Jump to content


Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us at aftersilence.moderators@gmail.com
Guest Message by DevFuse
 

Photo

The Inner Child Thread


  • Please log in to reply
458 replies to this topic

#46 dodo

dodo

    before the end

  • Contributing Member
  • 17,378 posts

Posted 31 October 2005 - 09:09 AM

The thing I remember most of all from my childhood is hiding. I had 7 really good hiding places in the street where I lived. All of them very hard to get into and out of but all of them withing hearing distance of my abuser. If he called I had to get to him by the time he counted a hundred. So as hiding places go they were pretty useless!! They didn't hide me as much as contain me until I was called.

I think as a child I was pretty stupid. The effort and pain it took to get into some of these places shows how stupid she must have been if they were of no protection.

Karen

#47 heathbar

heathbar

    Healing is a choice that we must do daily

  • Member
  • 2,548 posts

Posted 31 October 2005 - 09:17 AM

Idon't think I buy into the inner child, but I can understand how one does.

I think as a kid I was constantly trying to please people I didn't like confrontation, I think she was weak and vunerable afraid to speak up. As an adult she now hides behind it, pathetic isn't it.

#48 Guest_-Jennifer-_*

Guest_-Jennifer-_*
  • Guests

Posted 31 October 2005 - 06:06 PM

QUOTE
As an adult she now hides behind it, pathetic isn't it.


Compassion for what you have survived begins within ourselves. Not to step out of my place, but I don't take that comment as being nice to yourself.

I used to not understand the whole "inner child" idea as well...I tend to see people who do not "buy into the whole inner child thing" have yet to discover their own inner child.....




((Ruthie)) I really do think this is a great thread. ((hugs))


Today the little one inside of me got to play with Zak (nephew). While I felt exhausted from managing a 6 month old, and two dogs, I would suddenly burst out in song and dance in front of Zak to make him laugh. I sat and shrieked and giggled right along with him.

There is a deep fear inside of me that I believe is stemming from my little one. I think it has to do with a past of instability, constantly being uprooted and moved about, and dealing with conflict with loved ones/family. I'm here visiting with my family, and I absolutely do not under any circumstance want to go back to South Florida. I don't want to go back and sit alone in the dark, go to work all day and bust my butt, shove school under the table once again (b/c work doesn't think I should be up here trying to get school in order), I just want to stay here! I can see her inside of me, crossing my little arms across my chest, stamping my foot, puckering and shouting "NO I DON"T WANT TO!"....I can even tell you that my hair is stringing and deshevled from running around in the crisp morning air.

I know if I tell Scott I do not want to go back down there that will cause conflict between him and I. Its not that I don't want to be with him, I do, I just don't want to go back down there! I want to stay here with my family. I don't want to go to work at the bookstore, I'd rather continue with my own business, and make my own schedule, work from home....Both of us just feel exhausted (me and lil one)....and frustrated b/c I am not at a point where I can provide for myself (without a second income) and that makes lil one insecure....a problem that my parents had when I was younger......

I think she fears having to relive what happened then to what direction in life I am taking....Well I am rambling now and the trick or treaters are coming by so I gotta scoot on outta here.

#49 Jane

Jane

    Fighting for it all

  • Member
  • 1,273 posts

Posted 31 October 2005 - 09:57 PM

I do not believe I have an inner child. Even so I'm glad you ladies found a way to help in anyway heal things hurt as a result of your SA.

*hugs*

#50 MelissaBlue

MelissaBlue
  • Member
  • 520 posts

Posted 01 November 2005 - 01:00 AM

Mel let me speek!

she let me speek today to a nice lady called shawon. shawon likes uz. sumwun likes uz!
shawon gibs uz nice things to play wid. a toi cow that is all fallin to bits coz lots of littl girls and bois playd with it.

We likes Mel agen coz she let uz speek. wun fing she sed i not understan is dat we gots to lern wen is rite time to speek.
speekin all time is not gud mel said. sometimes she haz to speek, like at school an stuff. wot duz that meen?
we go for wawk now and look at pwetty flowrs and play wid doggies.
bibi.

(now i can't keep her quiet, i let her speak once, and she wants to speak all the time. help!)

mel + little mel

#51 heathbar

heathbar

    Healing is a choice that we must do daily

  • Member
  • 2,548 posts

Posted 01 November 2005 - 07:37 AM

I am usually not nice to myself, I am pretty hard on myself. I have an Inner child I know she is there, she's about 6. I just don't want to reconize, or acknowledge her. Maybe I am not at that point yet. For some reason I can't get in touch with her.

But I have found this thread to be intresting. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my last post, if I did sorry.

