60 replies to this topic

[midnightrose1988]

I regret NOT pressing charges. Jason hurt me so badly for a year and a half. I may not be able to have children. And he just got to go on with his life. He is a sociopath. He will hurt someone else. And i have to live with that for the rest of my life.

I don't know if I can have kids either because of the things that happened to me. Of everything I have had to deal with that hurts the most.

[10yearssilence]

Speaking of kids this is my worst fear and I really need to see the doctor...

Whilst my abuser was never able to have full penetration (oh but he tried) he did 'other things' and I cannot conceive. I'm 21, been trying for over a year, healthy, have regular periods etc. and nothing. I track my ovulation so I know the best times and I just don't understand what's wrong.

I'm meant to have a smear but I'm terrified to go in case he did something to me

[midnightrose1988]

Speaking of kids this is my worst fear and I really need to see the doctor...

Whilst my abuser was never able to have full penetration (oh but he tried) he did 'other things' and I cannot conceive. I'm 21, been trying for over a year, healthy, have regular periods etc. and nothing. I track my ovulation so I know the best times and I just don't understand what's wrong.

I'm meant to have a smear but I'm terrified to go in case he did something to me

I wouldn't go to the doctor for the longest time as a teen because I thought Someone could tell if I had been. Like if there were scars or whatever. When i reported I had to go, but the Dr. I went to was amazingly kind. I still don't know if I can have kids, an I know there is a test, but I too am so scared to find out what might have also been stolen from me. I've lost so much, but that would be a final deadly straw for me.

[rosalie]

Speaking of kids this is my worst fear and I really need to see the doctor...

Whilst my abuser was never able to have full penetration (oh but he tried) he did 'other things' and I cannot conceive. I'm 21, been trying for over a year, healthy, have regular periods etc. and nothing. I track my ovulation so I know the best times and I just don't understand what's wrong.

I'm meant to have a smear but I'm terrified to go in case he did something to me

I was scared about that two. But when the truth about Jason came out to my friends, they beat him within an inch of his life. Then my friend sort of dragged me to a hospital to get checked out. They have special nurses there to deal with "our issues" so they know how to deal with it. I went in a special section that was quiet and they were really sweet. They had to keep taking breaks because I kept curling into a ball to cry. And they were so kind. They would just shrink back into the shadows and wait until I was ready. When they had to do the hard parts they were really slow and careful. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do but it was worth it. They caught the chlamydia early and set some of the broken bones. And they had to put a few stitches inside because of the tearing. But atleast it was over

[cas1190]

Long post, I apologize.
SleepySheep-
"However, i still feel a lot of guilt about what happened and like it was partially my fault so it's difficult for me to consider reporting. i don't want to ruin his life... but it also doesn't seem right that i have to deal with this everyday and he just gets to live his life like nothing happened."



You've hit the nail on the head here for me. The abuser that I want to report (a church youth group leader) is a nurse and has two kids (his daughter is my age then). I don't want to ruin his life, but I don't want other people to go through what I did. I have no evidence (it happened five years ago or so) so he would not be convicted of anything.

He should be punished I suppose, but not necessarily with the loss of his career and family. Ideally, I'd like for a report to be on file, so that if anyone else were to report it it would be backed up somewhat-- but would that even be possible (there is no statute of limitations in my state) without solid "evidence" or without a ton of drama?

Also, none of my family members know, so is there a way I could do it without their knowledge (I'm 19, but home for the summer)?

Sorry this ended up being so long, I guess I have a lot of questions myself.

[perceptions81]

I'm considering reporting mine, er the most recent attack. He has a record.. not a stranger with the authorities. I never thought I'd be around anyone like that. Eh. I have no evidence to support my claim. Not sure if it'll get anywhere, but I need closure.

[disgruntleddiva]

our case is a little bit different.

Right now I know for sure we did the right thing. We did the only thing we could do aside from sweeping it under the rug. But at the same time I feel awful that we has his mom and step-dad had to do it! I feel like he'll hate me forever!

