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Welcome to After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors.

Welcome to After Silence, a message board and chat room designed to help survivors communicate in the recovery of rape, sexual abuse, sexual assault, and all types of sexual violence.

After Silence has over 30 different forums, ranging from topics created to discuss specific areas of healing and recovery from rape and sexual violence, as well as forums open to general discussions and lighter topics. Because we value the privacy of our members, most of our forums are private, which means that ONLY REGISTERED members have access to them. Please register for a free account to gain full access to the After Silence Online Support Group.

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Guest Message by DevFuse


Here Because The World Seems Unreal

heartbroken suicide insane extreme trauma safe encourage unreal spirit dramatic

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7 replies to this topic

#1 HereToHealNow

  • New Member
  • 9 posts

Posted 05 October 2013 - 11:55 PM



i have long put off joining a forum, let alone writing a personal intro post - but i truly feel it is the most important step i can take in my life at this moment. it has always been my safe zone to be present for other people in their healing, to encourage them and support them, while i myself hid in secret mounds of pain. 


so i am here to uncover myself and be honest with all who will listen, and am grateful to likewise support the honesty and truths of others :)


i am here because the rest of the world seems unreal to me now. because people who have not experienced this depth of emotion seem estranged from me. because i know there is so much more to the human spirit and heart than most of the people i meet and feel lonely in not being able to share it. this experience of sexual trauma has given me a range of emotions and a scope of philosophy that is so far beyond what the world is used to, i feel almost like i have no place on Earth. most people consider my day to day feelings dramatic and faked, whether extremely high or deeply low - and yet i know they are deeply real. 


it didn't occur to me that i wasn't insane until i started uncovering more of my sexual trauma history and learning that many other survivors of this sort of experience also felt that their rawness, depth of feeling and newfound strength were seen as 'too much' for most average people. 


it's been alienating to feel the real me, but it's been even more alienating to pretend i was someone else, trying to fit in with people who were not compatible with my experiences. it exhausted me so much, i spent half of my life on the verge of suicide, because i was perplexed at the idea of having to 'keep it up.' 


then one day, i was pushed up against the wall, and really felt like either i'd have to choose to curl into a ball and kill myself somehow or find a way to become absolutely who i truly am, in front of the world, unapologetically and unconditionally. 


my joining AS and sharing my feelings here is a key step in this journey. i know that if i can begin by challenging myself to share who i really am with other survivors, then one day i can share who i truly am with anyone and everyone - this is my true dream for myself. 


even my parents can only handle parts of the truth and this has been a deep heartbreak for me. but now i'm finished with heartbroken feelings. and i instead want to channel my energy for empowerment, healing and loving resilience toward people and voices who want to hear what i have to say - not just people who are politely tolerating it. 


i want anyone who feels like me in this way to know that i think -


you are beautiful

you are wonderful

you are perfect

you are powerful

you are loved

you are appreciated

you are celebrated


for your raw, real, truthful self. 


and i thank you for being here with me while i learn to love myself for all of who i really am, even if no one else ever has. 


thank you!




#2 TurtleWhisperer


    *The stars saved my sanity*

  • Member
  • 50 posts

Posted 06 October 2013 - 01:08 AM

Sorry you have to be here, but so glad you've found us! I already love your mindset and I hope you acquire your dreams!  :flowers:



#3 reglois



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  • 8,803 posts

Posted 06 October 2013 - 01:50 AM

:sor:  :notalone:  :youcanheal:

#4 RoniRN


    wounded healer

  • Member
  • 226 posts

Posted 06 October 2013 - 03:26 AM

Wow. I have had similar feelings lately, yet have been unable to articulate it as clearly as you have here. I'm very glad you were able to make the decision to accept and value yourself. I wish you all the best in your healing process. Thank you for sharing your story and kind words. <3

#5 Ancestreel

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  • 26 posts

Posted 06 October 2013 - 05:42 PM

Beautifully versed! You have put into words and described what I am feeling.  I want to know who I am am break free from the pain that binds me from finding myself! Thank you for sharing

#6 Towhomitmayconcern

  • New Member
  • 6 posts

Posted 08 October 2013 - 08:14 AM

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking that

#7 angelic


    Gra, Gaire agus Sonas

  • Newbie Support Team
  • 8,382 posts

Posted 10 October 2013 - 04:31 PM

Hello and welcome to After Silence

My name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you find our board helpful in your healing journey, if you need any help getting around please let me know,

take care, Paula

#8 ~FOUND~


    Anna is found by God!!! Anna loves Jesus!

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  • 46,688 posts

Posted 08 March 2014 - 09:25 PM


Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: heartbroken, suicide, insane, extreme, trauma, safe, encourage, unreal, spirit, dramatic