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Damaged Goods

A blog by tkkt in General

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About this blog

Is that what I am now? Damaged. Mentally and emotionally I am damaged. I can see it taking a toll on my relationships. After what happened I've become distant and cold. I'm giving people reasons to not be near me because I want them to stop loving me. My boyfriend who I love so much... I find myself cringing at the notion of being intimate after what happened between me and my molester. I want to fix myself for my boyfriend but I can't heal when I have no support at home.

Everyone at home acts like nothing ever happened and I am to forget it ever happened. I can't forget when it occurred in my own room. I've come to hate coming home and putting on this facade. I don't want to act like I'm okay for everyone else anymore. I want to heal but no one wants to talk about what happened. I want my family to come to the realization that I am damaged, this whole family is now damaged. I can be repaired, but this family cannot.

It was broken from the moment that he made the decision to do what he did.

Entries in this blog

Three days until my birthday

I finally figured out what I want for my birthday, I need to meet my real dad. I need to talk to him and then let go of the past.
tkkt

tkkt

1

One Step at a Time

My birthday is coming up soon. I'm not happy at where I am in life, I imagined being this age and doing greater things. I guess that is my own fault really. I'll be celebrating my one and half year soon... that's a really long time for me. I've never been able to have a long relationship even though all I ever wanted was one. It's sad what abandonment and trust issues can do to a young girl.  Well, I'm glad I found him. I know he is the lo
tkkt

tkkt

0

Forgive and Forget

Forgive, forgive, forgive... can I do that? I could, but the real question is should I? Should I forgive him for telling me to lie about what I did? Jeopardizing my relationship with my mother?.. my mother, the one person I love most in this world. Why would would ask me to do that for you after what you've done? Why the hell should I forgive you when you've done it multiple times, you and your brother.  Do you know how many nights I cried and how many times I sta
tkkt

tkkt

0

Why Am I the Only One Suffering with it Every day?

My boyfriend doesn't understand why I can't trust men. I can't because they have all had a history of hurting me. I know he might not be like the others but I have to be careful.  I didn't think that those other men would hurt me like that, but they did. You know why? Because the ones you love the most always ends up being the one to hurt you the most.
tkkt

tkkt

2

Facing my molester

I see him everyday. Every damn day of my life and I have to put up with it. Some days I miss how things were between us, some days I have these vindictive thoughts. I want to hear him sorry. I think that's what I need. I  need everyone in my family to stop pretending that it didn't happen. I need them to face the damn facts. I was molested multiples times and I didn't speak up because I didn't want to tear the family apart. The last time it happened I couldn't take it anymore, I broke...
tkkt

tkkt

0

Today was a good day

I was at peace writing in my journal, listening to music, and taking walks. I was happy today. I got through the day without crying or seeing flashes of that night. That's a major achievement for me. Today I felt loved by my grandmother, best friend, and boyfriend. They kept me going today. They showed me that they still genuinely care and love me. There is hope...
tkkt

tkkt

0

I'm not alone after all...

After joining this site I realized that a lot of you feel exactly how I feel. You take the words right out of my mouth. Some times I feel like it was all made up in my head and it wasn't real. Some times I feel like I can forgive. Sometimes I start crying out of nowhere. Sometimes I start to feel hopeless and depressed and other times I feel powerful. Overall, I'm just glad I found this and I found you all.
tkkt

tkkt

0
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