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Don't Know Sharing Stories Forum Password.. So I'll Share It Here

rape molestation father story

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18 replies to this topic

#1 sickgirl

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 02:01 AM

Hi everyone my name is Lara and I have never told anyone about this before, no one outside my family knows. My father started molesting me when I was 11 years old, he also molested my older half sister before she left the house. The first time he did it I remember I was sleeping and he started sucking on my nipples, I was too frighted to say anything so I just pretends to be asleep. One time he told me "stop pretending you're asleep" so I asked him what he was doing and he said "if you suck hard enough the nipple gets bigger" I told him I didn't want it and he just laughed at me and said "you'll thank me later, cause every girl wants large breasts"  so he did it he sucked my nipples and sure enough they got bigger. he asked me to sit on top of him and dangle my boobs in his mouth cause it would be easier. as i was sitting on top of him he asked me for a kiss, i gave him a peck on the lips but he managed to stick his tough in my mouth,i wanted to vomit. He would also sometimes lick my vagina and stick his fingers in. After that he did it all the time, we would be watching tv and he would grab me and place me on his lap, he would rub and pinch my nipples and stick his fingers in my vagina and lick it up after. My mum would be sitting next to us and she did not say anything. Everytime I try talking to her she don't listen, she said he was just "affectionate" I felt pathetic and hopeless. Then I turned 12 and my breasts got pretty big at this point, he would always grope me in my room, in the shower in the hall anywhere. I would try to get him to stop, but he made it like a game, he would force my hands away and grab them and say "I've got them" and "they're mine" things like that. But that's not all, at night he still kept his ritual of sucking my nipples for hours at a time. He did it so much I started lactating! even though I wasn't pregnant. It leeked in school and cause me embarrassing. I ask him about this and he said he did it on purpose cause he had a breastfeeding fetish that my mother did not like to be part of. When I was about 13 he started raping me, before he just used to put his penis between my breasts and wanks himself like. Then he started forcing me suck his penis, the first time I just cried and vomited. I still remember the day he first raped me in my vagina. It was after school and my mum and half sister were out and he told me to "strip and knee on my bed, facing the wall" before he tied my hands behind me  and putting a gag on my mouth before forcing his penis in my vagina, it was the worst pain I'd ever felt. Then he started forcing my half sister to do things with me. He would have us breastfeed on each other then lick our vaginas or rub them together, afterwards he would always rape us in ever way possible. This would continue until I was 18, and she was 21. When I was 16 I got pregnant with his baby and it seamed to please him and he said "always wanted to impregnate me" I felt so disgusted and tried to commit suicide but just got taken to a mental health centre for teenagers, when I got out I had an abortion, which I do not regret. It finally stopped when he got in trouble with the law because of child pornography was found on his computer. He was always into weird fetishes and spent alot of time on the internet so honestly this was not a surprise to me. Now I have not spoken to him in over a year and I have not had a good relationship with my mum cause she still loves him and goes to visit him. Now I have been diagnosed with server depression and anxiety issues, I feel like vomiting sometimes out of nothing. I am going to move out soon to live with my half sister and her bf soon. I cannot stand living in this house anymore. And I feel more depressed, anxious and disgusted still, I wish I had more support but I don't have any friends I confess to and talking to my half sister is awkward. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest and sorry for my english (I'm dutch.)



#2 reglois

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 03:17 AM

  A problem shared is a problem halved, I have recently talked to my daughter who was also in a bad situation and the relief we have both felt is immeasurable,

I have also just posted the basics here and that has helped, I am finding that writing it down and knowing that people that are reading it understand  is cathartic



#3 Kiralyna

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 03:50 AM

I am so sorry dear that you had to go through something so awful. I can only imagine your pain and struggle.

I don't have many words right now but please know that I read your story and my heart goes out to you.

 

Sitting with you.

Kira



#4 ashleighsland

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 10:36 AM

Sending love and support x



#5 sickgirl

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 02:06 PM

Thank you to all that replied and does anyone know how to get the password to the stories fourm?



#6 reglois

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 03:29 PM

Thank you to all that replied and does anyone know how to get the password to the stories fourm?

  You have to have made 10 posts then entry is automatic



#7 beyondthismoment

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 04:07 PM

Just so you're aware, this forum is public, which means guests can read everything. If you aren't comfortable with that, you can edit the details out and post in the Share your Story forum when you have 10 posts.

#8 angelic

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 05:08 PM

Hello Lara,  Welcome to After Silence, there is nothing wrong with your English so don't apologise for that. I'm Paula, one of the Newbie Support team here, we are here to help new members find their way around the board.  Yes, you need to have 10 posts to gain access to the share your story forum, so you can get  10 quickly by replying to other people here,

You did very well in sharing your story here, and I can only say how sorry I am for all you went through, I truly hope being here will help you to heal from it  all,

 

if you need any help, please contact me ,

take care, Paula :hi: 



#9 funguy

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Posted 02 September 2013 - 09:45 PM

you are an amazing person



#10 xxlivsmumxx

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Posted 05 September 2013 - 03:23 PM

Wow girl, your story is so heart breaking it makes me feel really pathetick about what im moaning about. I feel ashamed that I have let the little things that have happened to me affect my life so enormously, when you have overcome so much. Im so sad for you xxxx  I just don't know what to say, I wish I could give you a huge hug xxx



#11 kungfu

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Posted 05 September 2013 - 04:37 PM

Hi Lara, I'm Ana.

