61 replies to this topic

[Survivors sanctuary]

OK, I know that this may have been slightly better in the simple life forum, but I wanted the general public to be able to read this if they wanted to .. So here it is .. And there are NO bad memories allowed!!

I'm taking back some of my childhood ... I wanted to show that FUN, HAPPY and GOOD NORMAL memories happened around the same time my abuse started ... The abuse memories can sometimes overwhelm the good ..

I would like to address that balance somewhat .. The title of the thread relates to the county my abuse took place, but I will not being naming people for privacy reasons ..

This idea came about after talking to somebody the other day, so what I intend is to recall a memory a day for the next month or so ... Some will be normal childhood, others may be funny. Up to you to decide ...

This is a quest I want to do, if any other members of AS want to join me on this journey then please, I would love the company ... And thank you AS for letting me do this .. It means more than words can say ..

I have a feeling most of my memories will involve animals (Grew up in rural areas!) the outdoors, water and mud!

I have edited this intro, because as I have been doing this thread I needed to say, despite the horrors I suffered as a child a lot of my childhood was 'normal', I have always acknowledged the fact I was extremely honoured to have a good loving home and a wonderful family, not all survivors have been so lucky and for that reason .....

I would like to dedicate these memories to those that were less fortunate than myself ..


So to start, well, I guess the one thing I fell in love with about that time and has stayed with me for what, the past 35 years ..

The memory of being at a friends farm and riding a horse for the first time, and believe me he was a BIG boy but as soft as butter, a chestnut gelding 16.2 hands high, I felt as though I was on top of the world ... I don't think my feet got half way down the saddle! I know I didn't want to get off him! Horses have been a huge part of my life since ..

Edited to add, it is now Christmas time, so I hope to add a few nice Christmas stories, please feel free to join in ..

Edited by Survivors sanctuary, 13 December 2007 - 06:19 AM.

[Survivors sanctuary]

One thing I forgot to say yesterday was that I am not going to worry about putting these thoughts in a correct timeline as such, they are all relevent to around the time of the abuse that started at that age though ..

Well, time for todays thought!

Lying out underneath the beech tree on the front lawn (We rented a big place at this time) at night time watching the bats flit through the trees and looking at the moon and the stars ... I still love doing that!

[Survivors sanctuary]

Good memory dreaming ..

Mine for today is similar ..

Sitting in front of a roaring fire playing board games, or listening to music ..

[Survivors sanctuary]

Hard to choose the memory for today, but I think I'll go for the one that involved my sister and two friends of ours ....

The house had a large wild pond at the bottom of the front garden and we decided to make a bridge across it by weaving together the bull-rushes that surrounded the pond and used wood and old tyres as supporting floats, it took a while to do (Several days) but finally we finished, so first one of us went across, then another, then another and finally the fourth child made the crossing, but then we got a bit over confident and all decided to head for the middle at once. Well, the poor bridge didn't like that, gave up the ghost and deposited us into the pond, and into a couple of feet of thick black mud mostly made up of rotting vegetation from the surrounding trees ...

My Mother was greeted by four VERY SMELLY children black from the waists down, in fact we were so bad she refused to let us into the house to wash and change until she had hosed us off in the yard .. I can't remember what our friends Mother said when she collected them ...

[Ardatha]

This is a lovely thread, both for sharing memories and for reading. It puts a smile on my face when I read what has been written so far. In fact I like it so much I have to contribute too!

When I was a teenager we lived in a small town in the northern Calfornia coastal mountain range. It was my mother, my brother about 12 years old, and my stepfather Roy. Somewhere Roy had gotten hold of one of those old American Flyer wagons, the big one. Behind the house was this great trail leading to the woods. It was a lazy, sunny, warm afternoon and for some reason, a bunch of my friends, my brother and I decided it would be great fun to ride this wagon down the trail. Oh, man, we had a blast!!! The trail had a few turns that were rather precarious to navigate in that wagon but doable. Needless to say there were numerous crash and burns but we spent the whole afternoon at it! The wagon was big enough we could sit in it, put our feet at the front, hold onto the handle for dear life, and go like the wind!!! The handle wasn't really much good for steering but we tried anyway! LOL Unfortunately the wagon didn't survive the afternoon's beating it took but we had such great fun that my stepfather wasn't too annoyed. (I think he had plans for the wagon but neglected to mention it to us... ) After all, this was a time when teenagers were usually out doing drugs, drinking or raising hell, and we'd been 'peacefully' occupied all afternoon! It was so much fun watching a bunch of 'cool teenagers' acting like little kids, laughing so hard we nearly wet ourselves at times!



Meg

Edited by Ardatha, 04 February 2007 - 07:48 PM.

[Rune Tune]

My memory - Simply handling a new born lamb and being able to help feed it and keep it alive until it was strong enough to go out into the big wide world on its own for the first time (and it never lost its magic after that first time).

[Survivors sanctuary]

It was so much fun watching a bunch of 'cool teenagers' acting like little kids, laughing so hard we nearly wet ourselves at times

I enjoyed reading that, thanks Meg ..

This next one happened at this time, but not in Essex, although my family lived in Essex at the time my family come from Shropshire and this is a holiday memory .. Before I tell this I must remind people that health and safety laws were no way near what they are now ..

My Grandfather was a foreman at a local quarry and he got permission to show us around .. And we watched them blow a side of the quarry up! AMAZING, the sight of the rocks blasting and the noise when it hit was just a childs dream!

[Ardatha]

My Grandfather was a foreman at a local quarry and he got permission to show us around .. And we watched them blow a side of the quarry up! AMAZING, the sight of the rocks blasting and the noise when it hit was just a childs dream!

Not to mention the noise of the explosion. How exciting and thrilling that must have been for you!

