Hi

[chlo]

hi, im new here. I haven't ever really met anyone or spoke to anyone else who has been through something similar. I don't really know what to say, find it hard to start conversations, ask anything you want I find it easier to sometimes answer questions rather than trying to think of what to say on my own, especially at the beginning as I get to know everyone.

[Wishes]

Welcome Chlo!!! Everyone here is super friendly, I hope you'll feel comfy posting and getting to know us!

[chlo]

thanks, it is a little nerve wrecking atm, don't really know what to expect or anything.

[vakry]

Welcome! Take some time getting to know people around here. Read some posts. Learn about people. Discover you are not alone and don't have to go through it alone.

[chlo]

_{its hard cause most the people I have noticed are older than me, feel like im the only one this young, I don't know just what I feel. feel a bit out of place.}

[Coco45]

Welcome Chlo .this is exactly how I felt when I first came on AS, it took me some time to be able to make the first post, but I just began by reading some posts and like vakry said, I became to discover that I wasn't alone and people here are really friendly. You can express yourself and say however you feel, you won't be judged, everyone is here to help so just take your time and get to know people and post whenever your ready to In terms of the age thing, don't worry, I feel this too but over time it won't matter much and not everyone is much older. I saw that your 18 right? I'm 20, so just two years older, so if you ever need someone about your age to talk to if it's more comfortable for you, then feel free to pm anytime

[chlo]

thanks, yeah im 18. I wanna talk about what happened and how I feel, I tried talking to people on an anxiety site, but I found they didn't fully understand, they got the anxiety bit, but not the more confusing stuff, which is more the stuff I need help with. I just never know what to say, how much is too much detail, or not enough. how do you put stuff into words? its still only quite recent it happened and since people found out, but no one so far can really help, not anymore anyway, they've kind of helped as much as they can, but they just don't understand it.although theres loads of people here I feel like im the only one going through stuff that's so personal and embarrassing, I know everyones different and do different things to cope ect, just feel so negative about myself for some of the things that I do.

[angelic]

Hello chlo,

welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula, and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help please let me know and I will do my best to help if I can

take care, Paula

[vakry]

Sorry you're feeling a bit displaced. I understand how you feel perfectly. There are younger members floating around if you are more comfortable around your own age. That is perfectly understandable. However, don't discount the older folks completely. I've found a kinship with members twice my own age. I'm 26 if you're curious. There are those older that have experiences similar to mine or cope the same way I have or still do. So, age really doesn't matter much to me. Everyone that I've come across here at AS has helped me. I hope you find some people you can connect with that would make you feel more comfortable.

You can tell as little or as much as you are comfortable and at your own pace. I recommend using the My Story section or sections with specific types of Sexual Assaults or both! They are more secure places. If you go into detail place up a trigger warning. The words will come to you. It takes time and the words change. There are things I didn't have words for and still discovering new ones even after being here for months! You are heard and understood here. It's one of those things that unfortunately sometimes only other survivors or experienced professionals can really grasp sometimes.

Sexual Assault is personal. I have embarrassment over things about it. Everyone is different and use different coping mechanisms. However, you're not alone. The negatively is normal. We all feel it. I still feel it. I am getting better about it. We are all in various different stages of healing. It takes time. However, it does not have to control you and does not make you who you are. Time. Patience. Work at it. If you don't believe it yet... maybe later you will. You said what happened to you is quite recent so that makes it really hard and fresh. I'm sorry you have to be here.

And more than welcome to PM me anytime if you feel comfortable and want to, if not no worries. Take care of yourself.

[chlo]

I don't mind about talking to older, tbh I think its sometimes less embarrassing talking to people who are older than me, just when I hadn't seen many people my age made me feel a bit more lonely and isolated.

thanks, I have been thinking about doing another thread in one of the other sections to talk about it but thought about maybe reading some others first. thanks for helping.

[NorskyCourtney]

Welcome here, Chloe,

I understand the feelings that come with feeling isolated/lonely in what you're dealing with. My incident happened when I was 19 (I'm turning 24 next month), so when I was just a year older than you - my closest friends (other than two who were slightly older than me) hadn't had anything of the sort occur, so I felt isolated in my feelings of hypervigilence/fear/anxiety when all my friends my age cared about was having fun. My mind went to, "Don't you know what could happen to you? Don't be idiots," and that was my anxiety and envy speaking, that they were somehow carefree and I was burdened with the reality of just how horrendous life can be. Those feelings for me began to dissipate as time helped moved me on, and I began to realize, "Hey, I can have fun. I gotta be cautious, but I can have fun. I'm not a total freak." I've got a ways to go on my healing journey, but I can guarantee you you're not alone at all with the confusing emotions and questions you've got.

Hugs, if OK. You're doing a great thing by seeking out others who understand at this phase of healing, as it will benefit you greatly as you continue on. I hadn't sought help or a place to relate to others after what happened to me, so props to you for beginning now.

[chlo]

yeah, sounds exactly how I feel, stopped going out at first, now I can go out but still have to be someone. I just completely isolated myself after, still do but not completely anymore, still don't speak to friends, don't even know if were friends anymore everything happened so quick. we don't talk but when I see pictures and stuff of fb I really miss how I use to be, miss them, miss being normal and having a normal life.

[~FOUND~]

Welcome!