I am new to all of this as a victim. I have always been victim support as most of the women and some of the men in my family are survivors of abuse and/or rape. I had no idea I would be so shattered by what happened to me. I was lucky in many ways. Had certain things not happened, like my friend and roomie being home in the next room, or had I stayed out later, I may not be here to even post this. I am a grateful, positive person. Everyone in my life who knows what happened is incredibly loving and supportive, including my boyfriend.
I suppose I will post more in the share your story section.
I am usually a very open, heart on my sleeve kind of person about everything, even the bad things that I have happened to me. This time, though, I feel uncomfortable talking about it. I bottle it up and try and forget it, to move on. But then it comes right back up because of the nightmares, or a comment, or I think I see him in public. I feel dirty, used. I feel like it was my fault. That I let him do that. After all of my friends and family who have been through it, I always thought I would fight back to the death.
I am here to get these things out. To talk to people who understand and have been there. Maybe in time, with enough talking and less bottling, I can come together again. I really hate that for once I have a happy life and amazing partner and yet I carry this wound around with me still.
Thank you, in advance for being awesome people and anyone who takes time to read and respond to anything I post.