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About this blog

Different stories / situations I've found myself in

Entries in this blog

Therapy reflections

24/11/2023

My last T session.  At least with my current T.  And I'm properly going to miss her.  She was amazing.   Today, today was sort of funny in a way.  Really really sad, loads of serious stuff, but also funny.  We were talking about my mum and the abuse, the violence, the lack of care, and also the love she showed - the Jekyll and Hyde character and she asked what it was I'd want to say to her if she were sat there now (she's long passed away).  My answer was quite simple, it was just 'Why?'. 
Therapy reflections

21/07/2023

Today was incredibly hard, so much so I'm not even sure I want to type it out.  But maybe it'll help me to do so.  So we started off talking a bit about a dream I'd had about feelings relating to being bullied when I was young.  Then we started talking about the police and the r*pe and how they had said they weren't taking it forward because though there were signs of rape, there were also signs of consenual sex (I believe they were refering to when I organismed and I pushed his head).  But then
Therapy reflections

14/07/2023

Today was kind of a slow session, but strangely it made me really tired, so I was really glad I only had 45 minutes to work this afternoon.  We talked about a few things, about the guy who assaulted me on the tube when I was 16, that my mum basically didn't want to know when I tried telling her about it.  We talked about my mum quite a lot actually, how she treated me and my sister differently, and whether she ever felt guilty for leaving us in the care of the uncle who abused us (though I don't
Therapy reflections

30/06/2023

Today at T I was really sad about the stuff with my dad.  It's hard to think about it sometimes.  I find myself shutting down emotionally, going numb.  But today I was crying.  It's been a long time since I've cried.  I'm so restricted/inhibited now.  I keep everything in check.  My dad didn't physically touch me - he just did stuff in front of me.  But this is enough to have had a massive effect on me.  It's made me think of men as disgusting vile creatures, and of very needy weak people that a
Therapy reflections

23/06/2023

Had my second T session today.  We talked about all the other stuff other than the r*pe.  So the assault when I was 16, my dad touching himself in front of me, and being sexually abused as a very small child (which I don't remember - was only 3 and 3/4 when it came out) but that led to my mother being violent towards me (I was the one who spoke up and he ended up assaulting my mother for what turned out to be again - she'd been abused by him when she was a teenager herself, don't even ask how we
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