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sense I started blogging thats all I do. I someway can not seem to open up anymore. I'm afraid to talk on forums. Its lil I found a biding place and I'm stuck. I do not know who to talk to. I call a crisis line everyday. I shake and jump uncontrollably. I hate this feeling. I'm so afraid. Doe one somewhere will hurt me they will find me seek me out or just bam. I am a hermit at the moment but our van djed today so its on my feet out there now so come Monday I start walking. It will be ok. I will
I have noticed a connection with my moods/parts of me. And blanking out /distracting myself. /moods taking over in that moment and I can not listen. I feel awkward like I'm suddenly on display the talking to me is way to much attention /possibly overload on info or emotions
read elenor rest is vital and research in my self find supporters. For donna 🌹
Love yourself how you wanna be loved. Oh yea. Own it when its you. No hiding come on out. Responsible. School is coming up fast.
I do not know how to speak about my personal self. Its actually easier to just let go and step back and let my feelings/emotions take over. I feel stupid. Out of place. Like i will never belong to a person or place I am a shell of this person people like and to a family who loves and needs me.
I am disappointed to say I am selfish carless suicidal passionate for life to gel others. I am a list. I hate myself I can not stand being me sometimes. If I would step back and look at myself. I see
hits, hey, what's up whTs up 👆 any way how is everyone?
I am feeling a bit shy is that hidden.? I just want to get to know y'all.
we are a team see thats where it gets confusing . A team all aware of when most of identities shift. But sometimes there are holes. Aww this is scary stuff. Its new it will be ok.
we have each other I wish hubby would join you but he is not a soul that gets this. Well what do you want to do tomorrow? I was thinking about the dressures and mirrors things
llHshehhehheh
;)so lets see how this goes.
:'(yeah out loud
why not
please talk out loud
so its just the two of you right now. Wow this is interesting wanna talk to you guys more often now wounded people talk to them selves .
ok sure they do not have people talking back. Technically your all me
oh ok
so I am talking to two others. So kinda like a three way conversation but the one not talking is me lol
tricky
shy:'( scared antisocial for a reason
shouted that I'm so sick of you always saying I will not let people pay me back Lia has food in mouth and Li l willl get varied away and will bring food in here
then added how I bloodied him up in past I
🌑 i feel the need to focus on why i can not remember certain conversations.
🌑 why does my handwriting change
🌑 what does being influenced have to do with it. Its lil the only time all the leases fit and if sober then i act the Sam as when i am aware of there presence but only
the tears are in the back of my throat but not falling. But I deffinamtly feel blue. Numb. At the dame timeshy ashamed I feel like I'm going to snap I am afraid to get help Manny resins. I need a human to talk to or do I? A week ago I had them my moods lets call them. Remembering needed info to keep me on track.
completely irrisponsable go with the wind no consaquinesea can touch me.
then there's the eat till I am so gone:-o
then the forgotten one who allows things to slip by witho
I was upset today. I know why *_* someone I care about does not get me only sometimes.
it is exhausting listening to mean words pt me downs.(like please do not be that stupid)
I am in a place where I freeze up when someone is angry.
Ps I self medicated on food it worked
who are you exactly? People love you those who know you are blessed. Some think you at crazy. Others try but you turn away. You re terrified . You are a survived. You are a nurturer. A mother and a wife. Daughter granddaoughter and cousins' doughter in law. I am alone crazy. A sl*t a lost and hurt person. Why I am these things log drawn out stories. But right now I need to find a way to reach out I feel the door closing. I do not know if I will have another chance to reach them but i must try fo
I at this point have never been ______. I did not remember or had no knowledge of any. I was taking my laundry down to the laundry room. The door on the end of the hall was open and there were a group of guys. They were talking and laughing. When I walked by they got quiet. Then started up again. They were fro irac. They were speaking in another language. I started to walk around the building as a caution. My hairs were standing on end. I get it in my gut. I shook off myself warning as paranoia.
I have currently been searching for a way to let things out. I have stopped calling crisis lines. I do not know if its shame or if I feel I deserve the consequences of being alone or the pain I am in. I want to be ok. I want to be here for my family. They would be the ones left to suffer. Also I do not want them to give up so this will be the biggest thing I can show them in life just now. I am hopeful I can get through and or over this mania/what ever.
One day I hope to help reach people w
