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Guest Message by DevFuse
 

help me please. Scared and in pain


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5 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_MiChya_*

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Posted 27 December 2003 - 08:29 AM

I don't think this is in the right place on the board but I really need to talk to someone. I'm sorry.
How to start? I'm really scared. I'm 13 and my dad does stuff. My mom died when I was a baby and it's just me and my dad. He says he loves me and he does that stuff to show me he loves me. And I know he loves me and sometimes he's careful but other times when I make him angry he really hurts me. But then he tells me he's sorry and how beautiful and special I am. Sometimes he makes me feel good and I think it's ok. But i know what he does is wrong. I didn't know that for a long time but I do now. I don't know why he does, maybe it's like he says, because he wants to show me he loves me. I dont' know. This has happened as long as I remember.
But he has other people come too. Other men. He says it's because one day a man came up to him and told him how beautiful I am and dad said it was a sign from God that he can't be selfish with me and keep him to himself. But I seen those men pay him. The other men can be mean and make me really hurt, like dad sometimes does.
Today I'm really scared. I don't want to do that anymore and last night I told my dad so. He got really angry and beat me. He beat me before with a horse whip but it was a lot worse this time. He hit me and pushed me downstairs. My leg really hurts and so do my sides and head. Then he did stuff and made me really hurt down there.
He told me that I said that because I dont' love him and that I hurt him but i do love him. And he said if I say that again he's going to sell all my horses to slaughter. He knows I love my horses. They're the only friends I have.
I'm scared. He's got angry before but never made me hurt like this and I dont want to do stuff with him and those other men.

[Edited on 12-27-2003 by MiChya]

#2 Vera

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Posted 27 December 2003 - 08:59 PM

I'm really sorry for all the pain that you have been and still are going through. You are so young and should never have to deal with any of these things.

The best advice that I can give you is to contact RAINN as soon as possible, they know better than anyone how to deal with this kind of situations. If you don't wish to give your name or any other personal information, you don't have to. You can contact RAINN anonymously by either calling their hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE. or by visiting their website at www.rainn.org .
It is a 24 hour free CONFIDENTIAL hotline for survivors, you have nothing to lose by calling them and everything to gain. I can assure you that they will listen to you and offer you various alternatives.

We are here for you but unfortunately none of us is trained to deal with this kind of situations and we can't provide you with what you REALLY need....a safe place away from danger.

Please make the call and let them help you.

Wishing you all the best,
Verena

#3 Peacegirl

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Posted 27 December 2003 - 09:23 PM

Hello,

I introduced myself to you over at one of the other messageboards already, but I just wanted to welcome you here as well. I hope the advice that Vera gave you will help and that you will be able to use it. You don't deserve this at all and none of this is your fault. Take care. I'm here if you need to talk.

(((Hugs)))

Lindsay

#4 Haullie

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Posted 28 December 2003 - 04:02 PM

Good Advice Verena, RAINN's National Hotline saved my life and it can save yours as well. It's never too late to get out of any dangerous situation. By coming here you are showing your ambition and strength in taking steps nessesary heal and communicate, find information and get support. We hope you will find all of the support to start you out on your journey here.

But we do advise contacting someone as soon as possible sweetie. What your Father does to you is wrong. You know this now. Do not feel ashamed if you in the past may have opened up to this, you didn't know okay? You are completely innocent of this and you will survive it with an aggressive fist being your ability to reach out. Do you know how powerful one voice can be?

Love, Haullie

#5 phoenyx

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Posted 28 December 2003 - 06:24 PM

Welcome MiChya. I hope you call RAINN or visit them through their website. NO-ONE deserves to go through what you are experiencing. You are deserving of a safe place to be and I wish you well.(((Hugs)))
I am glad you did find your way here. You are a courageous person with a strong spirit. Always remember you are the innocent in this. Never allow anyone to silence the voice you have found- let it become stronger.

#6 Lilea

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Posted 28 December 2003 - 11:46 PM

I am so sorry that you are going through so much... I agree with the advice given about calling RAINN... or talk to a guidance counselor at school, but please please please get help. None of us here want to see you go through anymore of this... and we all believe you. Please remember that it is NOT YOUR FAULT in any way... he is supposed to be an adult and he is taking advantage of his power... I am so sorry you are hurting, but you are a valued human life and person, and you deserve to be treated like one, no matter what has happened to you in the past...

Love,
Lilea