Jump to content

Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us at aftersilence.moderators@gmail.com
Guest Message by DevFuse


New And Wanting To Heal

  • Please log in to reply
9 replies to this topic

#1 Abluebell

  • Member
  • 12 posts

Posted 08 January 2015 - 08:18 AM

Hello ALL! 

I've been to group meetings before however, usually no one shows up, so I thought I'd give this a try. I'm a survivor (someday's I still consider myself a victim) of 16 years of sexual abuse. From the time I can remember until I was 16 years my father taught me to be his, "it's safer" he would say. He passed away a couple of years ago and I was there by his side. I told him I forgave him Now, here I am with bouts of depression, where I don't want to leave my couch. I have a closet full of clothes I bought, but only wear what people give me. I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM, because for years I was what he wanted me to be. It's been quite a while since the abuse stopped, but I had to fight for it. I am graduating with my second degree this month and I miss school. I miss having structure, because that is the only way I motivate myself. I am not sure on what to do now.

So hello everyone. I hope you all are having a pleasant morning.  :hi:  AND keeping warm  :cloud9:

#2 reglois



  • Member
  • 8,777 posts

Posted 08 January 2015 - 08:28 AM

:aswelcomesu:  :youcanheal:  :notalone:  :bighug: if OK

#3 Pressword

  • Member
  • 13 posts

Posted 08 January 2015 - 10:11 AM

I'm new too

#4 fallenstar

  • Section Moderator
  • 4,468 posts

Posted 08 January 2015 - 10:18 AM

Hi Abluebell and Pressword. Welcome, the both of you, to After Silence! 

:friends2:  :notalone:  :supportu:

#5 angelic


    Gra, Gaire agus Sonas

  • Newbie Support Team
  • 8,382 posts

Posted 09 January 2015 - 06:33 PM

hello and welcome to After Silence,

my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here, I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, please let me know if you need any help with anything  and I will do my best to help

take care,


#6 Raindancer

  • M. Member
  • 118 posts

Posted 11 January 2015 - 10:26 PM

That hurts when you are appreciated and only counted for what you are to someone elses needs, and especially to someone elses pretty sick needs.  Where did you fit in?  No wonder you have a hard time having a sense of self if you weren't allowed that.  I am sorry that not only were you hurt but that in addition you were kept from being you.  The you there is there you can find there. Though the structure that others impose can help and there is always structure out there, i wonder if maybe it also helps in that the direction your own heart would show you to take.  I hope you find structure that is imposed from within, you and who you are as you heal and grow.   For forgiveness, if you find on some days you do not feel it, please please do not be too hard on yourself. One of the worst ouches i have had is from someone that absolutely insisted they forgave their abuser,  In the denial, so much got displaced.  If you actually have, is all good as hatred is a hurt and burden.  At the same time, if you feel anger at times and even a lack of forgiveness, please be easy on you.  You have had far too many prices already without making yourself pay yet more for having human feelings.  It was many years of hurt.  Please feel no need to rush feelings that benefit another who hurt you so much  ... . For me, there are some I do not hope to forgive.  It is a gift to me.  It can be selfish if i insist on it.  If it is out of line with what was done, that is for them to find.  With you, what was done was way out of line though and whatever feelings come up, i hope you find support and love you need to carry you the best direction through them. 

be safe, find safe

#7 nycgirl

  • Member
  • 655 posts

Posted 11 January 2015 - 11:07 PM

Hi Abluebell 


Welcome to After Silence :aswelcomesu:

I am also relatively new, 

I am sorry to read about the abuse from your father.

Now that he is passed away, you need to work on the present.

Congratulations on getting your second degree.

I also have to agree with you, structure in my daily life is very beneficial to my mental health.

My Depression in the past was so severe that I wanted to end my life.

I HAD suffered Major Depression for years, but today it is easily treated with medication and therapy.

I never thought that I would ever escape from it, but with some new medication, it has helped me dramatically.

I know that you  have probably heard it before, but you may want to seek Professional Mental Health Care.


This Workbook may also be helpful for you.

Action Planning for Prevention and Recovery


This is a very helpful Guide/Workbook.


Guide’s people with mental illness or disability in developing an action

plan for prevention and recovery. Addresses wellness, daily maintenance,
triggers, early warning signs, signs that things are breaking down, and crisis

Thank you for reaching out for Support. :supportu:  :notalone:


Sending you Support, you CAN Heal and Recover :wub:

#8 cmv

  • New Member
  • 8 posts

Posted 12 January 2015 - 05:42 PM

All so helpful, I am new also it has been many years since I was my Uncles victim, I have the trouble of triggers that cause me to relive "flashbacks" the worst is that I tell my mom as a young girl and she did nothing about it, "her own
Fear of what my Dad would do" I tell her I forgive her but I cannot understand her way ???? Anyway thanks to this site maybe I can begin.

#9 reglois



  • Member
  • 8,777 posts

Posted 12 January 2015 - 06:38 PM

CMV    :aswelcomesu:  :youcanheal:  :notalone:  :bighug:  if OK

#10 Augusta

  • Banned
  • 21 posts

Posted 18 February 2015 - 04:53 PM

I just wanted to say I'm new here as well. I'm sorry your father was like that. Unfortunately mine was the same way. I'm looking to connect with others who understand the betrayal.