I've started to type this a thousand times over but there isnt the right words to fully express myself,so here's my best attempt through my tears.(a weight is lifting)
I was first molested at the age of 2 by my mom's boyfriend. The same guy also was molesting my brother who was 3. (I had nightmares like no other of a shadowed figure, which i later found out the shadow was my moms boyfriend) Fast foward to 8 yrs a relative (who was 15) began to rape me for 4 months until my mother found out. I was spanked and thrown into the tub and was told I was a dirty girl (at this point he had only taken off my clothes). To this day she will not listen to what actually happened. She says she knows everything thats ever happened to me and wont listen. After that I have no great memories of childhood really. My mom became very abusive, pyshically and emotionally (eventually she made me drop out school,quit church and my job). when I was 15 my bro molested me for about a month. It was unpreventable, I would wake up to him with my top or pants almost off. I have serious sleep issues to this day. Anywhos, after dropping out at 17 I started to drinking... wrong idea... I had found a friend who loved to drink with a community basketball team. I dont remember the exact details of this night, just me saying no over and over again. There's a few times after that where I dont feel like it was completely concentual because at those times I was so drunk and I was told I fell asleep during the sex but I dont honestly know.... So here I am at 23, hating sex and myself,feeling worthless,terrified of my nightmares and now looking for support. Because keeping my pain in is killing me... How do you coop riddle me this?