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Coming To Terms After A Year


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For the sake of anonymity, I'm going by my middle name on here, Bernadette (my first name is really unique and recognisable by people who know me).

I am sixteen years old now, and just in the past few weeks I've been forced to come to terms with the fact that a year ago, I was repeatedly raped by a nineteen-year-old guy.

It's been really difficult for me, especially now, all the thoughts that I'd been pushing back for a year are suddenly hitting me, and I'm struggling not to fall apart. My parents (after my priest finally insisted I really needed to tell them) have been somewhat supportive, but I just can't seem to talk with them without crying, and my priest is really sincere, and I know he cares about me a lot, but the fact is, he just doesn't understand on the level that someone who's been through something similar could.

I still feel very conflicted, and have a lot of self-blame because I let it happen multiple times, and I just...really need a place where I can talk to other people who might understand better.

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Hi Bernadette,

Welcome to After Silence. :aswelcomesu:

I want to commend you for reaching out for support here.

You are a very valuable and important person, and deserve to live happy.

You are correct when you stated that your priest is sincere, but he just doesn't understand on the level that someone who's been through something similar could.

Most people, including clergy cannot relate well to SA, unless they have personally experienced it them selves.

I am sorry that you were raped

I am happy that your parents are at least somewhat supportive.

Please DO NOT feel bad that "I just can't seem to talk with them without crying".

When I was going for therapy myself, all I would do when I tried to talk with my therapist was cry and freeze and shake my body out of fear from re-living the trauma.

Many times I would write down what I wanted to tell my therapist, and give it to them, because I could not speak without crying.

Over time, and repeat visits, it became easier for me to speak about my trauma without crying.

"I still feel very conflicted, and have a lot of self-blame because I let it happen multiple times"

The victim or survivor should not blame themselves as it was NOT your fault.

You were also only 16, and your rapist was 19.

Please try and NOT blame yourself.

Please continue posting messages about how you feel, so we can assist you :)
We ALL understand how you fell, and want to help you as best we can.

Sending you Support :notalone: :supportu: :youcanheal: :bighug: If OK

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Welcome Bernadette,

I am so sorry for the trauma that you have suffered. The only blame should go to the person who hurt and betrayed you. You did not deserve this. It is hard trying to push these ugly memories back, but the do come out eventually. Give yourself a lot of credit for seeking out others like you. You will find many people here who are very supportive and yes, we do understand. Healing is possible and you are not alone.

Mary

:supportu:

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Hey!!! Welcome!!! You have definitely joined the right group. We all try our best to be as supportive as possible, and you are never alone here!!

It's a great place to find comfort, and to be able to talk to people who can relate.

I look forward to a message from you if you ever want to chat :)

Terra

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Hey!!! Welcome!!! You have definitely joined the right group. We all try our best to be as supportive as possible, and you are never alone here!!

It's a great place to find comfort, and to be able to talk to people who can relate.

I look forward to a message from you if you ever want to chat :)

Terra

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Hello Bernadette,

welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the Newbie support team
here, I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any
help with anything, please let me or one of the team know and we will do our
best to help if we can

take care, Paula





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  • 2 weeks later...

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