Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.
|Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.
After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.
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help me please. Scared and in pain
Posted 27 December 2003 - 08:29 AM
How to start? I'm really scared. I'm 13 and my dad does stuff. My mom died when I was a baby and it's just me and my dad. He says he loves me and he does that stuff to show me he loves me. And I know he loves me and sometimes he's careful but other times when I make him angry he really hurts me. But then he tells me he's sorry and how beautiful and special I am. Sometimes he makes me feel good and I think it's ok. But i know what he does is wrong. I didn't know that for a long time but I do now. I don't know why he does, maybe it's like he says, because he wants to show me he loves me. I dont' know. This has happened as long as I remember.
But he has other people come too. Other men. He says it's because one day a man came up to him and told him how beautiful I am and dad said it was a sign from God that he can't be selfish with me and keep him to himself. But I seen those men pay him. The other men can be mean and make me really hurt, like dad sometimes does.
Today I'm really scared. I don't want to do that anymore and last night I told my dad so. He got really angry and beat me. He beat me before with a horse whip but it was a lot worse this time. He hit me and pushed me downstairs. My leg really hurts and so do my sides and head. Then he did stuff and made me really hurt down there.
He told me that I said that because I dont' love him and that I hurt him but i do love him. And he said if I say that again he's going to sell all my horses to slaughter. He knows I love my horses. They're the only friends I have.
I'm scared. He's got angry before but never made me hurt like this and I dont want to do stuff with him and those other men.
[Edited on 12-27-2003 by MiChya]
Posted 27 December 2003 - 08:59 PM
The best advice that I can give you is to contact RAINN as soon as possible, they know better than anyone how to deal with this kind of situations. If you don't wish to give your name or any other personal information, you don't have to. You can contact RAINN anonymously by either calling their hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE. or by visiting their website at www.rainn.org .
It is a 24 hour free CONFIDENTIAL hotline for survivors, you have nothing to lose by calling them and everything to gain. I can assure you that they will listen to you and offer you various alternatives.
We are here for you but unfortunately none of us is trained to deal with this kind of situations and we can't provide you with what you REALLY need....a safe place away from danger.
Please make the call and let them help you.
Wishing you all the best,
Posted 27 December 2003 - 09:23 PM
I introduced myself to you over at one of the other messageboards already, but I just wanted to welcome you here as well. I hope the advice that Vera gave you will help and that you will be able to use it. You don't deserve this at all and none of this is your fault. Take care. I'm here if you need to talk.
Posted 28 December 2003 - 04:02 PM
But we do advise contacting someone as soon as possible sweetie. What your Father does to you is wrong. You know this now. Do not feel ashamed if you in the past may have opened up to this, you didn't know okay? You are completely innocent of this and you will survive it with an aggressive fist being your ability to reach out. Do you know how powerful one voice can be?
Posted 28 December 2003 - 06:24 PM
I am glad you did find your way here. You are a courageous person with a strong spirit. Always remember you are the innocent in this. Never allow anyone to silence the voice you have found- let it become stronger.
Posted 28 December 2003 - 11:46 PM