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Dear Me


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39 replies to this topic

#31 Haych25

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Posted 11 April 2010 - 01:56 PM

Dear me,

We need to talk, we should have had this convo years ago but i guess it's better
late then never.
I know you feel hopeless and worthless but you were made to feel that way its not the truth.
The truth is you dont realise how strong and amazing you are to have overcome such a horrific experiance at such a young age.
I know you feel like you have acheived nothing in you life but with your inner strength, maturity and level headedness you pulled your self through a difficault time although there is still a long way to go.
That is the biggest acheivement so be proud of yourself!
I would like to talk the young girl inside for a moment who is still inside because she hasnt fully developed mentally to grow out of you. I want to give her the hug she never had and tell her..
Listen to me when I say you are not at fault.. you didnt contribute in anyway,
you are not to blame. You didn't allow it to happen.. you were just paralysed by the shock.
Dont think nobody would have cared or believed you.. you just hid it so well.
You don't have to hide the hurt from me I know you feel pain and it's okay to cry.
You can talk to me I care for you.. your not alone anymore.
I know you walk with your head down in shame but your not the shamefull one he is to blame.
Its time to reprogram and fully comprehend the truth.. you are the innocent little girl
that was violated in a sexual way.
who learnt to accept but not condone it in anyway.. but was mature enough to accept it happens
and trys to deal with it in your own way.
You just need to find your self worth again.. he made you this way but now its
Time To Break The Chain!

Yours Trully,

Yourself

Edited by Haych25, 11 April 2010 - 02:01 PM.


#32 FrenchFry

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Posted 17 August 2010 - 03:14 AM

Dear me,

You need to stop panicking so terribly and face your fears so you can finally live life the way you want to. Stop letting what that jack*** did hold you back from your dreams, because he didn't take away what makes you you. It's not your fault nor was it ever. Stop feeling like you're a terrible person because you aren't driving to his house, beating his a**, and preventing him from ever taking advantage of another person. I know that the more people you find out that he did this to the angrier you get and the more of a "hero" you want to be, but going to jail won't help you at all. The people who are truly terrible for not acting are the people who are around him and know what he's up to and do nothing about it. Even more horrible is Jason. He'll never grow up. You heard yourself how much worse he's gotten.

I'm not sure what else to say... Let's go to bed. I hope some day you can sleep without checking to see if he's at the foot of your bed.

Love,
Yourself

#33 Jen4now

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Posted 18 December 2010 - 10:44 AM

Your fine just the way you are

Dear Mini Me

Iím sorry no one told you how sweet and pretty you were. You were an innocent and honest little girl, and you deserved to be loved and cared for. No one deserves to be called stupid, fat, or told eyes. You were given too much responsibility from a young age and you had to learn to look after yourself and your siblings.

Iím sorry your mother abused you under the umbrella of strict discipline. No child deserves to drink their own blood, whipped with a wire or poked in the eye and all the other cruel things she did to you. Constantly living in fear of attack and being told ďI bought you into this world and I can take you outĒ no one deserves to live in fear of dying. Itís not a nice way to live, and it unfair and Iím sorry you had to live like that. I know you werenít allowed to have friends, and that shouldnít have been allowed to happen. You are no bodiesí property and you deserve the right to have freedom to play to laughs and to make friends with who you choose.

Im glade you found a way through all the heart ache and pain. I know you spent many minutes, hours, and days day dreaming and you very much enjoyed the ability to escape from reality.
I also know you learnt to turn off you feeling and emotions from a very young age , Iím glad you were able to protect yourself. Iím sorry no one came to help you but Iím proud you made it own your own.

You sheltered life and your obedient quiet personality made you a target from sexual predictors. Iím sorry you had to endure so much pain in silence. I hope you know you are not to blame and have never been.

I have and I always will always love you and itís important that you remember that, because without you I would not have become the bright, articulate, loveable young lady you see today.


#34 Tessa

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Posted 21 March 2011 - 05:14 PM

editing out.

Edited by Tessa, 12 June 2011 - 03:58 AM.


