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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us at aftersilence.org@gmail.com
Guest Message by DevFuse
 

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I'm Here.


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9 replies to this topic

#1 NothingHasBeenBroken

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 03:57 AM

I've looked at the welcome section and walked away from the computer a few times, but this is something I need to do for me. I've always been more interested in trying to help other people than help myself. I'm extremely sensitive and empathetic- but I've had a childhood full of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. I was raped as a teenager.
 

I realize I need help and that believing what my parents told me is wrong. They were wrong about me and I need to accept that deep down I was just a little girl who was eager to please. I needed love, help and nurturing.

I sometimes feel toxic and that things are my fault. My rational mind knows that this isn't true, but there is this disgusting pit I feel in my stomach that I think I'll somehow suck the world into? I don't know how crazy this sounds, but all I do is blame myself.... all the time.
 

-K



 



#2 reglois

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 04:09 AM

:sor: you have to be here, :notalone:  :youcanheal:  :aswelcomesu:       if OK  :bighug:



#3 NothingHasBeenBroken

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 05:33 AM

Thank you. reglois. I'm re-reading what I wrote this morning. Being able to say "I'm here." Is important to me. When I was raped, I kept feeling like "I'm not here." and staring at the ceiling. I remember a lot about the ceiling. And my parents instead of taking care of me, blamed me for everything. My father beat me and my mother liked to throw things and remind my sister and I that we were worthless.



#4 jenz1004

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 04:26 PM

I'm sorry to hear what you have been through.  Absolutely none of it was your fault.  Please don't blame yourself.  I'm glad you found this place and I hope you find the support that you need here.

 

:hug: if ok



#5 NothingHasBeenBroken

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 01:47 PM

Thank you jenz1004. I'm glad I found it, too.



#6 angelic

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 03:54 PM

hello NothingHasBeenBroken,

 

welcome to AfterSilence, My name is Paula, one of the newbie support team here. I'm glad you found us too, and I hope you find some peace here. If you need any help with the board, please contact me

take care

Paula :hi: 



#7 NothingHasBeenBroken

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 04:37 PM

Thank you for the warm welcome, Paula. :)



#8 LJC88

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Posted 28 October 2013 - 05:40 AM

You are not alone. That's important to remember. Also, remember that you are the normal one. You were hurt by sick people (your mother and father). You can be the one who breaks the cycle of abuse. Think about how important that alone makes you. Remember that you are a survivor. You won. Feel free to talk to me if you need someone to talk to.



#9 Henriette

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Posted 29 October 2013 - 11:52 AM

I'm new here too.  Welcome.  I have often struggled with feeling not real.  After a LOT of therapy I feel real most of the time but that's hard too. I think we don't want to be here or real because real hurts.  A lot.  Pain is real.  But so is love.  It is hard, so very hard but I have to believe its worth it.  

 

I hope you find what you need.  I hope I do.  I hope we all do.  Much love and good luck.



#10 ~FOUND~

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    Anna is found by God!!! Anna loves Jesus!

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Posted 08 March 2014 - 09:27 PM

Welcome!