The Inner Child Thread

[Jacqui]

My inner child's about 8 years old, maybe a bit older. She varies according to my mood.

Today she's 8, and it the sweetest, cutest blonde thing imagineable. She's happy and playful, just like a kitten.

I tell her to keep it up, and give her some more chocolate.

[Cat2005]

I have come across this thread before but have never dare post a reply. I have always ignored my inner child even though she always tried to contact me. Everytime i self -harmed i knew it was her that was trying to surface but i wouldn't let her - i kept pushing her further down. However when i did work experience with the special needs children she wouldn't rest and she cried and cried. She cried and i couldn't explain to the people why i was in such a state. I blew bubbles for the children and played with the toys and my inner child was argumentative. Inner child: You play with the toys with those children and don't get angry, why are you angry at me? What did i do wrong? I didn't answer her question i just pushed her away and then she seemed to go away for a while.

However, she returned yesterday and this time i had to answer her question. I told her why i was so disgusted in her. i am working so hard to try and make friends with her but at the moment i hate her. I HATE HER!!!!

[MiseryOnlyWhispers]

hugs hugs hugs @ cat

[Horses4Healing]

Removed

Edited May 8, 2006 by Horses4Healing

[Cat2005]

Thanks both of you Although i spent most of work experience holding back the tears i think it really helped me cuz i was put in a situation where i was forced to acknowledge that she was there.

[Horses4Healing]

Thanks both of you Although i spent most of work experience holding back the tears i think it really helped me cuz i was put in a situation where i was forced to acknowledge that she was there.

I'm so glad that you found that part of you. You okay?

Edited January 3, 2006 by Horses4Healing

[Cat2005]

Thanks for your reply Horses4Healing I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment but for once in my life i think i can see a way through this. I think i was trying to cope with too much before but now i realise i have got to be patient and take small steps before i leap. Hope your ok too.

[Horses4Healing]

Thanks for your reply Horses4Healing I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment but for once in my life i think i can see a way through this. I think i was trying to cope with too much before but now i realise i have got to be patient and take small steps before i leap. Hope your ok too.

Thank you too. It was probably the most honest, emotional thing I've ever let out. Time for healing?

Edited January 4, 2006 by Horses4Healing

[Horses4Healing]

We're heading to the post " Feeling Really Low" to band together in exercise and healthy eating. C'mon over...

Ashleigh

[MiseryOnlyWhispers]

shes been angry at me for 29 years...she hates me and she wont respond to me...well i suppose her stare is a response but its the only response ive ever gotten from her...im reaching the end of my rope and im scared to death...im really very sorry to her and i hate being mean...but i need some sort of response...i fear shes already dead...she wasnt supposed to leave me here

Why

To the little girl inside of me

Why do you see me so

The angry look inside your eyes

Chills me to my bone

Your stare paralyses me

I cant speak or move

I wish that I could rescue you

Cant you tell me what to do

I try and try to talk to you

But your harsh looks choke my words

Can you see im scared of you as you are scared of me

Its been so many long years now

This progress is so slow

Should we stay or should we go

Right now I just don’t know

Will you make a pact with me

In death we still wont part

If we leave this world together can we mend our heart

I know your angry

Im sorry

I had no clue

I didn’t know what I should do

There are no excuses

Forgive me if you would

Just talk to me say something please

I cant take this anymore

Your words will hurt far more then your silence ever has

you’ve stored them now for 29 years

And never shed a tear

How many words do you have for me

How have they festered there

Im scared to death of what you’ll say

Though I wont blame you a bit

If you would rather I just leave and die

Id understand that’s it

Im out of here if you wont talk

I don’t need this sh*t

Ill die I swear and leave you here

To live in pain once more

I wont come back don’t look for me

So stay here I don’t care

Please do something

f*cking react

Stop your stupid staring

It gets us no where

One day ill step back in this room

And rescue you I promise

But when I do please look away

don’t stop me with your stare

For I dont know if ill ever have the courage to come back here

[Horses4Healing]

shes been angry at me for 29 years...she hates me and she wont respond to me...well i suppose her stare is a response but its the only response ive ever gotten from her...im reaching the end of my rope and im scared to death...im really very sorry to her and i hate being mean...but i need some sort of response...i fear shes already dead...she wasnt supposed to leave me here