#35 BAW

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Posted 19 April 2011 - 11:20 AM

Dear Broken,

What happened to you was NOT your fault. You didnít know that when you started dating him he would turn out to be the man he was. You didnít know about the drugs, you didnít know about his temper, you thought he was good guy. I know that right now it seems like everything is your fault, for hanging out with him, for not leaving the relationship sooner, but you were scared and rightfully so. Iím not going to lie, it will take you a long time to feel even a little better then you do now but it does get better. You are a lot stronger then you think you are and you CAN pull through all of this. You will go on to school and make amazing friends that even though they donít know it saved your life. They will help you just by being a friend that you can trust. Donít close yourself off just because one person in your life hurt you. You will learn to love again. You are amazing, now you can smile without feeling guilty, so hold your head high and say he wonít control my life, only I can do that. Walk away from it all because you are better then what he made you and you wonít let him control your life. Love yourself, believe in yourself, and donít forget youíre beautiful.

Love,
Moving on






#36 BaronessSamedi

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Posted 01 June 2011 - 02:40 AM

Dear self -

I hope this letter finds you well - as you're learning to be. I know these past years have been hard for you. I know you have a hard time trusting, that you still, sometimes, believe you aren't worth anything. But yet, sometimes you're doing well. You're amazing.

I want you to know that eventually, this will all be behind you. But you still know that this will also always be a part of you - and that nothing you ever say or do will lessen the pain that you feel some nights, alone, or in the shower, or just...there. But you also know that you will learn to be stronger than those people that hurt you. Because ultimately, you are far better than those people who have caused you pain.

There is hope for you yet, that someday you will open your mouth and the words will flow forth as you want them to, that they will not be dammed up, caught in your chest and throat, sticking painfully as they do now. Someday you will blink your eyes and allow yourself to cry if you desire to do so, if something does catch in your throat, you can let it out through your tears. Someday, you will be able to offer a better shoulder and ear to those who feel close enough to you to speak of their experiences, because your shame won't get in the way of your understanding.

I offer you this and much more - that you will heal, that you will live, that you will thrive and prosper through all this.

Never forget that you are well-loved.
~Baroness

#37 euca

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Posted 26 June 2013 - 03:56 AM

I posted this before the site crash and a friend mentioned she had a similar T assignment so I thought I'd bump it again.  Not sure if I still feel the same but it was interesting to reread.

 

Letter to myselves written in 2012 sometime.


Dear 15 year old me,


You actually have no idea. You think you do but you don’t. Right now you feel like you should have known better, and you should have (you aren’t stupid) but that is not an excuse for what happened tonight. It was not because of what you did, that he did what he did. He did it because he thought it was OK to ignore the words ‘no’ and ‘stop’. Well guess what? Not OK. And he did it, not you.


I know as well that you feel like you could’ve fought harder, and that feeling will grow over time until you imagine you allowed it to happen. And by default that you somehow endorsed it, perhaps encouraged him to force you. You didn’t. Of course you bloody well didn’t. And surviving was more important then. He threatened you remember and it was believable. He was out of control, anything could have happened. You sensed it, you did the right thing.


But if I could teleport back to that night I would ask you to change one thing. When Miss sees you, knows there is something wrong, tell her! Tell her what just happened! If only you had, it might well have changed what comes.


You lose Paul soon. I know you feel that is your fault as well, but telling someone is not poison enough to kill them. Try, try to not hurt yourself anymore. It was not your fault.


Dear 22 year old me,


You have every idea. You know how it happens. I don’t forgive you. I hate you. You knew better. You knew he was out there. How could you ignore the risk? He did it, but you put yourself in harm’s way. If you walk home on a motor way you are going to get squashed. You knew what that risk really meant. Well actually you didn’t as it turns out but you knew the reality of rape and you should not have even for a second been somewhere where that could happen again. Grrr!!


Oh dear. Are we destined to lock horns, you and I, forever? How is it that my today self can forgive the 15yr old ‘us’ for not telling and yet not forgive 22yr old us for just trying to live like a 22yr old should? I tell you why, because you were an adult and you knew it was a very real possibility. How could you be so cavalier with our sanity and our safety? ....Did you want it? Was it really just stupidity and drunkenness or was it self destruction?
OK I’m taking a deep breath. I’m really trying now to take that back and to stop insulting you Miss 22.


