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Empathy, Sympathy Or Directive When Supporting You Choose
Posted 19 February 2006 - 08:43 AM
Posted 19 February 2006 - 08:45 AM
Posted 19 February 2006 - 08:54 AM
"wow, that was a huge Fraudean Slip on my part!! I had not realised I had posted the 'leave me alone' post. I wrote it then decided not to send it. Must have pressed wrong button. Now I am shaking and exposed, because I guess it is the real truth. I have had enough."
Saying it as you feel it is never wrong and its so ok to feel how you feel. Looking back over the mails three responding members have agreed with you (they have all felt and feel that way too)...I definately feel this way on many occassions and that is the most human feeling of all sometimes.
If I am in my study and my door is shut, then the family know what is going on and leave me to work it out...
Of all the insights, your's was the one that was 'most human'... there is great healing in this Karen, empathy means someone else helping you to identify and work on the feelings you experience, they make you think differently :o(...
maybe this was a self revelation for you, that means you can now begin working on that area with your therapist..or with the people on this site...you won't receive judgement here Karen...hopefully you wont be to hard on yourself, you so don't deserve that...
Posted 19 February 2006 - 01:13 PM
But yet there is room to hug the trapped survivor? In my own world and the hole I imagine there is room for the survivor that jumped down to help push out the trapped survivor. Then the now not trapped survivor becomes the empathic one and gives a hand to the sympathetic survivor that jumped down to give the hug which gave the trapped survivor enough strength to climb out.
Anyways, just my thoughts.
Posted 19 February 2006 - 02:23 PM
And valid thoughts as well!! because this is after all your world...
"But yet there is room to hug the trapped survivor? In my own world and the hole I imagine there is room for the survivor that jumped down to help push out the trapped survivor. Then the now not trapped survivor becomes the empathic one and gives a hand to the sympathetic survivor that jumped down to give the hug which gave the trapped survivor enough strength to climb out."
I wondered why someone would have to jump in to push the other out, only to be trapped themselves, bit like saying that the rescuer has to have experience of being trapped with the other person if they are to rescue them ...
If the initial passer by shows empathy then the journey out of the hole is quicker and only one person has ever been trapped...it would also mean a fantastic HUG at the top of the hole :o)
"Anyways, just my thoughts. "
Hey, your thoughts are excellent and make me search myself for answers...so grateful for them#
Posted 19 February 2006 - 02:58 PM
Posted 19 February 2006 - 04:09 PM
good points !
"I wondered where trust came in all of this. If i was the survivor stuck in the hole then I would have to trust the passer by whether they were sympathetic, empathic or directive."
Yes,you absloutely would, this is the main reason people stay in the hole trying to find a way out themselves (ongoing , stuckness) they understandibly find it difficult to trust or have noone to trust :o(
"Also for myself I would have to be honest enough to let the passerby know that I even needed any help. I would shout up 'no, Im fine no need to worry, bye!' and get rid of them quickly then continue my struggle."
Two causes for this generally.Firstly denial that they are actually in a hole even though they know that they are :o( Or a form of shame, they dont want to be seen in a hole, it will mean the mask slipping and they may be seen as weak (can;t have that when we have learned to always portrey the opposite).
"When in fact what I truely want is for them to drag me out, take me home, and look after me for the foreseeable future!!"
The empathic survivor will help you to drag yourself out and will be sure in the knowlege that you are strong enough to look after yourself for the foreseeable future. See the empathic survivor knows the strength you possessed prior to falling into the hole and are more than capable of looking after yourself :o)...
"This is of course the exact opposite to what I said earlier. I do not know how to account for that."
I'd account for it by the fact that empathy is the more scarey proposition and so when in a hole we tend to regress and miss the way we were looked after as children..our learned way of being and our most comfortable way of being is being looked after. We are all original and therefore you have the absoloute right to change your preference, for that is what empathy allows you to do :o)
Posted 10 May 2006 - 02:56 AM
Posted 10 May 2006 - 05:21 AM
How about we all sit in this hole together with chocalate cake and coke and blether the day away about nothing in particular. We could put up a huge diversion sign so that everyone walks down a different street (thanks Hope I stole that from one of your posts!) and I am sure we would have a great time! Sorry Brian we have hijaked your post!!
Posted 12 May 2006 - 11:23 AM
Posted 20 May 2006 - 02:08 AM
I have a client who once every three months or so, binge drinks, the binge drinking leads to depression, but once every three months he still feels the need to binge drink and finds himself down that same hole again :O(
There is an old saying in therapy and that is , 'there is no such thing as bad empathy'... so as long as you are trying to empathise, then you wont go far wrong..Empathy means that you dont have to have the answers for others, (so how can you say something wrong) , but rather trust that they have the answers themselves...your answering empathically means that the person trapped in the hole, may see a little clearer and rthen answers their own questions...if they don't, then you have lost nothing by trying and they are no worse off than they already where, they are already at the bottom of the hole and can't go deeper...
Hope that you are well..
Posted 20 May 2006 - 02:23 AM
"How about... it's my hole and nobody is meant to notice me in it !! ..."
I Smiled when I read this... but by being here , on this site, you tell everyone that you are definatley in that hole, and therefore the three different types of people will definately pass and see you..more so if they are or have been stuck in similar holes themselves...:o(
Posted 21 May 2006 - 04:20 AM
Posted 21 May 2006 - 04:38 AM
Best wishes to you