[Anonymouse09]

Some day I regret it... if only because I am scared of what the future holds... my mother is standing by my abuser... I do not know if we will get a conviction... but in the end I know that I have gained so much more from reporting... I was isolated from my family before, but know I have them all back in my life. My case is one of the fortunate ones... I have a large support system, friends, family, and a wonderful husband... and the people I am working with in the legal system are very confident and supportive. I have not gone to trial yet, that is next week. While I am very scared, I know that no matter what happens I at least tried. That is what it came down to for me... if I did not report would he hurt one of his students? Would he steal away my own children's innocence? Would he come after me again someday? I was scared that he would hurt someone else, and I knew no matter how much it hurt me to report and lose my mom, I could not live with myself if some other child had to go through what I am going through.

[Coolgirl]

I was also dealing with acquaintance rape. Although it got labeled as Dating violence at the restraining order hearing. I didn't think it was romantic at all but I guess it looks like a date.I can honestly tell you, I DO NOT REGRET REPORTING IT TO THE POLICE! BUT I DIDN'T END UP GOING TO TRIAL. I WENT FOR A RESTRAINING ORDER INSTEAD FOR A LESS TRAUMATIC APPROACH SO HE NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN OR BE TOO SCARED TO SINCE I TOOK HIM TO COURT. I didn't get that either due to the fact he stayed away for a bit and I told the judge I had forgiven him for doing this to me a few years before this time! Big mistake for the record!They don't let you say much either since they just want to know if he'll come back and harm you or stay away. You have to say the right things in order to convince the judge you need protection. I just wanted him to stay away after ruining my life as much as he did.The judge could tell he had done something wrong to me so she did tell him to stay away or he'll end up deported. That's the most I could do since I wasn't going to a rape trial.My therapist knows I reported it before seeing her, but she felt that more damage would be done in my situation if I proceed to a rape trial for date rape. She felt that my situation would be turned against me by prosecution even if the defense or psychologist can prove otherwise.

The police told me after questioning that it may come out as "insufficient evidence" due to the lack of it, plus I let my abuser control me for a few days and rape me repeatedly. Then I was submissive and I let him do what he wanted since I wasn't sure if I was pregnant. If I was, I was going to marry him for the sake of the baby. I felt I allowed this to happen so I should deal with the consequences.I didn't know that I had other options and something could be done so I figured this was the only way to make it right. If I had known a little earlier that I should tell and something could be done, I WOULD DEFINITELY GO TO TRIAL! But I feel like the best thing you can do is AT LEAST report it to the police and see what happens after that!

[ecw]

It was definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. I had fantastic support from the Uni student support service whilst giving my initial statement and the female police officer involved was amazing! I owe her my life. She was so supportive, so understanding and kept me well informed the whole way through. The male police surgeon was a horrendous experience (see stupidest things said by therapists thread). The court case was also so unbelievably challenging, as was being there for the verdict. I'm glad I got through it. Not sure I could have lived with myself if I didn't.

[Garbogirl247]

I recently reported mine...all I had were my psych evals and journals. The officers made me and my mom meet with him twice...he confessed both times on tape. He is currenlty in county jail waiting court. Im not sure if we will go to trial or not. Im glad I reported it but at the same time in a sick way I felt sorry for him, like I was putting him away forever for what he did to me...It was and is a lot of mixed emotions for me....sad, happy, tired, guilt, frustrated, scared, angry....

[Beathymae]

I regret reporting it, If my daughter was to be raped in future I would advise her NOT to report it. It has destroyed me.
xx

[~FOUND~]

Yes, I regret 3 times over.

[kaylinxxmariexx]

i was lucky when i reported because i had evidence. the night before i reported he tried making me do things so when i ran to my room he started texting me offering omoney and stuff. my sister found me histerical and wen i told her why she begged me to tell my mom. she was so scared. i was also lucky with the whole legal process. he pleaded guilty so i didnt have to go to court i just had to make a police report. i didnt tell them everything though, i couldnt in front of my mom she was to crushed already. all in all the only regret i have is breaking my family aparty but i guess its ok. he was holding us down, causing un-needed issues

but if your going to report you rele do need a good support system. and i do feel the police handling the case make abig difference. good luck with whatever decision you make

[HopePsalm70]

Now I regret that I didnt tell what happened to me first. But i regret ever telling at all. I would never have reported. I was accused of lying. When I did tell only my husband believed me because he was familiar with our personal sex life and knew that the lies the rapist told were not things I would willingly do. Funny how life is. The good guy gets it and the bad guys get away with it. Rape really is the only crime in which the victim is blamed.