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Here I am again! It did took me a really long time to start being here again. I have been empty of some kind. It hit me so hard the fact that my mom has known of the abuse much more than she wants me to believe. And that I always have thought the abuse started at the age of seven now can at least be around 4-5 years old, if not even as a baby. I am devastated. I don´t know what to feel or think. For some reason I want to be able to feel sorry for my dad. On the other hand I am feeling angry at a
I have written about this in Gathering Place aswell. I did wanted to get it to my blog since then I have all my writings under one place so to say... Gosh, it was really hard to get this written.
I was visiting my parents for a longer weekend (late Friday evening – Thuesday afternoon). I had basically two missions. One was succeedly done. I had planned that I would ask my cousin´s mom how I was as a child. Unfortunately there didn´t come any change for that. Secondly I had planned to go an
Still I haven´t met the mother. The old friend I didn´t meet. I didn´t thought of that, that she was just visiting her parents over the weekend (while she´s living elsewhere). Today late afternoon I will be visiting the mom. I am afraid and feeling unsure how to feel and think about the visit. I am not sure how much she does remember of our childhood (since she´s having the MS). I think I will just have to wiat and see the situation as it comes.
Today we had my cousin´s parents for coffee. They are not living nearby, they have a cottage were they are now when they are on holiday. I was glad to meet them since I haven´t met them for about two years. I was close to my cousin and her parents when I was a child. My T and I have talked about that I should ask somebody that knew me as a child about how I was as a child. My cousin´s mom is one of them. So I hope I will get another chance to talk to her. Today wasn´t the time.
I just came home from a boat trip. Smiiiile. Though, I am pretty tired so we thought with my friend that we will meet tomorrow. Perhaps I also will take the dogs, so then they also can have some fun with my friends dogs. I am really nervous about the meeting. On the other hand I will just see how it goes.
I am not sure how to explain this... As a child I had problems with ear infections. We were so many times to the local health nurse. Every time I was there as a child (I can´t remember how old I was) the health nurse she was wondering if I had something to tell her. That if there was something else than the ears bothering me. Every time my mom said to me before I went in to the "nurse" that I shuldn´t tell the nurse anything. I can´t imagine that the nurse didn´t think that there wasn´t somethin
I think I am feeling like this, empty and bubbling at the same time, since I am going to my parents on friday. I will stay there until thuesday. We are going there once a year (or twice if the winter is enough good). More than that I can´t cope with. The ONLY reason I am going there is since there I feel so free when out on the see with a boat. The water itself and the sound (when it comes against cliffs and or the shore) is so soothing. And there I can walk with the dogs in the forrest, my furr
I am just full of words and text it seems today. I know I shouldn´t be embarressed over to posting, but when posting 4-5 post on a day... And almost after each other. Hmm... Well, I have indeed been thinking of posting these subject for a while and it seems that I am today in a row of doing things I haven´t been able to to do until now. An example of this is the coffee; I have been wondering for this for years. Why the coffee is so importent to drink, when I don´t even like it. I just can´t stan
I am wondering if anybody else has experienced that they can´t read properly, it gets blurred, like you should get your eyesight checked out?
I have had it now for a while. When I am not tneced or stressed I can read books, websites etc really good. then suddenly it gets blurry and the sentences in a text gets blurred into each other. I have been thinking it´s my eyesight but on the other hand it could be related to that every time this is happening I am reading something importent. Like he
Yeah! Finally I choosed what I want... I did it bigbaaang, so I did shop kind of two different.
This and this (mixed)!
I don´t know... one part of the process is the hunt of the product itself... So what´s next?!! lol
I don´t care if it´s sold as a "breast cancer wristband" the one that it´s teal awareness... I know why I bought it.
Happy me!
Okey, this is what I have written in the Venting section. Though, I want to say a bit more here. At my own page.
I did put a post about it already in Venting. I don´t know why I get them. I know this "obsession" has to do something with the childhood events (abuse) but haven´t yet figured out what´s hiding behind all this. And why I don´t follow them to the end. Like now I have that with buying both a camera and (awareness) thin silicon wristband.
I think it will be THIS as first. Then I have got so much others that I would like to have but the amount isn´t right. These two are ones I also look at. I
I read today I post about triggers. I haven´t given them so much thoughts since it feels like I don´t have such ones. But I did have a few when I started to think. They haven´t been so triggering or should I say at all. I just get a sence of that I know this smell/thing and I don´t like it. I have never though had one that would have just suddenly come to me and that had made me freak out.
· Body lotion (Ldb)
· Lip fat (round yellow Vaseline)
· To d
Hello!
I have for a long time been wondering if I should blog or not. And why not.
Since it´s just for us at AS and not as eg the ones at wordpress.com.
Here I know I will be both private (anybody can´t read this) and also I do (hopefully) get followers in time that do understand from where I come.
So I will give it a try, though English isn´t my native language, I will indeed write in English.
Hopefully you´ll have fun!
