A First Time Poster

[TooMuchTooMuch]

Hi everyone,

I joined a long time back, but have only today posted for the first time. I needed support as so much has been stirred up for me lately, and this seemed like a place where I might find it.

A few days ago, a relationship of 4 years I was in ended. It was not a nice relationship. He was abusive, and I was addicted. I am now trying to deal with many conflicting emotions ranging from hatred towards him, and anger at myself for staying for so long, and fear that I'll never see him again, and anxiety over needing my 'fix' of him.

I guess that's the real reason I am here. That, and to acknowledge, to myself by joining and by posting, that it was indeed an abusive relationship, and that it is not my first, and that in fact through out my life I have been abused in more than one way, by more than one man. I often feel as though I am making a fuss, and overreacting, and so do not use words such as 'abuse', that word should be saved for other people who have been through worse than I... But I think that that is just a way of protecting myself, by dismissing the significance of these events and the impact they have had on me.

So here I am. Trying to, no, wanting to take myself seriously.

[NorskyCourtney]

Welcome here,

I'm very proud of you for ending a relationship you acknowledged and knew was abusive. I'm sorry, too, that you endured it, and more than one type of abuse from more than one person throughout your lifetime. As you said, downplaying abuse tends to be a way of making us not acknowledge that we actually are hurt, that it actually was abusive and horrid; but once acknowledged and with the right support along your healing journey, the gravity of what truly happened will be able to sink in, and patterns can change. You can move on, and you can be happy. It's been figured out by, not just me, but many other people who have been where you are currently. If you ever need a support, feel free to PM me.

Best wishes as you go along! Supporting you along the way.

[drowningnotwaving]

Welcome (™) congratulations on your first post and also having the courage to look out for yourself and acknowledge your relationship was harmful. It's the first step to a new life, one you deserve. Good luck on your journey.

[TooMuchTooMuch]

Thank you NorskyCourtney and drowingnotwaving, those messages mean a lot.

[reglois]

if OK

[Kareakbears]

Welcome!

[angelic]

HI TooMuch TooMuch,

welcome to After Silence, well done for posting and sharing some of your story with us. My name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay. If you need any assistance with the board, please contact me and I will do my best to help if I can

take care,Paula

[Missklives]

Hi everyone

this is my first time posting on the site. I have been having a really rough time dealing with my rape that happened about five years ago. I was scared to death to talk about it to anyone until last year. I am in therapy for it but it was recommended to me to try to find a support group online or in person to help try to talk about how I feel now and how to succeed with rest my life.

I am a male to female transsexual. I am still scared to death to talk about it but I know it's healthy to do it people can give me some suggestions on how to help deal with the flashbacks and the reoccurring thoughts about it it be great hopefully I can get a lot out of this website and meet some new people that have gone through some of the stuff that I have to.

[fryguy]

welcome Missklives...i hope you find answers here

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.
Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found