Why

To the little girl inside of me

Why do you see me so

The angry look inside your eyes

Chills me to my bone

Your stare paralyses me

I cant speak or move

I wish that I could rescue you

Cant you tell me what to do

I try and try to talk to you

But your harsh looks choke my words

Can you see im scared of you as you are scared of me

Its been so many long years now

This progress is so slow

Should we stay or should we go

Right now I just don’t know

Will you make a pact with me

In death we still wont part

If we leave this world together can we mend our heart

I know your angry

Im sorry

I had no clue

I didn’t know what I should do

There are no excuses

Forgive me if you would

Just talk to me say something please

I cant take this anymore

Your words will hurt far more then your silence ever has

you’ve stored them now for 29 years

And never shed a tear

How many words do you have for me

How have they festered there

Im scared to death of what you’ll say

Though I wont blame you a bit

If you would rather I just leave and die

Id understand that’s it

Im out of here if you wont talk

I don’t need this sh*t

Ill die I swear and leave you here

To live in pain once more

I wont come back don’t look for me

So stay here I don’t care

Please do something

f*cking react

Stop your stupid staring

It gets us no where

One day ill step back in this room

And rescue you I promise

But when I do please look away

don’t stop me with your stare

For I dont know if ill ever have the courage to come back here

Amen. Very well said.

[MiseryOnlyWhispers]

if she is me and i was her then why do we seem so different yet exactly the same? i feel like i know her but then again i musnt know her at all

when i was 3 or 4 i learned to disappear...i feel like i left her there...shes stuck on the day that i left her(every clear picture in my head between the ages of 3 and 7 im sitting on a dirty dryer or standing in front of it in a very disgusting garage...and one when i was standing in front of a tree but i think that might be because ive seen a picture of that)...i had to though i was too weak to get out...she hates me for that...cant she understand...it feels like i left and she had to deal with everything..but being we are the same person im dealing with it all too

AM I FLIPPING F*ING CRAZY???????

[Aks]

Is your 'inner child' always the same sex as yourself?

[MiseryOnlyWhispers]

yes she is always me exactly...in fact i have such a real picture of her in my head its not even a picture...its like reality...it feels exactly like it did back then only its today and im seeing myself...looking breathing frightened sad then she silently stares at me and she so so angry...shes never once talked to me and i cant talk to her...but when her glassy hazel eyes look my way they look so clear and empty i can see her soul and its filled with hellish anger

[MelissaBlue]

we are working more with little mel in counselling and she doesn't like it much. she is getting asked about the painful and scary things and she doesn't speak she just cries. i am going to try writing to her in my journal to see how she feels about it, because she seems to want to talk but doesn't know what to say

hey little mel.. it's ok.. it's ok that ur scared, i'm much bigger than you and i am very very scared. we don't know if stuff has happened to you and we are trying to find out. help us, help us so we can help you make it better. we can't make it better if you don't tell us. we have our little teddy brodie right here, look, and our doggy, they are very safe things around us that can help you to talk. if you don't want to talk, we can wait because we love you very much, and we won't pressure you to do anything that you aren't ready for. but sharon and i will be here when you do want to come out. tomorrow i promise we will watch cartoons before i go to work and we will go and visit grandma and eat the carrot cake with lemon icing you really really like.

i love you honey.

[MiseryOnlyWhispers]

i searched the world over to find a picture...my parents seem to have lost most of them...i have an exact image of me in my head...i feel like its the exact moment when my world was abruptly stolen...when i have dreams or visions or flashbacks i always seem to see myself in this exact moment even though my abuse took place over a period of years...what makes me sad is that i know its the exact moment when i left a lil girl behind to deal with everything on her own...she was lonely-petrefied-sad...and when i left her ANGRY...but i did it...i left her right there to fend for herself...it feels like shes stuck there and i dont know how to rescue her...but i know this...im on some sort of path now thats leading me back to her...im going to get her out of there and WE ARE GOING TO LIVE...

i wrote the following poem a couple months ago...my emotions were quite high as i wrote and i posted it here the same day...i have since then made a few changes and posted it else where...im adding the pic that is now my avitar just incase i decide to change my avitar...this is the little girl in my poem...its her...always her

