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Searching For Help As Secondary


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14 replies to this topic

#1 Becky18

Becky18

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Posted 25 February 2013 - 10:20 AM

Hi I'm Becky,

 

I'm here because I am trying to help my husband and myself deal with his childhood attack and the aftermath.  We have been married many years and this is beginning to affect our marriage.

 

I married him suspecting there was abuse of some sort in his past.  He would never tell me though I often gave him an opening. Then he became depressed and began to close me out.  Anyway when something happened at his work place he had to tell me what had been going on  and yes that explained his depression and him pushing me away.  Trying to explain what had happened and why I had wondered then if the incident was related to abuse as I was suspecting even more that that was in his past. I struggled quiet a bit with what had happened but he never wanted to talk about and didn't want me to talk about it even with people who had witnessed what we call a breakdown for lack of a better word.  Then 2 years later he confessed that he had been attacked and raped. We dealt with it very little but thought he was basically ok.  And if he was ok, I was ok.  Now it has re-surfaced.  He has found support with some friends---and now I need some help and support too I think.  I've considered finding a therapist but feel that maybe just having a secondary friend to talk to would be helpful. 

 

I hope there is someone here to help-----just looking around this site it looks like there is a secondary forum but it looks like no one has posted on it since Oct.  Am I looking in the wrong place...I hope posting here was the right thing to do. 

 

Thanks,

Becky

 



#2 spark3686

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Posted 25 February 2013 - 11:23 AM

Becky wanted to let you know that the site has just got back up and running after a big crash that caused it to loose all the more recent data . So give it time and thing will be back to normal in the secondary forum too as members find thier way back to AS.

 

   Welcome by the way, here to offer support if you need it



#3 Maley

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Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:17 PM

Hello Becky
I am so glad I opened your post as my situation sounds like your husbands. I am so sorry you are both going through this and I am so glad you reached out here! I am on my iPhone getting my oil changed but would love to write to you in support later today. I am a survivor of CSA and it has affected my marriage too...this is a great place to receive support and I hope you find all you need and deserve!

#4 Becky18

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Posted 25 February 2013 - 02:32 PM

Hello Becky
I am so glad I opened your post as my situation sounds like your husbands. I am so sorry you are both going through this and I am so glad you reached out here! I am on my iPhone getting my oil changed but would love to write to you in support later today. I am a survivor of CSA and it has affected my marriage too...this is a great place to receive support and I hope you find all you need and deserve!

Thank you Maley,  I would welcome your talking to me. 

 

Becky



#5 Maley

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Posted 25 February 2013 - 03:00 PM

Great Becky
I will write later today ...take gentle care!

#6 hereforhim

hereforhim

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Posted 26 February 2013 - 01:21 PM

Looking forward to hearing from you  Maley and to talking to other secondaries as well.



#7 hereforhim

hereforhim

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Posted 26 February 2013 - 04:27 PM

Hi becky,

Sorry for your troubles..i too am a female secondary...not many of us here...it is definitely a tough spot you are in...i haven't been here in quiet a while but am struggling again so thought I'd come back and check in with an understanding secondary i met Gere and saw your post...I'd be happy to talk with you. I mostly use pm or email....not completely comfortable sharing out in public. Take care and best wishes to you and your husband.

#8 hereforhim

hereforhim

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Posted 26 February 2013 - 04:27 PM

Hi becky,

Sorry for your troubles..i too am a female secondary...not many of us here...it is definitely a tough spot you are in...i haven't been here in quiet a while but am struggling again so thought I'd come back and check in with an understanding secondary i met Gere and saw your post...I'd be happy to talk with you. I mostly use pm or email....not completely comfortable sharing out in public. Take care and best wishes to you and your husband.

#9 Maley

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Posted 26 February 2013 - 11:51 PM

Hi hereforhim,

I read Becky's post and was struck by home much her husband's situaiton sounds like mine.  I am so sorry your husband and you are going through this. I feel like since I am here as a survivor if there is anything I can do to support you or Becky I would be willing to communicate with you either PM or email. I hope you do find support from other secondaries.  Take gentle care.



#10 Becky18

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Posted 27 February 2013 - 06:20 AM

Thank you for the info....I'm looking forward to meeting people in my situation and getting support and giving support

Becky wanted to let you know that the site has just got back up and running after a big crash that caused it to loose all the more recent data . So give it time and thing will be back to normal in the secondary forum too as members find thier way back to AS.
 
   Welcome by the way, here to offer support if you need it



#11 Becky18

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Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:36 AM

Thank you hereforhim for your post..i can tell from your name you are a wonderful caring secondary. I'm sorry you and your husband are in this situation. I will pm you since you said you use that. I expect I'll be more comfortable one on one anyway...my husband has never allowed me to talk about this until now....it was his suggestion i find other secondaries to talk to.




Hi becky,
Sorry for your troubles..i too am a female secondary...not many of us here...it is definitely a tough spot you are in...i haven't been here in quiet a while but am struggling again so thought I'd come back and check in with an understanding secondary i met Gere and saw your post...I'd be happy to talk with you. I mostly use pm or email....not completely comfortable sharing out in public. Take care and best wishes to you and your husband.



#12 Becky18

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Posted 27 February 2013 - 07:38 AM

Maley I have answered your pm.....thanks for the support you are offering.

Take care
Becky

Hi hereforhim,
I read Becky's post and was struck by home much her husband's situaiton sounds like mine.  I am so sorry your husband and you are going through this. I feel like since I am here as a survivor if there is anything I can do to support you or Becky I would be willing to communicate with you either PM or email. I hope you do find support from other secondaries.  Take gentle care.



#13 ~FOUND~

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    Anna is found by God!!! Anna loves Jesus!

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Posted 01 March 2013 - 03:04 AM

Hi there.
Welcome to AS.

i hope you find this site to be helpful.

very nice to meet you.

Found



#14 Becky18

Becky18

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Posted 01 March 2013 - 05:52 AM

Found,
Nice to meet you also. Thanks for the welcome

Becky

#15 ~FOUND~

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    Anna is found by God!!! Anna loves Jesus!

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 04:55 PM

Found,
Nice to meet you also. Thanks for the welcome

Becky

You are so very welcome.

And thank you too.

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

I'm here anytime if you need a friend to talk to.

My inbox is always open.

Found