***TRIGGER WARNING FOR THE TOPIC OF ABUSE, ASSAULT, AND RAPE... and, of course, mah swears***
The bottom line is that forced sex is the most personal violation of all, takes away all of your most protected rights. Our bodies are precious and when someone is violent with us (even laying one finger on us is violent) it violates us in a way that our bodies cannot compute. We grow babies in our womb, we make love (as a choice) using that area (both male and female), we create live, we give birth through that part of us. It IS serious f*cking business. Then when you take all the societal stigmas of how females and males should act, the guilt and shame, the message of abstinence, the message of female + male = breeding (not for enjoyment and completely discounting same sex love), the religious guilt, our parental or substantial role models growing up's guilt and shame (by not talking or making it a negative thing), puberty, lack of education, etc. etc. When you add that on (which we already have to work through) abuse, assault, and rape? Holy sh*t you better believe we die inside. The words they say to us while they are beating our bodies with their control... the right to our choice to be taken away in such a vile act.... you better believe we have a lot to heal and work through.
Then there is the aftermath in our society. Our societies want this topic to be taboo, whether it is because it happened to them, they don't realize the severity having not gone through it, pure fear that if they talk about it it will become real and they'd have to face it, and then there are som cultures and households that blame the victim because we must have done something to merit it right? Hell no, they too are afraid if they admit we did nothing than it could happen to them. To me it is all selfish and I throw up my middle finger to them. Back to the point, when you add the societal stigmas, our fucked judicial system, others discomfort, and much much more, we feel silenced. And to be silenced on such an important matter is alientating. The act alone alienated us because we know too much. We know what society as a whole does not know. Then you double the alienation by others reaction? It feeds the pain, fuels the fire, and leaves us alone... only to beat ourselves up.
Then you take into account anything else that happens in your life (which lord knows life hands us some serious sh*t without all this). Well all this pain mounts up, acting as a tumbleweed, picking up pain and suffering wherever it goes (watever happens) and we are devestated. Completely alientated, devestated, and plain ol' needing some serious love and kindness.
Then after our abusers are gone and we set into the aftermath, we become our abuser (not really a fault of our own - it is fairly textbook for abuse) and we beat ourselves up, blame ourselves, diminish our worth. It is an effort to control something... make up for those moments we could never control and we fail to feed ourselves, we SI ourselves, we silence ourselves, control our environments or who we let into our hearts, and much much more. But there comes a time when we can understand our human process and start to change the way we treat ourselves. NO we cannot control the fact that we were hurt, NO we can never take it back, NO you could have NEVER done anything differently, but today? You have this very moment to choose what you want for yourself. You can learn to stop beating yourself up for what was and start to give back to our bodies and worth. Each one of you deserves that, NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS PEOPLE, you all do.
Eventually we can be freer and educate ourselves and just flat out try. What perps have done to us is WRONG. It will always be wrong... but you living a life you deserve... IS VERY RIGHT! I will leave you with this so check it out!: http://www.aftersile...h...c=20452&hl=
All my love,
Kat
P.S. Feel free to share your own answer.