I too was sexually molested when I was little, actually I don't remember ever a time in my childhood that I was not being molested by someone. Unfortunately, them too were all family members, brothers and cousins, males and females so I know how disgusting and sick you feel to your stomach for what appears sometimes no reason at all.

This happened over 20 years ago for me and I still see these people and they act like nothing as ever happened... I think that's what makes me the most angry, its like they think that I don't remember and because its family you cannot go against them...I tried they made me feel like I was making things up and that I was a bad person for saying what happened to me so, I kept quiet after that and have been ever since.

Unfortunately, just because we don't talk about it, it doesn't make it go away, it has been with me ever since and it still is. I am now on medication for anxiety after I had a breakdown and wanted to kill myself.

Your mom, well I'm sorry to say this but, she is as sick as your father as far as I'm concerned, she let it happen and still tried to make excuses for him.

I know its easier said then done but, try not to think of them, what they want from you, how they feel about it etc.. it doesn't matter what they feel, its you that is important, you have a life and you need and deserve to live it as you see is best. You have the right to be happy, your father and mother have done their life how they see fit, his a sick man and she is an obsessed woman and you need to be away from both of them in order to start healing.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT !! Always remember that , always !

Ana



#12 sickgirl

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Posted 09 September 2013 - 06:18 AM

Hello Lara,  Welcome to After Silence, there is nothing wrong with your English so don't apologise for that. I'm Paula, one of the Newbie Support team here, we are here to help new members find their way around the board.  Yes, you need to have 10 posts to gain access to the share your story forum, so you can get  10 quickly by replying to other people here,

You did very well in sharing your story here, and I can only say how sorry I am for all you went through, I truly hope being here will help you to heal from it  all,

 

if you need any help, please contact me ,

take care, Paula :hi: 

Thanks, I can usually speak english well, but some ppl say my writing's kind of off. Thanks for your support, Paula!


Edited by sickgirl, 09 September 2013 - 06:18 AM.


#13 sickgirl

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Posted 09 September 2013 - 06:27 AM

Wow girl, your story is so heart breaking it makes me feel really pathetick about what im moaning about. I feel ashamed that I have let the little things that have happened to me affect my life so enormously, when you have overcome so much. Im so sad for you xxxx  I just don't know what to say, I wish I could give you a huge hug xxx

Don't feel bad, we all get caught up in the little things in life. Trust me, I've done a lot of fucking up in my life (pretty much all the worst ways you could rebel, I'v probably done it.) Hugs to you too!



#14 sickgirl

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Posted 09 September 2013 - 08:49 AM

Hi Lara, I'm Ana.

I too was sexually molested when I was little, actually I don't remember ever a time in my childhood that I was not being molested by someone. Unfortunately, them too were all family members, brothers and cousins, males and females so I know how disgusting and sick you feel to your stomach for what appears sometimes no reason at all.

This happened over 20 years ago for me and I still see these people and they act like nothing as ever happened... I think that's what makes me the most angry, its like they think that I don't remember and because its family you cannot go against them...I tried they made me feel like I was making things up and that I was a bad person for saying what happened to me so, I kept quiet after that and have been ever since.

Unfortunately, just because we don't talk about it, it doesn't make it go away, it has been with me ever since and it still is. I am now on medication for anxiety after I had a breakdown and wanted to kill myself.

Your mom, well I'm sorry to say this but, she is as sick as your father as far as I'm concerned, she let it happen and still tried to make excuses for him.

I know its easier said then done but, try not to think of them, what they want from you, how they feel about it etc.. it doesn't matter what they feel, its you that is important, you have a life and you need and deserve to live it as you see is best. You have the right to be happy, your father and mother have done their life how they see fit, his a sick man and she is an obsessed woman and you need to be away from both of them in order to start healing.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT !! Always remember that , always !

Ana

I'm sorry for what you've had to go through and the fact they don't want to acknowledge what they did. It;s frustrating, but maybe you should not see them anymore. I know I do not see my father anymore and I only talk to my mum on the phone. I know it wasn't my fault, but so many other things were, maybe I did it to take my frustration out but I almost fuck up my life real bad for good. Well, anyway thank you for the kind words, Ana. And I hope your situation is better.



#15 AutumnChild

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Posted 11 September 2013 - 01:55 AM

I agree with a previous comment - reading your heartbreaking story makes me feel like I should get a grip! My experience is nowhere near as awful as yours.
I can only imagine what you've been through but you've been so brave and everyone who has read this post is proud of you for surviving what happened to you. Continue to get well. X x



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