New Survivor

[Guest survivin13]

Well its been 20 months since my 2nd rape and finally the sentencing has come down on one of my attackers. The other was set free and is back in "business" roaming the streets picking out his next prey. The one that was found guilty has been sentenced to 1 yr state prison followed by 2 yrs in a halfway house and has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

With this hearing, just like the rest (prelim, trial, appeals, etc.), I keep thinking "Ok as soon as this is done, then its gonna be over." I wish it were that simple. With every hearing, all those emotions, sleeplessness and flashbacks come rushing back like it were yesterday. The anger is alot worse this time. I dunno if I'm angry that he didn't get the full sentence and that it seems like 1 yr punishment is nothing compared to what I've faced. But then I try to psych myself out and think 365 days of waking up everyday in a horrible, yuky place behind bars with no choices, no family, no friends, no love at all, and always being afraid-sounds like good punishment to me. I guess I'll just never know how all this has effected him, if he has learned anything, if he will change, if he'll do it again, if if if if. This whole ordeal is just a bunch of dang "if"s!!!! Maybe one day I will visit him while I'm still safe away from him and see what he has to say. I couldn't stay in the courtroom when he testified and my family either puked or got kicked out trying to approach him, so I have no clue what he had to say, I just know from the DA that it wasn't nice and he was very cocky. Imagine that! I hate these men. I hate what they have done to me, what they have caused, how they changed me. But I refuse to let them have that power and that control anymore. Its hard, its a tough fight and alot of it is in my mind and I have to overcome it. You'd think literally being an ocean apart I'd feel safe and be able to live, but it doesn't make it any easier. That fear is imbedded in you and it never leaves.

[Donna]

((((Survivin13))))

Your very brave to be doing what you are honey, always keep that in mind. Welcome to AS, please post as much as you'd like and know you are not alone.

(((Hugs)))

Donna =)

[Heavensent]

Survivin13,

You are very brave, and you've gone through a lot. We are all here for you. This is a good place to be. Take care of yourself. Have you considered Therapy?

[Charlene]

welcome and hugs, for being sooo brave

[-Nicole-]

Welcome to AS, I hope you will find lots of support here. We know what you are feeling, you are not alone. I think you are very brave dealing with the trial, that must be very hard. I hate how short the sentences generally are for rapists

We are here for you.

Hugs,

Nicole

[Survivors sanctuary]

Welcome to AS, I hope that this place can help on your healing journey.

[Jill]

Dear Survivin13,

Welcome to AS! OMG....I can so feel what you are going through right now. My trial ended 3 weeks ago yesterday. I am only lucky that my a**acker is not a US citizen and is dealing with immigration right now.

I am so very proud of you. I know how difficult and unfair the judicial process is. I wasn't allowed to be in the courtroom either. That week was almost as hard for me as the week following my a**ack. You are so brave! And you did an awesome thing!!! I'm glad to hear that at least one of your a**ackers will be serving time and is registered as an offender. Hopefully their experience over this past year will be enough to make them both think about what they've done. My a**acker got a misdemeanor domestic battery conviction and time served of 364 days! For what he did, he should have gotton 34 years. Just remember...You did the right thing...and I hope that can give you some comfort!!! It took great strength and courage and I honor you for that! I'm also glad you found this site. The people here are very loving, supportive and inspiring. Welcome on board! ~Jill

[Catherine]

(((((( Safe Gentle HUgs )))))))

Welcome to the group Survivin13. like everyone has said already, you have been very courageous.

Take Gentle Care of YOU.

Safe Hugs Catherine

[Guest lost]

Welcome,

I think you are very brave and yes the system sucks! But good for you. You got through it and I hope you find as much comfort here as I have.

Kathy