#52 Guest_Dawn_*

Guest_Dawn_*
  • Guests

Posted 01 November 2005 - 02:31 PM

Dear little one (my new name for my inner child) We have had a hectic couple of days haven't we? I am feeling very very lost in my new job, which is really stupid because i know how to do the job with my eyes closed. but there are so many new faces (both staff and children) and that's what i struggle with ~ the social side of the job.
It's funny how i relate to little kids so very very well, but give me an adult and its like i have been thrown into a pit of despair, i wouldn't mind but the adults at the nursery are not that friendly, which makes me recoil into my shell again, making me look quiet and stupid... all the other staff know one another and then there's me out on a limb.... however i must perservere at it because mum will go mad if i leave tongue.gif
I don't really like the way the nursery does lots of things, but for now i need to bite my tongue because im not in a position to say anything or make changes... that i also find hard. I really feel lonely in my job, and could just sit and cry cry.gif
anyway little one, you don't need to be hearing me moan, i just wanna say that although im tired and stressed i haven't forgotten about you, and i don't want you to feel scared about the situation we find ourself in right now with regards to work, as there is nothing you can do about it.
Dawn


#53 CJ

CJ

    I'm so glam I pee glitter

  • Contributing Member
  • 3,355 posts

Posted 01 November 2005 - 02:45 PM

At first i was scared of this thread because i wasn't quite sure i understood it. My childhood was very messy, my mum died when i was young and noone explained anything to me, i thought everyone didnt have a mum. So i guess i want to tell my inner child that just because someones not there it doesnt mean they dont love you. And although you might feel lonely right now people are looking out for you and they care.

Ive probably ended up doing this wrong so dont laugh!

#54 tealight rookie

tealight rookie

    Feel

  • Member
  • 2,438 posts

Posted 01 November 2005 - 02:53 PM

QUOTE(CJ997 @ Nov 1 2005, 07:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
At first i was scared of this thread because i wasn't quite sure i understood it. My childhood was very messy, my mum died when i was young and noone explained anything to me, i thought everyone didnt have a mum. So i guess i want to tell my inner child that just because someones not there it doesnt mean they dont love you. And although you might feel lonely right now people are looking out for you and they care.

Ive probably ended up doing this wrong so dont laugh!


There is no 'wrong' way to do this smile.gif

You're doing just fine. Just take it as it comes. She is in there, and she will guide you.

hug.gif Ruthie

#55 ~Catherine~

~Catherine~

    Maybe life chose me after all

  • Member
  • 1,088 posts

Posted 01 November 2005 - 09:33 PM

I've felt the same way CJ has. I was never sure hwo to approach this thread.

Lately I've been having images in my mind from my childhood, I'm not sure what they are.... I wonder if maybe it is my inner child trying to speak. but I to scared of her. I seem to be scared of alot lately. It was always so hard for me after my father died. I was his little girl, and I still miss him so much. After he died I had to grow up so fast, I knew that things would never be the same. My mom starting complaining to me about all of her problems, the bills, money, family. I was 10!! what was I going to do about it all.

I can remember times I think she was trying to speak. The times when i was in high school and would want nothing more then to go home and play with my barbies. I still act so immature, I think its because I don't want her to speak. I'm always akward in social situations.

I'm sorry, I guess I didn't do this right. I'm not fully sure if i can let her talk or if i can talk to her, but saying all this did help.

If this is wrong I will delete it.....


~Catherine

#56 Guest_Dawn_*

Guest_Dawn_*
  • Guests

Posted 02 November 2005 - 03:17 AM

(((catherine))))) and ((((CJ))))))

I think like ruthie said there is no 'wrong' way of responding to this thread.... just post what yuo wnat when you want... its sometimes amazing to see what flows.

I know this thread for me has really helped my inner child and myself... i had previously done inner child work on my own, but not got very far in it, maybe because i pushed myself, maybe because i felt alone... using this thread means i don't feel quite so alone.

Thanks for this thread ruthie, its great to see how its 'developing'

Dawn
wub.gif

#57 MelissaBlue

MelissaBlue
  • Member
  • 520 posts

Posted 02 November 2005 - 07:29 AM

can she speak here, is that ok? i guess it's too late now. she already has. do you guys mind if i am little sometimes? i feel so scared, too scared to be *big* all the time. little mel needs to come out and play. she wants to all the time. she doesn't quite know when the right time is yet, and she has lots of questions. if i can create a sfe place for her to speak, then i guess it wil be ok. can u guys help me

#58 tealight rookie

tealight rookie

    Feel

  • Member
  • 2,438 posts

Posted 02 November 2005 - 07:52 AM

QUOTE(MelissaBlue @ Nov 2 2005, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
can she speak here, is that ok? i guess it's too late now. she already has. do you guys mind if i am little sometimes? i feel so scared, too scared to be *big* all the time. little mel needs to come out and play. she wants to all the time. she doesn't quite know when the right time is yet, and she has lots of questions. if i can create a sfe place for her to speak, then i guess it wil be ok. can u guys help me


Yes, of course she can smile.gif

If you like, could you start by saying hello to her, and telling her that she is safe? We are here for both of you, but the person she probably most wants to hear from is you. wub.gif

hug.gif Ruthie

#59 rainbowstar

rainbowstar
  • Member
  • 410 posts

Posted 02 November 2005 - 07:58 AM

Hugs for my little one hug.gif hug.gif hug.gif

Edited by rainbowstar, 03 November 2005 - 02:59 AM.


#60 MelissaBlue

MelissaBlue
  • Member
  • 520 posts

Posted 03 November 2005 - 12:41 AM

hi little Mel

we know you are very smart and have lots of questions and things you want to know. we also know you are scared to ask them, scared to come out and speak even though you want to, for fear i might keep you quiet. but remember when i let you speak with sharon? well we can do that more often here, it's very safe. there are lots of littles here who are just like you. you don't have to be brave all the time, you can be like a little girl, playful, messy, all those things you were taught were wrong.
it's not wrong. it's fine.