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Long Term Affects


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10 replies to this topic

#1 hollow2

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Posted 21 October 2013 - 08:43 PM

Hi

I'm new here, but, not new to being a survivor. I was raped 47 years ago by a cousin that was babysitting me. I was 8 and he was 14. It happened a couple of times before I told my Mom. I had been bleeding for a week. She told me not to say anything because it would ruin the family. My Dad would kill him. They visited often, we were left alone. She knew what would happen. She told me it was my fault.

 

Anyway, my family still doesn't know. I am just realizing that all  of my relationships are strained because I don't know how to react to normal social life. I was married to a physically abusive man for 12 years then a financially and emotionally abusive man for 16 years. I have just realized that my Mom has made me react as if no matter what people do to me, it's okay.

 

The reason I am here is because I don't want to be alone. I know I deserve the happy life I see around me, but, I have no idea how to go about getting it. I don't think I'm obviously different from other people, so, why is it my relationships don't last?

 I thought I had handled it well. Guess I just hid it so well, I fooled myself.

 

Anyone got the answer for this one?

 

 



#2 reglois

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 02:14 AM

:sor: you have to here, :notalone:   :youcanheal:  :aswelcomesu:      if OK  :bighug:



#3 reglois

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 02:15 AM

Hi

I'm new here, but, not new to being a survivor. I was raped 47 years ago by a cousin that was babysitting me. I was 8 and he was 14. It happened a couple of times before I told my Mom. I had been bleeding for a week. She told me not to say anything because it would ruin the family. My Dad would kill him. They visited often, we were left alone. She knew what would happen. She told me it was my fault.

 

Anyway, my family still doesn't know. I am just realizing that all  of my relationships are strained because I don't know how to react to normal social life. I was married to a physically abusive man for 12 years then a financially and emotionally abusive man for 16 years. I have just realized that my Mom has made me react as if no matter what people do to me, it's okay.

 

The reason I am here is because I don't want to be alone. I know I deserve the happy life I see around me, but, I have no idea how to go about getting it. I don't think I'm obviously different from other people, so, why is it my relationships don't last?

 I thought I had handled it well. Guess I just hid it so well, I fooled myself.

 

Anyone got the answer for this one?

  Sorry no answers


Edited by reglois, 28 October 2013 - 04:09 AM.


#4 NothingHasBeenBroken

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 03:50 AM

It can be hard to make sense of it all. I don't think I'll ever make sense of it all. Sometimes it helps me if I think of the younger version of myself as someone else. (sounds weird, but we tend to punish ourselves more than we ever would to someone else)

Think about that little girl as if she wasn't you. The one who was hurt and abused. If she came to you and told you what happened, what would you say to her?
I know what I'd say to her. It's not your fault, it's not what you deserved, and I'm very sorry your mother did not protect you, but I will. You have a voice and you deserve to be heard and loved.
 

I'm glad you're here because your story is similar to mine as far as a parent not providing the protection they were supposed to.

Stay strong. Be heard.

 



#5 ntu

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Posted 22 October 2013 - 06:05 PM

Hello,

 

I'm new, as well. I'm sorry you didn't get the support and justice that you deserved. I wish I could say I was shocked by the response you received. It's a shame that so many have had simliar spoken to them. I've known a few people myself, who knew something was going onbut decided to look the other way.

 

I haven't any idea how to get to where I want to go either but I'm hoping we can all help each other get there. Best of luck to you. 



#6 angelic

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Posted 23 October 2013 - 03:46 PM

hello hollow2,

 

welcome to AfterSilence, I'm Paula, one of the newbie support team here. I'm sorry for what you've been through, I hope being here will help you to make sense of it all. if you need any help getting around the board, please contact me any time

take care, Paula :hi: 



#7 LJC88

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Posted 28 October 2013 - 05:45 AM

It can be hard to make sense of it all. I don't think I'll ever make sense of it all. Sometimes it helps me if I think of the younger version of myself as someone else. (sounds weird, but we tend to punish ourselves more than we ever would to someone else)

Think about that little girl as if she wasn't you. The one who was hurt and abused. If she came to you and told you what happened, what would you say to her?
I know what I'd say to her. It's not your fault, it's not what you deserved, and I'm very sorry your mother did not protect you, but I will. You have a voice and you deserve to be heard and loved.
 

I'm glad you're here because your story is similar to mine as far as a parent not providing the protection they were supposed to.

Stay strong. Be heard.

 

That's very helpful and creative advice.



#8 LJC88

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Posted 28 October 2013 - 05:50 AM

Never look for other people to make you happy. Only you can make yourself happy. I don't know if you're in a relationship or not but if you're not, I would stay away from a relationship and focus on healing and improving. You deserve happiness. Stay strong and be patient. 



#9 barbwire

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Posted 29 October 2013 - 11:20 AM

Hi, I too am new here but was raped 46 yrs ago & thought I'd dealt with it all, apparently I haven't & would so like it to be finally over.



#10 Henriette

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Posted 29 October 2013 - 11:48 AM

Raped 25 years ago and I also come from a family who prefers a pretty picture to an ugly truth and recommends self hatred/self blame as an answer.  Some people simply can NOT accept that this is not a just world and victims DO NOT bring attacks upon themselves.  It was NOT your fault and you are NOT alone.   There is no 8 year old in the world who could handle a sexual assault.  Your mother covered it up and helped perpetuate it when you asked for help  (what every child should do and what every parent should provide).  I'm so so sorry she aided and abetted this crime.  You are worth more than what they did to you.  Much love.



#11 ~FOUND~

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Posted 08 March 2014 - 09:27 PM

Welcome!