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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us at aftersilence.org@gmail.com
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#1 Serenity Unchained

Serenity Unchained
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  • 3 posts

Posted 20 December 2005 - 12:41 PM

Hello, Iím Kira. My friend, Davey, has been trying to get me to join for quite sometime now and Iíve finally decided to do it. Iím not a very open person and it takes a lot for me to trust people, so Iím not here to make friends. That sounds pretty blunt, yes, but Iím still not liking the idea of joining and I wonít have any of it. Lately, Iíve been conversing with someone from here, Fern. She's probably the only person I will really talk to for awhile. Iím not a very friendly person, at least I donít think. So, donít expect me to want to be your friend. I'm sure Davey has already discussed my past with you, so I see no need to repeat it.

Iíd like to think Iíve changed somewhat dramatically since talking to Davey. I think I've become a better person because of him. If you were hoping this would tell you all you need to know about me, I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken. I'm a person that you need to talk to quite a bit before you catch onto my tendancies. Being so insecure, I distance myself from any social life beyond one or two friends. Because of my isolation, I am very dependant on the few people I love and care about. Because of that dependancey, I fear abandonment and respond poorly to change. I find the smallest daily tasks, such as making apointments or going shopping, more than a hassle and avoid them if possible. No matter what life throws at me, I will not render myself to a pathetic stage of mindless indulgence in my own self pity.

Because of my ME (myalgic encephalitis)I am exhausted 95% of the time and sleep as much as possible. I have a paranoid fear that one day I'll wake up and everyone I love will be gone because I've slept so long. So I sometimes wish to avoid sleep, even if I am on the verge of collapse. I schedule my schooling around the chances that should I get randomly ill, as it happens loads, that I have what studying material I need to do my work at home.

I hate leaving my house, but love the idea of travelling. I often go in my backyard and just stare out at the city pondering what I'm going to do with my life. The world is my playground, but honestly, slides and see-saws are just not my thing. I have an overwhelming fear of death. I get paranoid that people such as the mail man or near by construction workers are trying to kill me. I am nearly in tears if a plane flies over my house as I think it will bomb me. I am extremely self-aware and at the same time I confuse myself into holes. Whenever I cross-examine myself, which happens frequently, I can never quite understand why I feel some of the things I feel. I have a low opinion of myself in that respect, as I despise pity-seeking, yet often catch myself trying to be innocent. However, I am trying to accept that it is human nature to defend yourself.

sadangel.gif <- I love that angel.

Edited by Serenity Unchained, 20 December 2005 - 12:47 PM.


#2 Vera

Vera

    She's been gone, have you seen her?

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Posted 20 December 2005 - 03:18 PM

QUOTE(Serenity Unchained @ Dec 20 2005, 12:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hello, Iím Kira. My friend, Davey, has been trying to get me to join for quite sometime now and Iíve finally decided to do it. Iím not a very open person and it takes a lot for me to trust people, so Iím not here to make friends. That sounds pretty blunt, yes, but Iím still not liking the idea of joining and I wonít have any of it.

Kira, if you don't want to be here, then you should not be here. We welcome survivors of sexual abuse, but only when they make the choice to join this board. If you are joining because someone else wants you to, it is just as useless as going to therapy against your wish just to please someone else.

QUOTE(Serenity Unchained @ Dec 20 2005, 12:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Lately, Iíve been conversing with someone from here, Fern. She's probably the only person I will really talk to for awhile. Iím not a very friendly person, at least I donít think. So, donít expect me to want to be your friend.


I'm sorry Kira but this is a community with many members. If you wish to talk with one person only, I suggest you download yahoo messenger, or msm, or aol. There are many ways for you and fern to talk with one another. After Silence is not a messenger service.