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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

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6 replies to this topic

#1 biseach

biseach
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Posted 31 January 2015 - 09:00 AM

Hi. I'm new here & torn between blurting everything out & shying away from saying anything. I've been telling myself for years the things that have happened were no big deal & haven't affected me. Now I know they have affected me deeply but a big part of me believes they shouldn't have & that I brought them on myself. So while I want to heal from feeling the way I do about myself & about men, I don't feel entitled to need to heal, if you see what I mean. I have a lot of questions about the things that happened & whether I see them in the same way other people would. So, that's where I am. I don't really want to blurt things out for the wrong reasons & hope I'll read posts for a bit first but there's a pressure inside me to finally ask other people whether it's ok to feel the way I do.

#2 ActivistAlly

ActivistAlly
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Posted 31 January 2015 - 10:37 AM

Hi. I'm new here & torn between blurting everything out & shying away from saying anything. I've been telling myself for years the things that have happened were no big deal & haven't affected me. Now I know they have affected me deeply but a big part of me believes they shouldn't have & that I brought them on myself. So while I want to heal from feeling the way I do about myself & about men, I don't feel entitled to need to heal, if you see what I mean. I have a lot of questions about the things that happened & whether I see them in the same way other people would. So, that's where I am. I don't really want to blurt things out for the wrong reasons & hope I'll read posts for a bit first but there's a pressure inside me to finally ask other people whether it's ok to feel the way I do.

Hello Biseach, :hi:

 

Welcome to AS (After Silence)!!!

 

Well, it's okay to just hang out for a while and look things over.  There is no requirement that you post a certain amount or tell everything and there is no rule that you have to respond to others either or give a certain amount of support.  We want you to take it easy at your own pace and never feel pressured to do anything that is not completely comfortable for you.

 

I know what you mean by going back and forth between realizing you've been through some soul crushing tragic experiences and then thinking it was no biggie.   One thing I think you'll find common is that survivors often feel they were somehow to blame or "brought it on themselves."  Well that's not true.  You're not to blame and you're not at fault.  Part of feeling that way is that trauma effects our brains to produce feelings like that, but though they sometimes "feel" true they aren't!  That said, oh dear, it is OKAY to feel how you feel.  It's perfectly understandable and SO many survivors share those types of feelings. 

 

Well, i think you deserve to heal and you merit nothing but kindness and compassion.  It's totally okay to blurt things out even for the wrong reasons if it will help you on the path to healing.  That's what AS is all about.  Think of the members of AS walking beside you every step of the way with support.  :)

 

Welcome again and I hope you will find AS to be a kind and safe place to let out all those feelings that it sounds like you've kept inside for quite some time.

 

With support,

 

Activist Ally



#3 MeBeMary

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Posted 31 January 2015 - 11:58 AM

Hello Biseach.  I know those conflicted feelings so well.  It's not easy taking a step like this, but you have.  I'm sorry for what you went thru, but you do deserve to heal, everyone does.  I've only found my way here a short time ago, but I have seen there is really no wrong way of expressing yourself.  You will never be judged, and you will always have support.  Best of luck to you.

 

Mary



#4 reglois

reglois

    Reglois

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Posted 31 January 2015 - 01:37 PM

:aswelcomesu:  :youcanheal:  :notalone:  :bighug: if OK



#5 biseach

biseach
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  • 40 posts

Posted 31 January 2015 - 04:15 PM

Hi. I'm new here & torn between blurting everything out & shying away from saying anything. I've been telling myself for years the things that have happened were no big deal & haven't affected me. Now I know they have affected me deeply but a big part of me believes they shouldn't have & that I brought them on myself. So while I want to heal from feeling the way I do about myself & about men, I don't feel entitled to need to heal, if you see what I mean. I have a lot of questions about the things that happened & whether I see them in the same way other people would. So, that's where I am. I don't really want to blurt things out for the wrong reasons & hope I'll read posts for a bit first but there's a pressure inside me to finally ask other people whether it's ok to feel the way I do.

Hello Biseach, :hi:
 
Welcome to AS (After Silence)!!!
 
Well, it's okay to just hang out for a while and look things over.  There is no requirement that you post a certain amount or tell everything and there is no rule that you have to respond to others either or give a certain amount of support.  We want you to take it easy at your own pace and never feel pressured to do anything that is not completely comfortable for you.
 
I know what you mean by going back and forth between realizing you've been through some soul crushing tragic experiences and then thinking it was no biggie.   One thing I think you'll find common is that survivors often feel they were somehow to blame or "brought it on themselves."  Well that's not true.  You're not to blame and you're not at fault.  Part of feeling that way is that trauma effects our brains to produce feelings like that, but though they sometimes "feel" true they aren't!  That said, oh dear, it is OKAY to feel how you feel.  It's perfectly understandable and SO many survivors share those types of feelings. 
 
Well, i think you deserve to heal and you merit nothing but kindness and compassion.  It's totally okay to blurt things out even for the wrong reasons if it will help you on the path to healing.  That's what AS is all about.  Think of the members of AS walking beside you every step of the way with support.  :)
 
Welcome again and I hope you will find AS to be a kind and safe place to let out all those feelings that it sounds like you've kept inside for quite some time.
 
With support,
 
Activist Ally

Thanks so much Ally. I really appreciate your reply, which is very reassuring because I've never tried to get any kind of support before. It has been a very long time. The first time was 22 years ago & it's only in the past year I've seen the coping mechanisms I used after & how they changed after the last time 10 years ago & how neither kind helped me at all.

It often feels like half my brain is saying "It's normal to feel like you're wrong about everything" & the other half is saying "yes but I'm the exception because I really am wrong"!

Thank you again (if I'd worked out smiles, I'd put one in here!)

#6 biseach

biseach
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Posted 31 January 2015 - 04:21 PM

Hello Biseach.  I know those conflicted feelings so well.  It's not easy taking a step like this, but you have.  I'm sorry for what you went thru, but you do deserve to heal, everyone does.  I've only found my way here a short time ago, but I have seen there is really no wrong way of expressing yourself.  You will never be judged, and you will always have support.  Best of luck to you.
 
Mary


Thank you Mary. And thank you for your own introduction post too. Reading your post helped me to decide that it was time to try to talk by joining the forum. I'm sorry for what you went through too but really glad you're already feeling so supported. Thank you again & all the best of luck to you in your own healing too.

#7 biseach

biseach
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  • 40 posts

Posted 31 January 2015 - 04:23 PM

:aswelcomesu:  :youcanheal:  :notalone:  :bighug: if OK


Thank you! Hugs are definitely ok!