My best to you in your healing. I am sorry you were hurt so badly. Yes, CSA has huge impact on relationships and our choices in mates. It is like someone putting up all the wrong road signs so we keep going the wrong directions. So when already hurting, we find others who hurt us more and when seeing someone who would be on the right road to travel, we look at the map and think certainly we must be going the wrong way! If your relationships were not so seious, I wonder if the road map took you to a destination of 'not so serious'. Not sure if makes any sense and if so please correct me. Sometimes things were just not going to get to a deeper heart level.
Anxiety, trust issues, insomnia, depression? check , check, check, check! Good to meet ya, have that road map pretty well in place. Know all those destinations pretty darn well. For the times you have felt alone in your pain, know we sympathize so very well. This is after silence. It is okay to look up from that road map and see that a lot of other people had the same map. You are not only not alone, it is a pretty darn crowded place! Some studies show up to 1/4 to 1/3 females and up to 1/6 to 1/4 of males are abused. Did I saw crowded? It is SRO at this point! Some of us are just going to dare to talk about where we are. It is the best way to straighten out the map and get to a better destination.
Home is where the heart is? Welcome home. There is no place that is home without heart. Our heart is our home in so many ways. You are really not alone now. We are all together at this place redrawing our maps together. We are all trying to find where those places are called, sharing, caring, belonging, and love.
It will hurt more at first. Um, sorry if this is a terrible analogy, or even if maybe the best analogy but is pretty yukky. okay, very yukky. Ever have an infected pimple or boil? It keeps hurting and hurting and hurting. It hurts way much if getting the gunk out. Ohhh does that hurt. How does it feel after? So much better. I wish you didn't have to go through the part of getting the poison out. For that part of once the poison is out, i hope you find it safe travels
be gentle with you there