Jump to content

Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us at aftersilence.moderators@gmail.com
Guest Message by DevFuse


Hi, I'm New

  • Please log in to reply
13 replies to this topic

#1 Henriette

  • Member
  • 110 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 11:34 AM

I found your group and am looking for support.  I have just ended therapy after 3 years of VERY hard work and some VERY big stumbles.  My therapists and I agreed that I was ready but that I need a safety net.  I'm hoping this place can be a part of that safety net.  Its not the only one.  Both my therapists (EMDR and talk) are available on call, I am in a good place with my meds, I have an AMAZING family and a few close friends who help hold me up.


I've dealt with my past in the sense that I can talk about what happened and know (intellectually) how to assign blame correctly.  That's not to say I don't slip into negative thought patterns.  I still have flashbacks and "floods" of emotions that overwhelm me.  But I do know what I'm feeling when I'm feeling it and WHY I'm feeling it.  I'm no longer dissociating the majority of the time (I never had 'alters' but I would 'go away' whenever possible into bed, the internet, food, driving aimlessly, etc).  I am present.  And being present can be exhausting.


The stage I'm in right now is a place where I'm trying to learn how to live.  I know that sounds silly but I was on autopilot for so many years...functioning but not optimally.  I have yet to hold a professional job for more than 2 years even though I'm very good at what I do (I'm in a little under a year at the current gig and really want to hang in there without feeling trapped and angry).  I have yet to keep my house effectively (I am currently at the 2 month mark of keeping it reasonably clean rather than "shoveling it out" 2 times a year when I need to host my children's birthday parties).  I'm at the point where I cook for my family 3-4 nights per week.  I eat with them 3-4 nights a week.  (The previous pattern was a LOT of take out for them and isolation in my room).  I can tell my husband what I need and enlist his help (he used to just do his own thing, being out of the house 5-6 nights per week) rather than remain silent and let resentment grow.  He's now home most nights and is a FAR more active member of our family.  I know he has my back.  He knows I want him around.  This is a huge improvement.



These are little things but to me they are huge accomplishments.  I'm almost 40 years old and I'd like to function more like an adult woman.  It is a struggle.  It is tiring.  I am looking for people to talk to who understand my situation. 


Thanks for being here.

#2 Alastriona

  • Member
  • 623 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 11:40 AM

Welcome to AS, I hope it will become a good support system as it has for a lot of us.  It does sound that you have made great progress in your healing and your personal relationships.  Many  wishes for you to continue on your path. 

May you enjoy the site and all it has to offer.


Many hugs  :bighug:  if you like. 


Take care of yourself



#3 Henriette

  • Member
  • 110 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 11:53 AM

Thank you.  I don't know why but I'm crying.  This site is very good and very hard all at once.  You know?

#4 drowningnotwaving

  • Member
  • 1,870 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 12:06 PM

Congratulations on making it so far ((Henrietta))  it's good to hear your positivity. This is a good place to find company on your journey.  :wave:

#5 forestmistheather

  • Member
  • 505 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 12:07 PM

Yes, I can understand that.  You really have come a long way, you should be really proud of what you've achieved.


Welcome to AS, and take good care,


Forest x

#6 angelic


    Gra, Gaire agus Sonas

  • Newbie Support Team
  • 8,382 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 06:11 PM

Hello Henriette,


welcome to AfterSilence , my name is Paula, and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help with any aspect of the board, please contact me

take care, Paula :hi: 

#7 321

  • Member
  • 11 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 07:59 PM

Hi Henriette,

welcome. I am new here. I'm still scared to use my real name! Thank you for sharing. What you have accomplished IS a big deal. Even if it sounds silly, it really isn't, and sometimes it's the littlist things that are so hard to re-learn to do. Hope you find solace and support here,



#8 silentg

  • Member
  • 1,465 posts

Posted 29 October 2013 - 10:01 PM

Hi Henriette,

Congratulations on all you have achieved! None of it sounds like small things to me. I find that living a 'normal' life with a family and kids can be a struggle too. I'm in my 40's and just started T this year.  I hope you find your safety net here!!

hugs if ok, G

#9 Henriette

  • Member
  • 110 posts

Posted 31 October 2013 - 08:31 PM

The kindness I'm finding here is wonderful.  Thank you so much!

#10 jellybean93

  • Member
  • 1,726 posts

Posted 31 October 2013 - 09:29 PM


#11 sunshinee

  • Contributing Member
  • 5,303 posts

Posted 02 November 2013 - 11:37 AM

Welcome to Aftersilence. I'm so happy you've made so much progress! It's nice to read about these things. You're doing great, and those achievements are incredible!




#12 Lize4

  • Member
  • 23 posts

Posted 03 November 2013 - 08:25 PM

Those are huge accomplishments and ver inspiring. Welcome to AfterSilence.

#13 ~FOUND~


    Anna is found by God!!! Anna loves Jesus!

  • Member
  • 46,688 posts

Posted 08 March 2014 - 09:36 PM


#14 Henriette

  • Member
  • 110 posts

Posted 13 March 2014 - 08:59 PM