Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.
|Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.
After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.
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Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!
Posted 31 December 2010 - 02:31 AM
Great advice, thanks. I can't do it without getting upset and it turns into a bad experience for us both, but I guess I can just grit my teeth and do it anyway. A positive experience isn't important, right?
Posted 31 December 2010 - 02:42 AM
Posted 31 December 2010 - 02:42 AM
Posted 05 January 2011 - 02:15 AM
That's horrible, and, I'm sure, totally untrue.
Another one that I got:
"I think that the most traumatic thing about what happened to you was that you kept making the decision to go back to him. I implore you to ask God for forgiveness."
Never mind that he told me he would kill himself if I left him. Apparently it's all my fault.
Posted 08 February 2011 - 05:30 PM
The only person I had left to trust said that.
Posted 11 February 2011 - 07:12 PM
"Well, it takes a lot of love to forgive."
Yeah, and seeing as I've hated my father for almost 30 years, what makes you think I'll forgive him?!?
"Don't ask a question if you don't want the answer." (in regards to me trying to remember what happened to me)
When did I say I didn't want the answers?! Maybe YOU don't want them so you can still think your rich, guarded life was worse than anyone's.... but I want the answers!!!
My father-in-law before he knew:
"You don't know what it's like to have a rough life. I had to drag my father in from the front lawn at night 'cause he was too drunk to make it in the house! That's a hard life!!!" (which led to him talking about him being hit - not belittling this AT ALL - just showing where the conversation went)
My husband stopped my father-in-law one day (cause this is a common rant of his). This is how it went:
"Well, you know, I had to drag..."
"Yeah, Dad, I know... and *blackfrog* would trade places with you IN A SECOND!"
"Oh..... I'm so sorry. Tell her I'm there if she ever needs to talk."
At least that one had a happy ending.
"Well, you must have misunderstood."
Yeah, I misunderstood a 65 year old man groping the chest of a 16 year old girl and sticking his down down her throat - complete lack of miscommunication on my part.
I'll be back for more - have company.
Posted 11 February 2011 - 07:31 PM
"It seems to me that when you leave the house -
it escalates the situation and causes things to get blown out of proportion.
You should stay home - and negotiate agreement"
with the man you chose to marry and spend your life with."
Maybe you only see his rage when I run away - cause otherwise he is
throwing it in my face instead of yours?
Posted 12 February 2011 - 02:31 PM
My brother, on the abuse I experienced that he only remembers bits and pieces of.....
"It would be better if you stopped dwelling on the past and looked to the future" or "keep your chin up, you are stronger than you think"
"Why do you think about it all the time? Focus on something else"
"It was a long time ago and you should be better by now"
" I only expect you to do your best, that's all"
"I helped you last year because I felt so guilty about what happened when we were kids" He was rescued and I wasn't. His "help" came at the cost of any crumb of pride I might have scraped off the floor and why wasn't it out of love? "I have been there for you and the kids for twenty years and I came to see you every weekend when I lived in NYC and I've always tried to be there for you." No mention of love, or of him feeling he was getting anything out of our relationship, all about what he had done and how much he had tried and so on and so forth.....
Today, on my inability to pay my counselor anymore and not being able to see her now. "Why can't you go? How are you going to manage without counseling?" He was the one who offered to pay my copays so that I could F*cking go! Then he decided to stop after I ended up in the hospital.
"I love you, but....."
Posted 14 April 2011 - 12:26 PM
Posted 11 May 2011 - 06:35 AM
"Your dad wasn't that bad." - former best friend.
Because being sexually assaulted by your father since the age of four is always a hoot.
Posted 23 May 2011 - 03:47 PM
"Well I think that short skirts make a difference because then it makes it quicker and easier for rapists to pull them up."
Posted 27 May 2011 - 07:44 PM
"He is a nice man" - I cringe now when I hear anyone say that
"This topic is making me sad"
A therapist say to me = go to someone else to talk about this topic????
A therapist say "You talk about this too much" when I had not even started and I was not even seeing that one weekly. Like aren't they supposed to listen anyway. I told him off, he apologised.
Telling other people, and then coming back and telling you they have told other people. Do people not understand privacy
Edited by whitedove, 27 May 2011 - 07:45 PM.
Posted 28 May 2011 - 03:15 AM
Edited by Roamer, 14 June 2011 - 05:38 PM.
Posted 28 May 2011 - 03:28 AM
I've had someone say to me that it was basically my fault because I didn't stop it.
And I had someone ask if I liked it.
Edited by Aena, 28 May 2011 - 06:48 AM.