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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

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Guest Message by DevFuse


Not Sure If I Belong Here

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15 replies to this topic

#1 Kirtly

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:53 PM



I've been told I need to talk more (in general), but about some things in particular. And for me typing is a hell of a lot easier than talking, which is why I'm here.


However, I'm having a hard time figuring out if my situation warrants acceptance in a group like this. I was touched inappropriately by a close friend for several years as a teen/young adult, but it never went further than that, and I continued to be friends with him for much longer than I should have. I always pushed him away, but otherwise I just tried to ignore it, especially when there were other people around. I feel extremely guilty for not standing up for myself (clearly I was old enough to) and for not getting him out of my life sooner. Now, I'm in a serious relationship, and my past experiences with this guy have brought up some issues that I didn't even realize were there.


I guess I'll leave it at that for now. Please let me know if you don't think this is the right place for me.

Edited by Kirtly, 18 February 2014 - 08:53 PM.

#2 lucyinthesky

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 09:05 PM

You definitely belong here. And you are not alone.

:aswelcomesu: :candle:

#3 Alastriona

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 09:21 PM

Welcome Kirtly 


Yes,  you do belong here,  and we do welcome you.   I pray that the site will give you perspective on your journey  toward healing from your  past.  We are a wonderful  bunch here and I am sure you will like everyone  as I have come too. 


All the best


Hugs  if you like



#4 lily23


    What Satan intended for evil, God can turn into something good.

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:05 PM


You do not know how much I relate to your experiences and your doubtful feelings of belonging. I was sexually abused by two close friends. I have only recently started calling it that. The main part of their abuse was inappropriate touching or sexual advances. I was also sexually assualted, not sure if it was r***, but I still struggle with over coming it. When I first joined this site I really felt like I did not belong because what I experienced was "not as bad" as what others here had experienced, but what the people here have taught me is that you can't compare your experiences to others. What happened to you hurts and was not right. You deserve to heal from this and you can. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to private message me any time.

Welcome to AS!

Safe hugs, if okay.


#5 Kirtly

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 10:34 PM

Thank you everyone, sincerely.


Lily23, I know exactly what you mean with experiences being "not as bad" as others -- like I'm not allowed to be affected because it could have been so much worse, and I'm just supposed to get over it (and I have tried).


I'm already feeling less alone. Very glad to have found this site. :)

#6 lily23


    What Satan intended for evil, God can turn into something good.

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Posted 18 February 2014 - 11:37 PM

Kirtly, I know what you mean by trying to convince yourself to get over it. I did that for years. It did not get me any where though....
Having a sense of belonging has been very beneficial to me as I hope it will be for you.

#7 chant2012


    I can be FREE!

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 12:51 AM

I am sorry that you have a reason to be here, but since you do, I am glad that you found AS!
I sincerely hope that you find this site as helpful as I have in my healing journey.
You have taken a really big and positive step in your healing by joining AS and I am proud of you!
Feel free to PM if you need to. I will listen.
Welcome again! Safe :hug: if OK.



Much love and support, your friend, Chantel ♥

#8 reglois



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Posted 19 February 2014 - 04:35 AM

:aswelcomesu: :youcanheal: :notalone: :bighug: if OK

#9 Kirtly

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 01:36 PM

Thank you so much everyone. :bighug:

#10 Libay

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 02:01 PM

I agree. You made the effort to come in this Forum and give a brief description of what happned. And you are obviously affected by it. I am new here too and from what I have read, their is so much support here that you will feel welcome and will feel the love

#11 NorskyCourtney


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Posted 19 February 2014 - 02:22 PM

Hey Kirtley,


You definitely belong on this website :)

I'm so sorry for what your "friend" did to you for all those years. It wasn't warranted, and it is absolutely not OK, and it's inexcusable. And like Mindfulmongoose said, we're not responsible for the actions others take, though many of us definitely understand how tough of an aspect that is to truly believe. You can get there, though, and believe it for what it is. I hope you find the support and understanding you're looking for as you start on your AS journey.

#12 angelic


    Gra, Gaire agus Sonas

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Posted 19 February 2014 - 05:08 PM

Hello Kirtly


welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, please let me know if you have any questions,

take care, Paula

#13 hmr4m2

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Posted 04 March 2014 - 09:40 PM

you belong

#14 ~FOUND~


    Anna is found by God!!! Anna loves Jesus!

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 07:34 AM

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.


#15 drowningnotwaving

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Posted 07 March 2014 - 03:14 PM

Welcome  :hi: