Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.
|Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.
After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.
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*t* i thought i was ok-ish
Posted 02 March 2004 - 08:01 PM
last year, the boy i was dating (we had been sexually active previously) held me down and ejaculated into me even though i was saying no. i agreed to have sex though. i wanted to have sex. i told him not to do *that* though without a condom. after i curled up in as small of a position as possible and cried as he slept. i don't know if it was rape, but i do kknow i feel horrible for letting it happen.
and for some reason i stayed with him. a few months before that, my partner of nearly 4 years broke up with me for another girl. for a while i couldn't do anything but stare off into space. i couldn't eat much more than toast. i came out of that and into a horrible relationship with a horrible person.
i guess maybe i thought i deserved everything that happened, and since i stayed with him after, that i couldn't be angry with him.
it resulted in a pregnancy which i aborted.
it's not the abortion that triggered my crying spell (i managed to dry my tears and go get my birth control and wait 'til i got home to start crying again), but the reminder of why i had ... become pregnant.
i was molested by my step-dad as a teenager, and i thought i was over that but when i was crying today it just. f%#k i'm supposed to be the goddamn strong one.
i wanted to thank you, everyone, here for providing this site, this space.
i told my partner about my childhood abuse, but i haven't told him about the event/abortion last year.
i was doing so good at being a functioning human being.
thank you for listening.
Posted 02 March 2004 - 08:38 PM
[Edited on 3-3-04 by phoenyx]
Posted 03 March 2004 - 12:49 AM
Posted 03 March 2004 - 12:39 PM
Posted 03 March 2004 - 05:50 PM
So sorry all that happened to you. What that guy did to you was rape. No getting around it.
Posted 03 March 2004 - 10:57 PM
I'm sorry you're feeling this way. What that guy did was rape no question. If you said no at any point then it was. It doesn't matter that you wanted to inititally, when you said that simple word a man has to stop, if he doesn't then it's rape because you said NO and you did not deserve it at all. Nobody deserves that :-( And I'm also sorry about the abortion. I'm here for you if you ever feel like talking about it.
Posted 05 March 2004 - 08:35 AM
You might try looking up the definition of rape (or date rape) and the symptoms caused by it, on the net. I suggest using "Ask Jeeves" or another site which will filter out the porn/pervert sites that are out there, or look thru the library or bookstore for a book on rape.
You are a very brave and strong survivor.:yes: