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Did You Regret Reporting It? Where You Glad?

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80 replies to this topic

#46 muddylotus

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Posted 11 September 2010 - 02:57 AM

QUOTE (perceptions81 @ Jul 13 2010, 10:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm considering reporting mine, er the most recent attack. He has a record.. not a stranger with the authorities. I never thought I'd be around anyone like that. Eh. I have no evidence to support my claim. Not sure if it'll get anywhere, but I need closure.

If you feel strong enough, I say go for it so that you have DONE SOMETHING. Just don't be too attached to what happens AFTER you report it. Then, it is out of your hands....

#47 willowparish

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Posted 11 September 2010 - 08:17 AM

Hi Sleepysheep,

I reported mine almost immediately, it was a such an emotional time for me and when I went to court I was so anxious and even more emotional!!

But I have never been more relived in my life when it was over and I don't regret a second of it. Knowing that the accused is never going to be able to do that again will make you feel so amazing.

I wish you luck. xx

#48 ioume


    It all begins with LOVE, love for one-self, love for others

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Posted 11 September 2010 - 11:46 AM

I agree with Muddylotus, If you feel you need to do something, report it, it will be good for you. I typed up a 5 pg document with as much information as I could remember (I suffered black outs during the rape) and reported it to the police. A good friend came with me and ensured that the police were women. They were supportive and also honest about the process. I haven't taken the next step yet, I still need to get dates and more detail but I felt a huge sense of relief, like a weight had been lifted.

Right now I'm working through the trauma, and trying to survive. I still need to submit a formal statement, which requires me to go through the whole experience again, just not ready right now to go into that kind of detail about it yet. Things have been going a bit off the rails with my young daughter, the strain is beginning to affect her. But it still plays on my mind everyday whether I should take it a step further sooner or not. It's hard enough getting myself better, but it does bug me that he is free and I'm the one who is suffering with my daughter. The perpetrator was someone I worked for, he followed me to the toilet after getting me drunk. and then tried to do it again at a later date but didn't succeed.

I know I need to take it easy on myself, but I get really frustrated. At times I feel I have a good chance taking it to court and then I'm changing my mind. The chances of getting justice is anyone's guess.
Still undecided.

#49 blakey22

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Posted 12 September 2010 - 07:55 AM

QUOTE (teac8883 @ Sep 8 2010, 07:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's brilliant! However my abuser was my 'friend' and I was drunk and in his flat. It only happened once and it was 8 years ago. I just think they'll throw it out straight away.... sad.gif

you need to do what feels right for you, i took 3 days to report mine, i was drunk too and convinced i was drugged, the more time passed the clearer the picture got. i was worried the police would not believe me and that i had created holes in my case. i must say i had a fantastic police officer and at times i thought i could not see it thru to the court case, the pressure was intense. i lived breathed and slept this attack. however after the court case i left court, knowing i could not do any more and in a funny way a huge weight was lifted and im glad the jury saw this man for what he was.

jason mcintyre, i can name him follwoing his conviction had done this before, moved around the uk from newcastle and dont doubt there are others out there who had not reported it for a number of reasons. i could not let him get away with this nor live with the fact he might do this again to some one else. he is convicted now and will be sentenced next week. he is a fantastist sexual preditor.

would i do this all over again??? yes i would, it brought some closure for me and i dont have any regrets, i think had i not reported it it would of been harder for me to move on.

#50 muddylotus

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 01:30 AM

As far as reporting goes - any suggestions for preperation and then the actual POLICE visit??

Thanks for suggesting writing it all out - I too was drugged and had black outs....I haven't been able to do all that writing yet...
Can I take a friend? Can I have a FEMALE officer (or is it whoever?)....
And, does anyone have ANY other suggestions??

I don't feel strong enough just yet, but soon....I hope....I feel so STUCK until I at least get it reported....I think....geez, I dunno...I am so worried he is going to move away or even stay and HURT someone else..... He is on probation so I am pretty sure he'll go right to jail....geez I feel SO GUILTY I can't go in yet!!!... :-(


PS - I have since become a bit closer to a male friend - and he is really pissed about the whole thing that happened, but he is being VERY VERY supportive and helpful and caring (geez, where was he while the sh*t was hitting the fan???lol) >>> any suggestions on having a male support person?.... (I am also kinda confused as I have feelings for this guy that are growing- but am soooooo terrified in general - how odd is all that!???)

#51 kyukidojen

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Posted 21 September 2010 - 01:47 AM

Do I regret reporting it? No, not in the least.

Do I regret how it was handled? In every way possible.

#52 rosemary18

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 11:04 AM

i regret telling someone as it was someone i really trusted and i was scared they wouldn't believe me

#53 simplysmiles13

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Posted 06 December 2010 - 11:33 PM

I don't regret when it was reported by my mother because it then stopped! I do regret the way in which it was handled. I feel that when someone finally protected me then the whole system failed me, I just couldn't win.

