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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

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Guest Message by DevFuse

Hi I'm New Here

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15 replies to this topic

#1 Guest_Tangledmind_*

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Posted 16 June 2004 - 07:53 AM

duh.gif Hello all you guys
I feel so alone right now,i'm thinking about suicide but most of all theres this great black hole swallowing me up and fast!
I was raped over a year ago which i didnt report but instead slunk back to my anorexia/bulimia and took it out on myself.
Then last week i let my friend in for a coffee and again i found myself lying on the floor and too scared to even fight back.I was wearing my nightie,maybe i was giving the wrong signals.
When it was over and my hubbie came back we got the police and now after hours of questioning and medicals etc its his word against mine.Its my fault,the medical was too late.They found bruisingetc but it doesnt make a damn bit of difference.I just dont want to be here anymore,he's walking about fine and dandy while im just too damn scared to even answer the phone.I'm such a f****** mess, i dont know what to do.Its all wrong,this kind of thing just isnt meant to happen!!!And who's gonna believe me anyway!!this is a real small village,people love to gossip round here.
Please help!!!!
Tangled mind

#2 Survivors sanctuary

Survivors sanctuary

    We were beset by conflicts without and by fears within

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Posted 16 June 2004 - 08:38 AM

Right now as it is so raw for you, you need to feel safe so I send hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif One good thing about this place is the feeling of not being alone... hug.gif

#3 aquapit


    ~Beauty is all around~

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Posted 16 June 2004 - 01:47 PM

hug.gif Tangledmind hug.gif I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Reading this broke me down into tears... sadangel.gif

I agree with throb.gif Ihavemadeit throb.gif saying you need to feel safe right now... I know it's so hard to feel safe at times like this. Please know that we are here to talk to any time. Suicide is never the answer. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it all better for you. Know in time that it will get better. I know it's hard to imagine with all of the emotions you are going through right now... but it will get better. I hate the entire 'your word against theirs'... it sickens me to no end. I am glad you and your hubbie got the cops involved... even if things don't turn out on your side at least maybe it will give this person second thoughts about doing it again to someone else... hug.gif I'm so sorry it happened to you. hug.gif

As far as giving the wrong signals, it was not you. hammer.gif It's a damn shame that women can't go/wear/act how they want without being worried about giving wrong/mixed signals! hammer.gif We should never have to fear for our safety... but we do. ranting2.gif It's horrible how others can violate us so easily without even giving a second thought as to how it will effect our lives. cry.gif cry.gif cry.gif

Please know that we are here for you. If you ever need to talk please feel free to PM or email me any time. You are not alone here. hug.gif

Please take precious care of yourself.

throb.gif Tracy

#4 Guest_Madonna_*

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Posted 16 June 2004 - 06:00 PM

I'm so sorry for this hug.gif It's horrible to be victimized like this once, but to be revictimized is just devastating. I have been there as well. Please don't blame yourself. Just because you were wearing that nightie doesn't mean you asked for this at all!! Do not blame yourself!! The blame is on one person's shoulders alone and it certainly isn't yours!!!
Please continue to post (((Hugs)))


#5 mariposa


    <Reclaiming my wings>

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Posted 16 June 2004 - 10:44 PM

i'm so sorry this happened to you. You are not messed up, and i believe you. What happened to you is a horrible thing and whatever you were wearing wouldn't have made a difference in the presence of the horrible person who did this to you. You did the right thing by contacting the police, that was very brave.
I understand how sad you are and i'm here to support you,
hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif throb.gif hug.gif hug.gif throb.gif
Please e-mail me if you feel like it.

PS: You are so lucky to have your husband on your side.

#6 Guest_ophellia_*

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Posted 17 June 2004 - 12:31 AM

I feel you. I know exactly what its like not to be believed, my own mother didnt believe me. You should be able to walk around in you nightie when ever you want with out being worried about being violated. It took you great courage to get the police involved. If you ever need anyone to talk to or cheer you up you can e-mail me, or contact me on either yahoo or msn messenger. Take care.

