Hi, my name is Marie it is not my true name it's my middle name I don't care for my first name much anymore and I diffently don't care much for my last name. This really is starting to scare me I have put alot of things that happend to me when I was little out of my mind which are very frigtening to me. I have memories of my father doing terrible things to me and yet I apparntly have put those things that happend to me so far in the back of my mind that they are all starting to come back to me. I guess that's why around males I have had such a dirty feeling even if they hug me. But the best thing is I finaly have a man that I feel I can be very close to and safe with but things have changed since I remember being abused by my father it's been hard to even allow him to hug me. I always feel ashamed and dirty I know I shouldn't but I feel that I'm really responsible for everything that happend to me. I don't know how to deal with the memorises and the "Episodes" I've been having. Well that's about me in a nut shell
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Guest Message by DevFuse
Hello I'm New
Started by
Guest_Lutherin_*
, Sep 24 2004 07:32 PM
11 replies to this topic
#1
Guest_Lutherin_*
Guest_Lutherin_*
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Posted 24 September 2004 - 07:32 PM
Hi, my name is Marie it is not my true name it's my middle name I don't care for my first name much anymore and I diffently don't care much for my last name. This really is starting to scare me I have put alot of things that happend to me when I was little out of my mind which are very frigtening to me. I have memories of my father doing terrible things to me and yet I apparntly have put those things that happend to me so far in the back of my mind that they are all starting to come back to me. I guess that's why around males I have had such a dirty feeling even if they hug me. But the best thing is I finaly have a man that I feel I can be very close to and safe with but things have changed since I remember being abused by my father it's been hard to even allow him to hug me. I always feel ashamed and dirty I know I shouldn't but I feel that I'm really responsible for everything that happend to me. I don't know how to deal with the memorises and the "Episodes" I've been having. Well that's about me in a nut shell
#2
Lindy
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- Administrator
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Exhausted Beyond Belief
Posted 24 September 2004 - 07:45 PM
(((Marie)))
First of all, welcome to After Silence. I'm sorry you went through difficult experiences, I'm sorry your father hurt you so much. Don't feel as if you're responsible for his wrong-doing. You did nothing wrong honey; it wasn't your fault.
I'm glad that you have someone in your life now who is caring and makes you feel safe. I hope he's very supportive and understanding that getting back into a comfortable level takes time. We're here to walk with you through this healing journey.
Take gentle care,
Lindy
First of all, welcome to After Silence. I'm sorry you went through difficult experiences, I'm sorry your father hurt you so much. Don't feel as if you're responsible for his wrong-doing. You did nothing wrong honey; it wasn't your fault.
I'm glad that you have someone in your life now who is caring and makes you feel safe. I hope he's very supportive and understanding that getting back into a comfortable level takes time. We're here to walk with you through this healing journey.
Take gentle care,
Lindy
#3
Survivors sanctuary
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- Contributing Member
- 7,081 posts
We were beset by conflicts without and by fears within
Posted 24 September 2004 - 08:13 PM
Welcome to AS..I hope that being here helps you in your healing journey 
#4
Guest_Lutherin_*
Guest_Lutherin_*
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Posted 24 September 2004 - 09:08 PM
Thank you very much I'm glade to know there are people I can talk to about this without them thinking that I'm lying or just out for attention. I know it's going to take alot of time it took me 7yrs to put all these memories into hiding and it's just going to take longer to try and get them to go away permintantly. My boyfriend is really great he tries little exercises with me even getting me to talk about my memories to get them out.
#5
Donna
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- Contributing Member
- 9,723 posts
Liver Schmiver
Posted 24 September 2004 - 10:21 PM
(((((Lutherin)))))
Welcome to AS honey.
It is so great that you have such an excellent and caring boyfriend, to have support from someone is so validating.
Please feel free to post as much as you'd like or read, whichever. Were here for you.
((((Safe Hugs))))
Donna =)
Welcome to AS honey.
It is so great that you have such an excellent and caring boyfriend, to have support from someone is so validating.
Please feel free to post as much as you'd like or read, whichever. Were here for you.
((((Safe Hugs))))
Donna =)
#6
Guest_butterfly_*
Guest_butterfly_*
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Posted 25 September 2004 - 07:52 AM
WELCOME!!!
I'm sorry for what your father did to you. I'm going through the same thing
with buried memories coming back.
It's hard!!! It's scarry!!! It's painful!!!
There is good support here....I hope find what you need!
Take good care of yourself.
Butterfly 
I'm sorry for what your father did to you. I'm going through the same thing
with buried memories coming back.
It's hard!!! It's scarry!!! It's painful!!!
There is good support here....I hope find what you need!
Take good care of yourself.
Butterfly
#7
Guest_Lutherin_*
Guest_Lutherin_*
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Posted 25 September 2004 - 01:37 PM
As hard as it may seem there's always a light in the darkness we just have to find it. I think though it's vary hard to find the light it's worth the finding
#8
betty
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- New Member
- 891 posts
spero melior
Posted 25 September 2004 - 02:03 PM
(lutherin)
welcome to AS!
i'm sorry that your dealing with so much at the moment. this place is wonderful, and i hope you find what you are searching for here
emma
welcome to AS!
i'm sorry that your dealing with so much at the moment. this place is wonderful, and i hope you find what you are searching for here
emma
#9
Wendy
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- New Member
- 278 posts
Moondancer
Posted 26 September 2004 - 07:51 PM
Hi Marie
I just wanted to add my welcome to after silence. I hope that you find support here, it is a wonderful group of people.
Wend
I just wanted to add my welcome to after silence. I hope that you find support here, it is a wonderful group of people.
Wend
#10
Charlene
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- Member
- 3,425 posts
Quoth the raven...
Posted 27 September 2004 - 11:53 AM
welcome to the boards
#11
Alysure
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- Member
- 950 posts
Specialized Catastrophe
Posted 27 September 2004 - 11:55 PM
Welcome sweetie. I hope we can offer some support.
#12
Guest_Lutherin_*
Guest_Lutherin_*
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Posted 28 September 2004 - 06:15 AM
Well I'm slowly recovering from my memories I think my boyfriend is really being supportive with me on this and he's really wanting to sit down and talk to my parents about what they did to me but I just don't want to mention to them about what they did to me because the would just say I was crying for attention. I know this might not seem to be much of a recovery but when I started to have flashbacks me and my boyfriend could not be really sexual without me getting scared and today I was fine I mean really fine except for the feeling of dirtiness which I think will linger for awhile.