#54 catoz

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Posted 26 December 2010 - 04:53 AM

I reported it, but it was a stranger, so at this point, nothing has come of it. The repeated statements and examinations and dealing with the confits/identikits... has been traumatic. At times I have regretted reporting it, because it feels like it's stopped me heading towards recovery, and for what?

But if they catch him, if they convict him - then, I think it will be worth it.

Edited by catoz, 28 December 2010 - 04:58 PM.

#55 TexasDad

  • Secondary Survivors
  • 86 posts

Posted 24 May 2011 - 01:37 PM

QUOTE (rosalie @ May 2 2010, 02:25 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I regret NOT pressing charges. Jason hurt me so badly for a year and a half. I may not be able to have children. And he just got to go on with his life. He is a sociopath. He will hurt someone else. And i have to live with that for the rest of my life.

If he ever hurts someone else, you have nothing to do with it.
It would be NOT your fault. We had to deal with the same moral and ethical issues as well, and decided that my daughter's well being and her getting emotionally healthy and on the road to recovery was more important than pressing charges. We have a very strong suspicion that in the perv..'s family someone knew he was a predator, and yet no-one warned us. And as of today he does volunteer work in the youth group in his church, and he is in the health profession, and does "school physical" visits. Again, no-one told us anything.

This does mean not we do not want to warn anyone as a retaliation. I have seen how fragile my kid still is, and I fear that any legal proceeding could totally undo 4 months of intense therapy work. She is still cutting, still suicidal, and barely hanging on, one day at the time.

Her therapist called CPS, and she called the Sheriff of our county. We called the right people, now it is up to them.

She spoke with a detective, and he was very understanding, took her statement, and said *he* wanted her to get better, first, and in a better place with her health, and he would keep the case open, work with us (the parents), and wait for her to make the final decision, if and when she feels OK with it.

So, we sleep a bit better. What the perv. does, is HIS ultimate and he is responsible for HIS actions
We are not. You are not.

#56 desertlily

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 10:12 AM


I just signed up to the site and read with admiration and a heavy heart many of the posts. Like Blakey22 I was also drunk and possibly drugged when I was raped on several occasions. Piecing it all together after blackouts, I finally reported my attacker (who I had sadly dated) 2 days after. I was worried I would not be believed and as I await the outcome as to whether it goes to court or not, I feel mixed feelings. I feel I have done the right thing, (I want to try to protect other women) but it has been difficult. Giving evidence is not easy, although the police (women) I have encountered have been very kind. What the outcome will be, God only knows, however I believe one way or another justice is done.

I am so saddened to see how many women have suffered and how many abusive men are out there!

If you can find the strength then report it, but get as much support during this process. If however you cannot report it, don't blame yourself or take on guilt. You have to look after yourself and do what is right for you.

#57 TomCov

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 03:32 PM

I reported it. I have no regrets.

Had other victims decided to report this prior to my experiences I might have been spared.

I know that because I reported, there are fewer victims of this abuser.

I make no assumptions as to whether this would be beneficial to you. I do know that many abusers are serial abusers and will only be stopped if victims report.

It remains a personal decision.


#58 Atlantis

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Posted 10 June 2011 - 11:29 AM

I did report it and i don't regret it even though it was probably one of the most difficult things I've had to go through. Although he hasn't been caught for attacking me I've been told he is on an offenders list and wouldn't be getting off (I can only assume he has done some other serious crime). I don't think I was the first and sadly I don't think I'll be the last, but hopefully by reporting it, somehow it would have done some good somehow to stop him doing this again, or at least slow him down.

My advice to anyone thinking of reporting what has happened is to talk to R*pe Crisis or RAINN - they may be able to arrange someone to come with you or help you with coping with reporting it.

Also if you have someone close to you like a partner or friend who can come with you to give you support it helps a lot.



#59 linda1

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Posted 10 June 2011 - 03:03 PM

I told my mom right after it happened and begged her not to report it but she did anyways. That made it far worse for me because i had the police calling me all the time coming to my house to take statements and I couldn't handle it, I also felt guilty too and like it was my fault also so i felt horrible being forced to tell the story. It was embarrassing and made more people than I ever wanted find out about it. People chose which side to believe and I lost a lot of friends over it.
Everyone has a different experience I think you just need to consider what different outcomes could happen if you did. It could go your way or it might not unfortunately. I think the system is so unfair sometimes.

Best of luck to you:)

(p.s. the only positive to me reporting it is that if he does it again to someone else they would be twice as likely to believe her because a similar situation had already been reported, and know that he is a rapist)

#60 krista17

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Posted 16 June 2011 - 10:41 PM

I definitely regret reporting what happened to me. The guy was someone who was known to police already because of stabbing someone and there was a warrant out for arrest. Unfortunately, he got off free because of lack of evidence. So I guess it's my fault that i was too scared to report him, because thats how they made me feel. sad.gif