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About this blog

Random ramblings of a fellow chocolate lover, need I say more?

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Just be.

Every day, if traffic and other circumstances permit, I arrive to work a few minutes early.  It’s not a lot of time; it’s maybe three or four minutes before I have to clock in.  This is time I spend in the car, just kind of sitting - trying to mentally prepare for the day to start, even though I’d already been awake for over an hour.  Let me be clear - I’m too fucking lazy to get a coffee on my commute, knowing that the coffee machine in the teacher’s lounge is there waiting for me is a comfort.
Capulet

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Blogs

Weathering the yearly fog…

I’ll start by saying that what you are about to read took much less time to type out than it did to come up with a title for today’s blog entry.  I just threw in what I did because at this point, the ability to come up with something clever has momentarily disappeared. Hoping you’re all having a good day, week, month, etc, etc.   I am, without a doubt, buried underneath work, family and dog obligations, doctor appointments, a messy house, financial burden, league bowling, postseason ba
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Blogs

Reflecting back on the last year.

Hey, AS family and friends.   I know it's been a while.  Over a year since my last entry.  (I'm sorry.) I guess I just haven't made myself open to talking.  There's probably a lot that I could have filled everyone in on, but for some reason, I guess it was more appealing to stuff it in the 'maybe later' pile that resides in the back of my head.  That pile has since begun to overflow, scattering messiness everywhere.  I'm scattered lately.  Forgetful.  More irritable over the simplest t
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Blogs

It's all connected.

I know I am good at writing about my feelings.  That’s always been the case with me.  Talking about them – not so much, but writing about them always enables me to explore them further in depth. Lately, I’ve had a lot on my mind and plate.  It shows at home the most, where I am constantly snapping - my daughter and I have been like snapping turtles lately, but we have gotten better at communicating as politely as possible whenever one of us is getting on the other's nerves.  It shows at work - I
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The Best Way We Know How

To anyone who needs to hear this…. ❤️   When we come face to face with trauma, Knowing what to do doesn’t exist. There are no answers as to why. There is no instruction manual or guidance. Some of us didn’t tell anyone. Some of us did. Some of us didn’t have a choice. Some were brave right from the start. Some of us took a while to get there. For some, trauma is new. For others, it is old but feels new. For some, danger still exists. But we all dealt with it
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Blogs

She sure didn't get it from me!

I'm both proud and disgusted with myself this afternoon. My daughter, who is a couple months shy of seventeen, texted me this morning, letting me know that she ended her relationship with her boyfriend of over a year.  They got together at the very beginning of December, 2021, so it's been a while. A while of this young man coming to my house after school every day, walking in and out as he pleased, eating my food, drinking my sodas, coming along with us whenever we tried to do a 'family' t
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You, too? Or no, just me?

Hi, AS Family! I miss journaling.  I really do.  I’m first of all, thankful that there is some downtime at work where I can do some writing.  Today is such a day and I’ve had a few somethings to ponder, lately. I often read posts that leave me nodding my head in agreement or in silent understanding.  Or, of course, feeling as if I could have written these words, myself.  While it’s kinda daunting at times, it’s also one of the many benefits of group healing. How validating it is, to be
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People-Pleasing and Boundaries

Hey, AS family! How're you all doing? I'd like to first preface this journal entry by making clear that I am in NO WAY blaming any of you for the traumatic experiences you've endured at the hands of others.  THEY are the ones responsible - not you.  THEY chose to harm you - therefore, THEY are one hundred percent at fault.  This journal entry is one of my rare emotion-dumps that may or may not make sense, given the hour.  It will make sense later, though, I promise.  We have a snow day
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26 years!

Today marks 26 years since my rape.  It's surreal that this much time has gone by while sometimes, it feels as if it were only yesterday. Thank you to those of you who reached out with hugs and words of support and encouragement today - as well as the days leading up to today. I loathe 10/4 with every fiber of my being but knowing you're all thinking of me does help. I just want you all to know that I am doing all right. The last few weeks have been cloudy, and I expect I will remain in a
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Teenage girls....ayyy yi yi yi!!

Just checking in with y'all to clarify that my daughter is miserable and it's all my fault.  At least, that's what I'm getting from her latest tirade. It's my fault that my daughter has a cold. It's my fault that she has her period right now. It's my fault that she's large-chested and complains that her back hurts because of it. It's my fault that she's a GIRL, and that she exists! EVERYTHING is my fault. I probably should backtrack, right? 😉  I've been sick si
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Update time!

Hi, all!  I just wanted to pass by with a quick (maybe?) update, for I know that I have been extremely neglectful to my blog lately.  I've been around on the site, though - that is unchanging.  Even so, I don't like feeling so disconnected from my blog.  It's always been a place I would come to write things out and process - a place to share things I've had on my mind, a place to gain feedback and support.  I confess that lately, I've not known what to say about anything, so in turn, I've n
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25

So...today is twenty-five years.  A quarter of a century.  Which one sounds better?  Or worse?  Especially when something that happened twenty-five years ago is still fresh in one’s mind?   Three years ago, I wrote a letter to my rapist and posted it as a blog entry.  I found myself reading it again the other day.  Why?  I don’t know.  Nothing’s changed.  I still stand by all of what I managed to say to him, knowing that he’d never read the letter.  I guess it’s different when you know that
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Crawling out from under the debris....

Well, folks… It’s been a minute?  Or two?  Or…like…six months?   I have returned to this blog many times over the last six months with an itch to write.  To vent, to yell, scream and cry on paper/screen.  But, then, I’d close it out following an exasperated, ‘never mind.’  This is typical me, though.  I tend to let things build up and then to sit down and write about it all will feel like a more daunting task because by then, there’s a lot that’s piled up and I’m more likely to be sayi
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