My father drove heavy equipment, road building machinery and so forth. (Again, safety laws were not what they are now) As a kid he used to take me with him on some of the big earth moving equipment. The ride was always bouncy and bumpy, and the noise from the machines was incredible. No wonder he was always partially deaf by the end of the season. (They didn't work in the winter.) To a kid, sitting on that huge piece of equipment was awesome, believe me! It was always so cool when I could go along with him.



Meg

[Catherine]

Its xmas, not sure how old I Was, but we walked to our local shop, that is my mum, brother and myself. We were given a box of tangerines from the shop owner, father xmas was there and we had a bar of chocolate. Then walking back home, knowing father xmas was coming that night. my brother had a train set, and I Had a talking doll called Rosebud.
IT was magic, my best xmas ever
thank you for this thread, hope you dont mind me sharing one of mine

Catherine

[Survivors sanctuary]

Hope you dont mind me sharing one of mine

Of course not, please feel free .. It's a wonderful memory, thanks for sharing ..

For today .. I have chosen being taken out sailing along the Essex coast, one of the people my Mother worked with had a small yacht and he took us out one beautiful sunny day ... I still love the sea now ....

Edited by Ihavemadeit, 06 February 2007 - 04:31 AM.

[Ardatha]

(((Catherine)))

Your story about Christmas reminded me of this one. It's a little long and at first seems rather sad but the ending is wonderful, so bear with me please.

When I was 9 years old we lived in Texarkana, Arkansas for a while. My father had trouble finding work so Christmas that year was going to be really poor. My parents talked to me about it and I was okay with that. The only thing I wanted that year for Christmas anyway was a pair of plastic pretend high heels. They were a shiny pink and gorgeous. My little heart lusted after them with everything I had. Every time we went to the store I would go right to where they were in the toy section.

Sure enough under the Christmas tree appeared one gift for each of us kids. Mine was a wedge shaped package so I just knew it was those pretend high heels. (I guess I must have loved playing dress up around that time.) Each day I would sit and stare at that package, waiting eagerly for Christmas to get there so I could play with my high heels. I daydreamed about how grown up I'd look and how cool it would be to have a pair of high heels all my own.

Christmas morning finally arrived and I tore into my present with eager glee! Finally, I would get my pretend high heels. Imagine my bitter disappointment when my present turned out to be a binder for school. I was devastated, despondent and so disappointed that I had a very hard time hiding it from my parents. I know they felt bad for me and I was really too young to try to comfort them and let them know that I understood. It was probably the saddest Christmas I ever had.

Fast forward some 43 years later, to Christmas of 2004. My daughter and her family had moved to New York to be close to me and one of my greatest joys is having the family all together for Christmas. They were at our place that year and, of course, they brought their presents for us with them and we had theirs waiting for them. My daughter handed me my present and said I had to open it immediately.

Of course, I didn't quite tear into it with the enthusiasm of a child, but I made short work of the wrappings. Imagine my sheer delight and profound joy when I beheld... you guessed it, a pair of pretend plastic high heels. I looked at my daughter with tears in my eyes and said the only thing I could think of to say, "Thank you." My heart overflowed with joy and my soul felt truly happy that day. I still look at those play high heels often and thank God for my daughter. She truly is one in a million and I'm lucky to be her mother.

[Survivors sanctuary]

Ardatha that is a wonderful story and literally brought a tear to my eye (in a good way of course).


For my next memory, its quite a simple one.
We lived near a place called St Peters. It isn't anything special in terms of what is there - its just alone that part of the coastline of Essex in the Bradwell area.

You had mounds that I later found out where sea defences, and there was also an old church nearby.

We would go and take walks along the top of the defences - Just my parents, my sister, myself and of course our dogs.
I remember loving it as I watched my father running with his dog (our chow cross we had then) and the wind in our faces.
Simply magical days on the sea front (well the estuary really but it was the sea to us)! and the simple church that seemed so awe inspiring then

Edited by Ihavemadeit, 08 February 2007 - 07:42 AM.

[Ardatha]

(((Ihavemadeit)))

I grew up on the coast of northern California and your memory brought to mind all the many days spent on the beach and the various activities we enjoyed there. Roaring bonfires where we roasted hot dogs and had lovely picnics with friends and family, riding horseback and atv's along the surf, days spent running with my dog, and the many times I took my children to the beach. It was a fishing community so times spent down on the docks watching the fishing boats go out and come in, also came to mind. Thanks for sharing that one. It definitely brought back wonderful memories of my own.

One of my favorite memories of the ocean was galloping my horse along the surf, hearing the shrill cry of the sea gulls and watching flocks of them take wing as we approached. The sun and the breeze from the ocean would make the temperatures perfect for horseback riding. The clear skies and sunshine seemed to be counterpoint to the breakers that rolled in from the ocean. At those times I felt so very much alive!!!



Meg



PS - this thread still puts a smile on my face whenever I read it. Let's hope it does everyone else.

[Survivors sanctuary]

PS - this thread still puts a smile on my face whenever I read it. Let's hope it does everyone else.

I certainly hope so as well.

My memory for today is:

Bonfire Night!

We were so lucky, because our friends had a large farm as part of The Duke of Norfolks Estate (albeit in Essex)
So when Bonfire night (Guy Fawkes) came along every year, we knew we were in for an exceptional treat.

The reason being we could have a massive bonfire compared to so many of our friends because there was not only massives of wood to take from the estate, but the space to burn it. We could also have a really intensive display of fireworks (well it seemed like the best display in the world to us then).

And once the fire would burn down, potatoes would be wrapped in foil and cooked for us all to enjoy as the evening would wear on. It was a wonderful party time for child and adult alike.