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Invalidation. Words Can Hurt!


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#16 aquapit

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Posted 30 March 2004 - 10:18 AM

a friend said this to me today...
"Cheer up, things can only get so bad. If you have a smile on your face all the time things are bound to get better."
...yeah, thanks ass hole. I thought things couldn't get any worse before and look, here we are at worse...what's the next stop, Hell?! Keep a smile on my face? Well let me just pull out my lipstick and paint it on cause I feel like the corners of my mouth are about to touch my feet. Got any clips I could use to clip my mouth up into a smile?

#17 Lindy

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Posted 30 March 2004 - 02:24 PM

Some of the nastiest remarks were mentioned to me: *some are T*

My brother: "Lin, if you're doing this to f*ck up the guy, then you're fucked up!"

"Take a pregnancy test and if it comes up positive, tell mom, otherwise, keep your mouth shut"

From my boss when I needed time offtopic.gif

"Are you sure this happened? You didn't dream this did you?"

From my boss, this time when I was browsing through A Sorta Fundraiser website:

"Incest. We shouldn't be helping people who are victims of incest. No one knows what is like to be raped. When you come into work and someone steals a sale from you, that's a f*ck up the ass."

My reply was: "How dare you, you know I am a survivor."

His smart ass remark:

"Who raped you, Fran?" (Meaning my close friend Francesca.

I cried for 2 days after that...

I've been told smart remarks too, but guess they weren't as bad because I have seemed to forget them.

#18 aquapit

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Posted 30 March 2004 - 03:05 PM

(((Lindy)))What an as* hole! I am so sorry. grrrrrrrrrr....people like that piss me off.

#19 Lilea

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Posted 30 March 2004 - 06:21 PM

Does that fu*king IDIOT of a boss know you could nail his balls to the wall if you pressed the issue?!?!?! I would be tempted to talk to Human Resources about "sensitivty training"... bet he'd shape up then! Not to mention the reference to your best friend could be perceived as sexula harrassment what an inconsiderate jerk, to say the least. Sad thing is, I've heard female coworkers make comments about women who come into the ER post-rape... to the effect of:

"Well, if she wouldn't have been at the bar/back alley/bad part of town, this would have never happened!"

AND these are NURSES?!?!?!

How can people be so cruel and thoughtless? I guess I just should hope and pray it never happens to them... and someday when I have the guts, speak up about my own past.

*Sigh *rolls eyes

#20 aquapit

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Posted 30 March 2004 - 07:15 PM

(Lilea) Nurses should never say things like that, no one should.... The nurses that I worked with never made comments like that ever! I can't believe some people! If my co-workers would have made comments like that around me I think I would have taken it to our administrator because as nurses, we should know better. Plus you never know when a patient is lurking arond a corner. I am sorry that you have to work with shuch jerks. It's not cool.

#21 Lilea

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Posted 30 March 2004 - 07:53 PM

Yikes... just reread my post... little bit more anger there than I realized... feel like I need to defend the profession now, because this is fortunately the MINORITY... I work with some wonderful wonderful nurses too... who would never say such horrible things. I guess it's just a sad sad truth that even people who are supposed to help us can be so hurtful...

#22 your.beautiful.mistake

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Posted 31 March 2004 - 12:22 AM

vera --

great thread idea. thanks. -smiles and hugs-

'you have nothing to be crying about, so stop crying. you have nothing to feel bad about.'

'don't let him make you a vicitm. (but) you were a victim of a crime.'

'we're going to press legal action/charges wether you like it or not.'

'let me see your scars (self-injury).'

'what exactly did he do/say/touch/etc. you. exact dates, times, etc.'

-shrugs-

good thread. thanks.

<3
alex


#23 Guest_NewFoundLife_*

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Posted 01 April 2004 - 02:06 PM

Some people's comments just piss me off. They are so stupid. "Get over it" duh...u get over it...dealing with sexual abuse isn't something one just get's over. U have to deal with it...cope with it the rest of ur life. It must be nice to be able to make such stupid comments to a survivor having had not the joy of experiencing a life changing trauma. To them I say "bite my ass".