Do you know something? I never quite realised how split we are. This letter has made me aware of that. And something else. This is quite big I think:
I forgive you for surviving.  I’m glad you did, both from the attack, which was a miracle let’s face it, and from the ... after. I have to catch my breath now because in 13 years I have rarely let myself think about that. OK I’m going to say it again. I’m glad you made it. I’m glad you survived. And now I’m crying which is rare, and I’m licking the salty tears because they are sharp, and real, and I want to remember them. They are tears that are saying I’m glad to be alive, I’m glad I survived. A gut wrenching turnaround from that place... you know where I mean.


I wish with all my heart that I had played the game a different way but here I am, the sum total of my experiences. We do manage to grow up and get married and have children and find normaility. Of a sort. That is no small achievement.  I am happy to be crying about being alive, so I guess you can’t have been all bad 22.   But I think I’ll leave you out of my lottery numbers if it is all the same with you.

N



#38 uncountedstatistics

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Posted 11 August 2013 - 08:53 PM

Once, I looked in the mirror and saw an image of myself from the future. It was about a year after T invaded into my life and a little over a year before I got out. In the vision I was thin but not emaciated; I was surrounded by light and there was the definite sense that I was surrounded by children. My hair looked to be graying and my eyes had light wrinkles around them. I was wearing a light blue or purple dress/skirt outfit. Without realizing it, I purchased that outfit at goodwill shortly after I got free.

 

 

Dear me,

 

You are more than what has happened to you. You are more than who you were born to be. Your future is greater than what you were told in the past.

 

Someday, it won't be like this. You will be free. You will walk in the streets and not be afraid. There will be sounds of laughter around you. Many, many children will love you. You will find that you have a purpose for being here. That purpose is light. You will not be so hungry anymore. You will have accomplishments, and joy, in your life.

 

You will be older then. You will have the good things that come with age. You will find your wings, and fly, and soar, and fly again.

 

Love,

*



#39 Toomuch

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 10:40 AM

Dear Gayle.
It is four and a half years since the night you were raped.
You have been through so much, lost friends, and lost your identity.
You are finally forging a new identity for yourself.
It wasn't your fault. You said you didn't want to have sex, and Mark chose to ignore that. It was a power trip for him. Pure violence. You have so much humility after what you have been through.
It's time to start loving yourself. You are a beautiful person, who isn't damaged goods. Give yourself time and the walls you have created will open when you are ready. Those who truly care will be patient.
The fact you are able to acknowledge what has happened is a massive step. You should be really proud of this.
You are starting to remember the person you were before the rape. It's ok that you are not the same person, you are bringing some previous memories into your new identity.
You are a great swimmer, you forgot how good you were and how much it was a big part of your life. You are a strong person, and your daughter looks up to you. Keep bring the amazing person you are. Your identity is there, just keep looking.
Love yourself for the beautiful person you are.
Love from me. Xx

#40 Toomuch

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Posted 21 August 2013 - 10:42 AM

Dear Gayle.
It is four and a half years since the night you were raped.
You have been through so much, lost friends, and lost your identity.
You are finally forging a new identity for yourself.
It wasn't your fault. You said you didn't want to have sex, and Mark chose to ignore that. It was a power trip for him. Pure violence. You have so much humility after what you have been through.
It's time to start loving yourself. You are a beautiful person, who isn't damaged goods. Give yourself time and the walls you have created will open when you are ready. Those who truly care will be patient.
The fact you are able to acknowledge what has happened is a massive step. You should be really proud of this.
You are starting to remember the person you were before the rape. It's ok that you are not the same person, you are bringing some previous memories into your new identity.
You are a great swimmer, you forgot how good you were and how much it was a big part of your life. You are a strong person, and your daughter looks up to you. Keep bring the amazing person you are. Your identity is there, just keep looking.
Love yourself for the beautiful person you are.
Love from me. Xx