everyone!  TWO blogs in a week????  How unusual.  Or is it?   Well, guess what?   I did it.  I did something I PROBABLY should have done years (and YEARS) ago, and joined a local support group.   Firstly, let me explain something to you all.  I'd always thought about joining a support group.  I've always fallen victim to loneliness - ALWAYS.  Being hearing impaired is only one contributor to this constant feeling of being the outsider and never quite being able to fit in, but it
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No thinking required today - come on in!

Hi, all. Here is a little bit of an in-betweener kind of post.  I've had a bit of an emotional week and while I build up to writing about it, I've chosen to keep my mind circulating by blogging about something a little bit lighter today.  Something that makes me smile and laugh.  It's important to share those things, too - not just the stuff that requires deep contemplation.  I believe that we all need a little bit of a break from that every once in a while.   There is one little Oompa
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Warning: Long, bumpy road ahead. Wear comfy sneakers!

Hi, everyone!  #51 in the works.   And it's been less than a week since my last blog entry, so hey, progress already! I'd like to paint a mental picture for you all - may seem a little strange and somewhat comical if I'm successful, but please do bear with me for there is (almost) always a method to my madness as far as thoughts go. First off, I am picturing the New York State Marathon.  I am a native New Yorker and have seen this event both in person as well as on TV.  If you've seen
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Finally hit #50!

Have y'all been here for the 49 other blog entries?  Proud to say this is the longest running blog I've had in years.  Whether entries were added in the middle of the day or the middle of the night, I've learned a lot by writing my thoughts here.  I've gained valuable feedback and perspective from YOU, my readers, and I DEEPLY appreciate all of you! Seeing as this is entry number 50 (are you sick of my ramblings, yet?) I wanted to make it a good, meaningful one.  I know I've been absent for
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9

How about a tasty epiphany for dinner?

Today's been somewhat productive.   I probably should be getting ready to wind down and attempt to sleep but instead, my fingertips are tingling; if nothing else, it's a signal that my brain will simply not allow me to sleep until I've said my piece. I'll start with this backstory... Lately, my fiancee's relationship with her boss has shifted more toward a developing friendship than strictly professionalism.  This woman is J's direct supervisor, but J is also her 'right hand,' she
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1

Breaking patterns and whacking moles...

*** This was also posted in the Aftermath section.  It was a little bit longer than the standard length of most posts there but the message I hope to convey is a powerful one and I feel that it is more than just a post.  I've copied/pasted it here because while it was meant to be a post, it's also another one of my famous 'cleanses' and certainly belongs here, too.  ***   This is likely going to turn out to be a long post. I apologize in advance.  There's just an enormous amount of bra
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The piping hot mess that is me.

I've been quiet for the past week.  I'm sorry, guys.   After my last entry, I've had a lot to think about.  That incredibly annoying voice in my head is back, and even though I'm deaf, I can still hear it.  There's a hamster, that although is cute in a little hairy rodent sort of way, is CONSTANTLY running in his little wheel situated in the middle of my brain...every time the wheel turns, a new question, thought, memory, WHATEVER, is thrown into the fray and is resulting in less of that th
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Really???? Now this, too?

I’m sitting here, amazed.  Just amazed.  Or completely flabbergasted.  Or a mix of both.  That expression, ‘one step forward, two steps backwards’ makes SO much sense today.  And there’s absolutely no particular reason for it.  It’s not something someone said, it’s not because of something I read.  It just hit me and brought with it the elusive sense of clarity that had been hiding for a long time. You see, I thought I knew everything about myself.  With the exception of the fuzzy, not-y
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I thought I was past this!

*** possible trigger warning for medical procedure details, etc.  I've kept it as mild as I could but you just never know. *** Hello friends! Apologies for not getting this blog out sooner.   It's been a busy few days and I've not had the quiet time that my writing usually requires. This is the follow-up to the 'Have you seen my big-girl panties?' blog entry; with a bit of added information that I don't believe I've shared yet.   Firstly, the mammogram results showed some cal
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I'm bigger than you, now....jerk!

Years ago, I used to spend a lot of time interpreting dreams.  Mostly my own, but whenever someone else told me theirs, I'd sit with them and we'd together make sense of why they dreamt about this person, why they'd dreamt of themselves either doing or behaving in a certain way, the list went on.  It was healing to be able to make sense of certain dreams, and so I kept a notebook and whenever I had one, I'd write down whatever I could remember so that I could further analyze them later.  I haven
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