#24 Kelly

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Posted 01 April 2004 - 09:41 PM

Oooohhh...this hit home with me today. I was told by a (former) friend that she didn't care what kind of life I had growing up or what my childhood was like....and then went on to rip into me for something I totally don't understand sad.gif. It hurt like hell. Not so much that she ripped into me but that she threw my past back into my face when it had nothing to do with anything.

[Edited on 4-2-2004 by Kelly]

#25 Guest_moonsmile_*

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Posted 01 April 2004 - 10:03 PM

My mother found out about my stepfather abusing me by reading my journal. She sat me down to ask me about it and before she said a thing. I told her I knew what she was about to ask and the answer was yes. SHe then said, " are you sure it was him?"

The wild thing about it is my mother was abused by her father all her childhood. I thought she would understand. She doesn't even believe me

#26 Guest_Dreamer_*

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Posted 02 April 2004 - 12:31 AM

I've had some dumb things said to me:

from a former best friend - we're no longer talking: when I said how my dad would yell at me when my mom wouldn't sleep with him since this was somehow my fault "oh, you know why...it's because you look just like your mother..."
or this from another close friend:"are you sure you didn't hallucinate it, I mean you were really hallucinating a lot of things at the time."
from a stupid psychiatrist: "you actually think what?" okay it's not called mental illness for nothing, you'd think he never had a patient before, though he had been in practice for 25 yrs.

But I also had a thought: Let's start a thread of the nicest, strongest, wisest, most encouraging words people have spoken to us.

~ dreamer.

#27 aquapit

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Posted 02 April 2004 - 11:50 PM

"Get over it and move on" WTF?! I'm sorry, let me say that again...WTF?!!!!!

"It's in the past now, don't let it bother you any more!" rrrrrright....sh*t for brains, you are quailfied to say this why??? Oh that's right, you're not so shut the f**k up.

"Like my life isn't bad enough right now, I have to listen and support you with your 'poor me' past bull sh*t. Move on, you can't be hurting that bad from something that happened in your past!" Thanks a lot jerk, now I feel like crawling under a rock for the rest of my life.

There you go...I have heard all three of these today...I feel like sh*t. sad.gif:mad:sad.gif

#28 Sookie

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Posted 03 April 2004 - 02:51 AM

I wrote a letter 2 my mother over 2yrs ago as i found out what she said about my father s*xua*ly a*usein me-she said all these 2 police en social workers en councilers..
"She asked for it"
"When her father comes home from jail(goal) 2 live with us i wil have 2 keep an eye on "Sookie""
My bro"Nothin happened she just wants 2 take away my good dad"
(He was @ da age of really needin him..)
my bro even went as far as 2 call me a sl*t..
Ive only just got contact with my mother again thou id never 4give norr 4get wot she said..
(am i crazy 2 want contact with her again after all that?!)
guess we wil c if so..

STICKS EN STONES CAN BREAK MY BONES BUT NAMES CAN NEVER HURT ME-im not sure this childrens ryhme is true now..
sad.gif
((huggles,smiles en friendship love)) xo

P.S: May every nice words we say 2 1 another whipe away all the bad 1s.!

#29 Sookie

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Posted 03 April 2004 - 03:00 AM

P.P.S: Words from others 2 me..
"Did u enjoy it??" -Yeah thats y i put a stop 2 it/sum ppl r just stupid!!
"Did he..??!!"-enter ere any s*xu*al thing thats 2 do with s*x (L*ckin,t**chin,f**gerin..)
Thou i sumtimes dont mind the q i have found ive got 2 b prpaired 4 them so i think this notice/forum is good 4 every1 as we can all get ready 4 ANY q that wil b asked 2 us bout it..
((huggles,smiles en friendship love)) xo

#30 Alysure

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Posted 03 April 2004 - 03:21 AM

people are such sick bastards. there are some comments my friend has made before that really bothered me.

mostly just ignorant male double standards and him trying to continuously convince me that his life is more terrible than mine. i just don't care about that, i just wanted him to be my friend when i needed it. no one ever really was.

<3 ignore em! :P