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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

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Guest Message by DevFuse

New Girl

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5 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_chrissyk0877_*

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Posted 02 October 2004 - 01:24 AM

Hi, I've just recently begun to have "feelings,emotions" resurface from my past, and I'm not quite sure how to deal with them. I thought I could try talking to others like me. It's scary how many of "us" are out there. I think I might need to see somebody. I was in therapy for a short while before my husband (then boyfriend) found out about "it." I stopped seeing my counselor shortly after that. I don't know what to do with these feelings, emotions. I want someone to "fix" me. It's a shame that we didn't do anything wrong, and yet we are the ones who must live with the "consequences" of someone else's actions for the rest of our lives. Sometimes I can go a few days without thinking about "it." Other times, I am constantly reminded of "it." At times, I feel naked and exposed. I want to cover myself. After reading more on the after effects of sexual abuse, things are making more sense. (Excuse the graphic details)...when I feel as though I have done something wrong, I want to punish myself. As an argument occurs, I am thinking to myself what can I do to punish myself. I can see a knife blade sliding down my forearm and as the blood drips, I think to myself how much better I feel. ( Don't worry, I have only followed through with this a time or two, a long time ago) I sure wish my husband could understand that these feelings, emotions don't have anything to do with my feelings for him. I haven't said anything about the resurfacing of these feelings. The last time I told him about how I was feeling, our relationship almost ended and I did follow through with punishment. He just could not understand that my not wanting to be "touched" was not related to him. He took it as a direct blow towards him. Not the case. Thanks for listening.

#2 Guest_butterfly_*

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Posted 02 October 2004 - 08:04 AM

WELCOME TO THE BOARD greet.gif greet.gif
You have taken a big step on your road to healing just by being here and sharing.
You should think about getting yourself back in therapy, healing is a long
painful road and you need all the support you can get. Maybe your husband
can even join you in a session or two to try and better understand what your
dealing with. Husbands are hard...it's all hard, but I know what your going
through. My husband tries so hard to understand, I feel
bad for putting him through this....but, it's not my fault....I can't help it...
like I tell him, just hang in there, I will get through this.
I too feel like I need to punish myself if I've done something wrong. My thought
are the same as yours.
I'm so glad you found your way here hug.gif throb.gif I'm sure you will find
much support.
Take good care of yourself throb.gif throb.gif throb.gif

Butterfly hug.gif throb.gif hug.gif

#3 Survivors sanctuary

Survivors sanctuary

    We were beset by conflicts without and by fears within

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Posted 02 October 2004 - 12:06 PM

Welcome and I hope that being here helps in your healing journey .. hug.gif

#4 Charlene


    Quoth the raven...

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Posted 02 October 2004 - 01:06 PM

welcome to the boards greet.gif
hope you find all the support and helpyou need here throb.gif

#5 Donna


    Liver Schmiver

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Posted 03 October 2004 - 01:57 PM


Welcome to AS hun. hug.gif


Donna =)

#6 betty


    spero melior

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Posted 05 October 2004 - 01:59 PM

welcome hug.gif