#7 Guest_Tangledmind_*

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Posted 17 June 2004 - 05:16 AM

:throb: :hammer: Hi everyone
Im feeling really tearful right now,i was so touched by all your kind responses.Thankyou so much.
Im seeing a rape counsellor today.She sounded really nice on the phone.I tpld her i felt so pressurised and bullied by the police.She seemed to think this was often the case.I just feel i went through all that.........statements(hours of!!!),medical,photos..............just everything and its all been a waste of time.I dont want to be in this house anymore.........it feels so contaminated and no amount of cleaning can get rid of it.Do any you guys relate to this?
Luv Tangledmindxxxxxx

#8 betty


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Posted 17 June 2004 - 02:38 PM

just to let you know i'm thinking of you hug.gif

we're all here if you need anything


#9 Sookie



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Posted 17 June 2004 - 04:34 PM

I hope u find healing here with the help of these great ppl.....

hug.gif & wub.gif
Sookie xoxox

#10 -Nene-


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Posted 17 June 2004 - 07:53 PM

I read this last night but wasn't sure of the words to say.....
I'm really sorry thats happened to you...I can't imagine going through it again, and my heart really goes out to you.
Please find some support here, everyone is on your side

#11 Alysure


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Posted 17 June 2004 - 11:47 PM

Oh hon. I'm so sorry.

That is really horrible and it makes me angry that people would believe HIM over you. Why would anyone LIE about that. It's horrible! He should be punished. I'm here to support you if you need anything ok? My email is maiyn213@yahoo.ca if you need to vent or anything.

Please hang around. Talk with us because this place is very essential at times. Support and a safe place to get all those justified emotions out.. Okay?

Stay strong darling. I send much love to you and I wish you well. <3

#12 Guest_Tangledmind_*

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Posted 18 June 2004 - 09:19 AM

throb.gif Hi guys
Well i went to see my doctor today and she just made me feel like a nuisance and now im so ANGRY!!!!!! Maybe shes just not trained up on this kind of thing but it upset me anyways.
After that my hubbie took me away for a couple of hours.Im ok if im out with him or my kids but i just cant do it on my own.I start shaking and feeling really sick.I really want to move house,i feel it would help.Did i tell you i saw a rape counsellor yesterday?She was really nice and i feel in time i'll be able to talk to her more intimately.Shes coming every week for now and when im feeling really bad and cant sleep she said the samaritans are good,someone to talk to.My heads all over the place right now.I've been feeling really angry and irritable today,i just want to tear my skin off i feel so contaminated.Jan(the counsellor)said taking a bath with maybe a capful of dettol might make me feel better,i think its the smell,i was all for filling the bath with bleach but i could end up in hospital with really bad pain so i was convinced not to go there.
I hope you guys are ok
Luv TangledmindXXXXXXXX

#13 phoenyx


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Posted 20 June 2004 - 03:54 PM

(((((((Tangledmind))))))) I am so sorry for all you are enduring. It more than infuriates me when victims are not believed, (his word against mine)and it Really p_sses me off that your so-called "friend" did this to you ranting2.gif You are courageous to have gone to the police and filing the report. Hopefully this will stop 'him' from hurting anyone else.
I am glad you are seeing a rape counselor. She sounds like a good one. As far as your doc goes it sounds like she isn't prepared/trained to handle these types of cases. It is something she really should take a sensitivity course/seminar on. All doctors should be required to - my opinion though hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

#14 Guest_Scarlet_*

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Posted 01 July 2004 - 01:40 PM

Hi TangeledMind- (This email might have TRIGGERS)
I know I'm new here, and I hope you don't mind me replying to your post. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I know how awful it is, I've had close to the same thing happen more than once.
In your email you wrote that you were wearing a nightie and possibly giving the wrong signals. Regaurdless of what you were wearing, he had no right to do what he did. I'm just saying this because I know how easy it is to blame ourselves and to come up with every excuse as to why it's our fault. But it's not. It wasn't your fault. I just really wanted to say that to you. (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
I admire your strength and courage to report it. And i'll keep you in my prayers/thoughts (if that's ok) that all works out for you.
Right now just try to take it slow, ya know? I kow everything must be like a whirlwind. it's good that you are going to see a counsellor.
You also mentioned that your house felt very contaminated and you just can't get rid of that feeling? Just a suggestion- maybe burn some White Sage (or regular Sage) and try to invision your home in a white and pink light/bubble... maybe that will clear away some of the negative energy that is still floating about.... Just a suggestion.
My heart goes out to you. You can email me if you need to talk. I hope it was ok that I wrote this email, I hope you don't mind me replying.

#15 your.beautiful.mistake



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Posted 02 July 2004 - 11:48 AM


I'm so sorry for your experience. Please take solace in the fact that your not alone and we're here for you.

((safe hugs))