I'm new here, but, not new to being a survivor. I was raped 47 years ago by a cousin that was babysitting me. I was 8 and he was 14. It happened a couple of times before I told my Mom. I had been bleeding for a week. She told me not to say anything because it would ruin the family. My Dad would kill him. They visited often, we were left alone. She knew what would happen. She told me it was my fault.
Anyway, my family still doesn't know. I am just realizing that all of my relationships are strained because I don't know how to react to normal social life. I was married to a physically abusive man for 12 years then a financially and emotionally abusive man for 16 years. I have just realized that my Mom has made me react as if no matter what people do to me, it's okay.
The reason I am here is because I don't want to be alone. I know I deserve the happy life I see around me, but, I have no idea how to go about getting it. I don't think I'm obviously different from other people, so, why is it my relationships don't last?
I thought I had handled it well. Guess I just hid it so well, I fooled myself.
Anyone got the answer for this one?