WHY

To the little girl inside of me

Why do you see me so

The angry look inside your eyes

Chills me to my bone

Your stare paralyses me

I cant speak or move

I wish that I could rescue you

Cant you tell me what to do

I try and try to talk to you

But your harsh looks choke my words

Can you see I’m scared of, you as you are scared of me

Its been so many years now

This progress is so slow

Should we stay or should we go

Right now I just don’t know

Will you make a pact with me

In death we still wont part

If we leave this world together, can we mend our heart

I know your angry, for that I’m sorry

I didn’t know what I should do

There are no excuses

Forgive me if you would

Just talk to me say something please

I cant take this, its not good

Your words will hurt far more then your silence ever has

you’ve stored them now for many years

And never shed any tears

How many words do you have for me

How have they festered there

I’m scared to death of what you’ll say

Though I wont blame you a bit

If you would rather I just leave and die

Id understand that’s it

I’m out of here if you wont talk

I don’t need this sh*t

Ill die I swear and leave you here

To live in pain once more

I wont come back don’t look for me

So stay here I don’t care

Please do something

f*cking react

Stop your stupid staring

It gets us no where

One day ill step back in this room

And rescue you I promise

But when I do please look away

don’t stop me with your stare

For I don’t know if ill ever have the courage to come back here

MiserOnlyWhispers

[dodo]

Whispers I wish I could wite to my inner child as you have. In my early 20s I threw every photo of myself away. I didn't remember doing it until a couple of years ago. When my mother died I had to clear the whole house out so that it could be sold. There were hundreds of photos - going back so many years, but not a single photo of myself. I regret that now.

Karen

[0stara]

sweet princess of the dawn,

what happened?

where did you go?

inside of me so deep

i can't find you

unless you kick and scream

and then you won't let me hold you

because you're not the princess of the dawn

anymore,

you're the one born on christmas who wasn't

and what can i say to her?

she won't listen

she can't listen

sweet princess of the dawn

let me hold you

let me take care of you,

all of you

all of me

thanks for this thread. it's exactly what i needed today.

0stara

[0stara]

i posted and then went back to read the thread from the beginning and i didn't get too far because it jsut made me start crying because it was so sad and beautiful and bittersweet. but it's exactly what i need right now. you're all so wonderful for putting yourselves and your vulnerable inner selves out there. and it really is sad, and beautiful and bittersweet all at once.

0stara

[jaded_chaos]

My inner child is shy. She's also very afriad, of everyone. She's the one who convinces me a lot of days to stay inside. She has me turn down my friend's when they invite me places, cause they might betray me. She's always looking out for me, maybe too much. Especially when I should be looking out for her. She trusts very few people.

She used to be very carefree and loving. She trusted everyone with her innocent naiveness and always thought the very best of people. She now seems to be stuck at 13 years old. When the pain began and all the trust faded. Although sometimes she'll revert back to being 3, so then she can cry about what happened then. She loves to dance in the rain and sing, singing is her most favorite thing to do. She still dreams of being a famous singer. Adult me stopped singing long ago. I just don't have the heart to anymore. It hurts to much to feel pleasure.

Today my inner child is feeling mostly okay. She's angry, but she's angry everyday. I have yet to figure out how to work out that anger. Sometimes I'm mean to her, I want her to go away and leave me alone. Sometimes she does, but she always comes back.

My relationship with her is kind of strained. I hate her. I blame her for where I am right now. Its her fault for everything that happened, she did everything wrong. Although I hate her, I still miss her.

I love her and I just want her to be free again.

[Stacy]

My inner child wants her mom. That's pretty much all she can think.

Not that my mom could ever be anything I need, it's just amazing to me how that doesn't stop the wanting her.

[MiseryOnlyWhispers]

shes still trapped...i wish shed come to me so we can relive moments in time like kelli clarkson in that video

[dodo]

i think mine is finally trying to show herself and it is scary as heck

[Haullie]

Raise your hand if you still sleep with a TEDDY BEAR!!!

*raises hand!!!* EVERY NIGHT! And I'm proud of it! My inner child can finally get some sleep ;) teehee!

[CJ]

At the min i dont seem able to be with my inner child. I feel im maturing as im getting closer to being healed and right now my inner child is irritating me, i dunno why