Jump to content


Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us at aftersilence.org@gmail.com
Guest Message by DevFuse
 

Photo

Hi, I'm New And Glad To Find You.


  • Please log in to reply
22 replies to this topic

#1 Melli

Melli

    Remember to always laugh with your favorite camel.

  • Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 06:56 PM

Hi,

 

I'm new to the forum but glad to have found you.

 

I think I need some friendship and support, and I would like to offer the same.

 

Some things I've never talked about with anyone, and I guess I'd like to share them before I reach the end of my life here on earth.

 

I changed when I was in the fifth grade. I just changed. I changed the night my stepfather molested me while calling me by my mother's name. I can still remember to this day how I felt, what I thought. I remember my terror, my paralysis. I remember wanting to run, to hide, to scream, to tell someone........but I had no one to tell. My mother worked nights, and she was not the kind of mother you could ever go to with any problem. She would have been the last person I would've told.

 

I begged to go back to my own bed. I guess I thought I'd be "safe" there. But he wouldn't allow me to. So, as he fell asleep, snoring, within about 3 minutes, I laid in bed awake, all night, terrified, sweating, afraid to move one single, solitary muscle for fear that he would wake up and do it all, again.

 

I remember lying there all night, with silent, hot tears running out of the sides of both eyes, and dripping down my cheeks onto the pillow. I remember the fear. The gutwrenching nausea and fear. And the feeling of being trapped.

 

From that moment on, I was never the same. I changed. Everything about me and everything about the world changed that night. In that very moment. In the time it took for him to molest me, I became another person.

 

So, many years have come and gone. I still have a hurting little girl inside of me. Actually, she's pretty terrified of the world, still, and it's been decades.

 

I would not wish on any boy or girl (or man or woman) the type of pain and suffering that comes from being betrayed and molested and abused. I am so sorry that you know that pain. And I am sorry that I have lived with it my entire life.

 

I hope that I at least can be of some support to you, and you to me. I feel so sad, sometimes. I still cry, sometimes. I don't think I will ever truly get over all of the abuse.

 

But that one night remains so crisp, so clear, so vivid, in my memories. It's as if I lived it only yesterday.

 

Thanks for listening.



#2 reglois

reglois

    Reglois

  • Member
  • 2,230 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:02 PM

:aswelcomesu:  :youcanheal:  :notalone:  :bighug:  if OK



#3 Melli

Melli

    Remember to always laugh with your favorite camel.

  • Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:08 PM

Hi, Reglois,

 

Thank you so much for welcoming me!!

 

And thanks for reminding me that I am not alone........ :cloud9:

 

Melli



#4 Melli

Melli

    Remember to always laugh with your favorite camel.

  • Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:11 PM

Oops!...........I think I was only supposed to introduce myself here, and then share on another part of the forum. Forgive me if I was supposed to actually put part of my story on another part of the forum. I'll get the hang of it, I'm sure.



#5 Shotgunchewy

Shotgunchewy
  • Member
  • 15 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:16 PM

Hi Melli,

I'm new also, there's some guide pages.

More forums unlock as you make more posts.

Don't worry, but they might move your post.

Best wishes Nathan

#6 Melli

Melli

    Remember to always laugh with your favorite camel.

  • Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:22 PM

Hi, Nathan! Very glad to meet you! And glad I'm not the only new one, too!

 

Yes, they might move it, and that's perfectly fine. It really was an honest mistake on my part.

 

:hi:



#7 josiel

josiel
  • Member
  • 2,228 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:28 PM

Hi Melli,

 

Don't worry...you'll get the hang of this in no time! (I mean, navigating around this site)

 

Welcome to AS!

 

:aswelcomesu:   :youcanheal:   :supportu:

 

All the best to you on your healing journey,

Glad you found this site!

 

Josie



#8 Melli

Melli

    Remember to always laugh with your favorite camel.

  • Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:30 PM

Thanks, Josiel!

 

Nice to meet you, and thanks for welcoming me!



#9 angelic

angelic

    Gra, Gaire agus Sonas

  • Newbie Support Team
  • 8,120 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 07:34 PM

hello Melli

 

welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if  you need any help please let me know and I will do my best to help

take care, Paula



#10 lucyinthesky

lucyinthesky
  • Member
  • 1,047 posts

Posted 18 February 2014 - 09:07 PM

I am so sorry that happened to you. I definitely can relate, as can many others. :aswelcomesu: :candle:

#11 chant2012

chant2012

    ♥ !Made Whole in His Name! ♥

  • Member
  • 1,253 posts

Posted 19 February 2014 - 12:53 AM

I am sorry that you have a reason to be here, but since you do, I am glad that you found AS!
I sincerely hope that you find this site as helpful as I have in my healing journey.
You have taken a really big and positive step in your healing by joining AS and I am proud of you!
Feel free to PM if you need to. I will listen.
Welcome again! Safe :hug: if OK.

 

 

Much love and support, your friend, Chantel ♥



#12 NorskyCourtney

NorskyCourtney

    With Love

  • Member
  • 820 posts

Posted 19 February 2014 - 12:17 PM

Welcome here, Melli!

 

I'm sorry for the reasons you are here, what's led you to this site today. But, it's a great support, and connecting with other survivors is key, I believe, in being able to continue forward. It helps having people who understand.



#13 reglois

reglois

    Reglois

  • Member
  • 2,230 posts

Posted 19 February 2014 - 12:27 PM

Hi Melli

When you have made 10 posts the 'share your story' is automatically open to you

 

So sorry for what brought you here, talking (well writing it down) has been an enormous help

to me, hope you find the same    :comfort:



#14 Melli

Melli

    Remember to always laugh with your favorite camel.

  • Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 20 February 2014 - 02:23 PM

I am so sorry that happened to you. I definitely can relate, as can many others. :aswelcomesu: :candle:

Thanks, Lucy-ITS.......what you said means a lot. I'm sorry that you can relate.

 

Nice to meet you........ :hi:



#15 Melli

Melli

    Remember to always laugh with your favorite camel.

  • Member
  • 29 posts

Posted 20 February 2014 - 02:24 PM

hello Melli

 

welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if  you need any help please let me know and I will do my best to help

take care, Paula

Thanks, Paula.......I'm finding my way around pretty well.......it's easy because the site seems so well organized. I'm glad to be here, and it's nice to meet you.