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[Serenity Unchained]

Hello, I’m Kira. My friend, Davey, has been trying to get me to join for quite sometime now and I’ve finally decided to do it. I’m not a very open person and it takes a lot for me to trust people, so I’m not here to make friends. That sounds pretty blunt, yes, but I’m still not liking the idea of joining and I won’t have any of it. Lately, I’ve been conversing with someone from here, Fern. She's probably the only person I will really talk to for awhile. I’m not a very friendly person, at least I don’t think. So, don’t expect me to want to be your friend. I'm sure Davey has already discussed my past with you, so I see no need to repeat it.

I’d like to think I’ve changed somewhat dramatically since talking to Davey. I think I've become a better person because of him. If you were hoping this would tell you all you need to know about me, I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken. I'm a person that you need to talk to quite a bit before you catch onto my tendancies. Being so insecure, I distance myself from any social life beyond one or two friends. Because of my isolation, I am very dependant on the few people I love and care about. Because of that dependancey, I fear abandonment and respond poorly to change. I find the smallest daily tasks, such as making apointments or going shopping, more than a hassle and avoid them if possible. No matter what life throws at me, I will not render myself to a pathetic stage of mindless indulgence in my own self pity.

Because of my ME (myalgic encephalitis)I am exhausted 95% of the time and sleep as much as possible. I have a paranoid fear that one day I'll wake up and everyone I love will be gone because I've slept so long. So I sometimes wish to avoid sleep, even if I am on the verge of collapse. I schedule my schooling around the chances that should I get randomly ill, as it happens loads, that I have what studying material I need to do my work at home.

I hate leaving my house, but love the idea of travelling. I often go in my backyard and just stare out at the city pondering what I'm going to do with my life. The world is my playground, but honestly, slides and see-saws are just not my thing. I have an overwhelming fear of death. I get paranoid that people such as the mail man or near by construction workers are trying to kill me. I am nearly in tears if a plane flies over my house as I think it will bomb me. I am extremely self-aware and at the same time I confuse myself into holes. Whenever I cross-examine myself, which happens frequently, I can never quite understand why I feel some of the things I feel. I have a low opinion of myself in that respect, as I despise pity-seeking, yet often catch myself trying to be innocent. However, I am trying to accept that it is human nature to defend yourself.

<- I love that angel.

Edited by Serenity Unchained, 20 December 2005 - 12:47 PM.

[Vera]

Hello, I’m Kira. My friend, Davey, has been trying to get me to join for quite sometime now and I’ve finally decided to do it. I’m not a very open person and it takes a lot for me to trust people, so I’m not here to make friends. That sounds pretty blunt, yes, but I’m still not liking the idea of joining and I won’t have any of it.

Kira, if you don't want to be here, then you should not be here. We welcome survivors of sexual abuse, but only when they make the choice to join this board. If you are joining because someone else wants you to, it is just as useless as going to therapy against your wish just to please someone else.

Lately, I’ve been conversing with someone from here, Fern. She's probably the only person I will really talk to for awhile. I’m not a very friendly person, at least I don’t think. So, don’t expect me to want to be your friend.

I'm sorry Kira but this is a community with many members. If you wish to talk with one person only, I suggest you download yahoo messenger, or msm, or aol. There are many ways for you and fern to talk with one another. After Silence is not a messenger service.