Helping Survivors Who Are In Danger

[Vera]

This community is open to all survivors who are eighteen (18) years of age and older, including survivors who are still living through abuse and violence. In fact, we do hope that they will find the strength and support they need here and that hopefully our support will help them break free from the abuse - - which may mean pressing charges, leaving an abusive environment, etc.

To hear the story of a survivor who is currently being abused is especially heartbreaking. It is our natural instinct to wish to help and make the abuse stop. Unfortunately, we have to realize that when the person who is being abused is legally an adult, all we can offer is support and advice. We are physically and legally unable to make the abuse stop.

Often moderators are contacted by concerned members who wish to help fellow survivors who are being abused. Members experience helpless feelings and turn to moderators for advice. The fact that those members care enough and want to take action speaks of their humanity, and it is admirable. However, moderators share the same helpless feelings that members do. Moderators can't notify law enforcement when the person being abused is at least 18 years of age. The law says that legally adult individuals are old enough to take care of themselves, and that if they want something to be done they have to make it happen themselves. It is VERY difficult to get law enforcement to acknowledge a claim of abuse made by a third party, even when the victim is a minor.

When a violent crime is committed against an adult, the adult has the choice to report the crime or not. It is your right to make the decision. Survivors of sexual violence are not obligated to press charges. While it is advisable to press charges whenever a crime is committed against you, the law does not force you to do so. For the same principle, we can't press charges or report a crime to the authorities when the victim of the crime is an adult and thus by law capable of pressing charges, and or reporting the crime herself or himself. This does not mean that we don't care, but simply that we don't have any authority over another person.

Survivors should not be forced to report a crime against their will. If you do choose to report a crime committed against another survivor, you are also taking upon yourself the responsibility of deciding for themselves. 

Moderators have gone out of their way several times in the past to help underage members, when underaged members were permitted in the community. It was very difficult to get authorities to take our complaints seriously, despite the age of the abused minor. This is not to say that law enforcement agencies don't care, but that a complaint made by someone who has read a post or PM on a message board is hardly considered of any importance. 

We've also had an instant that a member befriended another member that was in a domestic abusive relationship. The two members shared enough information as to where the first member knew the other member's real name and exact location. When fearing for the friend, the first member contacted authorities without their friend's knowledge or agreement. Although the first member meant well, this caused additional problems for the friend, who was not ready to report abuse to anyone, let alone the authorities.

Taking the choice out of another survivor's hands can and often times does cause added complications and risks of additional abuses to the one you may think you are helping.  

Please understand that the fact moderators can't step in and contact law enforcement does not mean that they don't care, but simply that they have no grounds to report a crime on behalf of someone else.

We also ask each member think twice about making choices for another member. Good intentions will not always lead to good results. Many times the results can even be far more devastating than you know. 

After Silence Moderators