Hi To Everyone I Am New

[Memememe]

Hi! I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by my father as well as one of my brothers. My syblings and I were beat with belts, switches, straps, shoes and hands mostly by my mother. My father physically fought with several of my brothers to the point that there were holes in the walls, police called and blood spilled on the floor. I was (still am) over weight and was picked on, teased, hit, put down, and told I was ugly by most of my syblings for the majority of my life. I was pretty much a loaner and stopped my emotions and told my self that things could be worse. I graduated from HS at 17 and moved out immediately there after. 3 years after that I left the state. 5 years later, I married a verbally abusive man. Then I was diagnosed with Lupus and breast cancer in both of my breast. The verbal abuse escalated. And so presently I am on anxiety and depression medications. I am seeing a psychologist so that I can figure out how to leave him and get in touch with Myself (hence the name Memememe). My psychologist suggested that I join a local support group. I looked in my area and could not find one that I felt addressed my issues. My psychologist said that this is a defense mechanism that I have developed. I have shut off my feelings. I cant cry, i feel sorry for those who have abused me, I dont feel that I am deserving of things. I am a perfect target for abuse. So I searched for help and found After Silence. I want to be better and I feel that joining this group is a good beginning. Thanks in advance for reading this and your support.

[reglois]

you have to be here if OK

I had a physically and verbally abusive father then I was married to a verbally, mentally, physically and sexually abusive man for 45 years, please, please find the strength, that I never had and my kids suffered, he died, You are worthy of kindness and everything good in the world, believe in yourself no matter what he says, you can do this, you can cope on your own, it is hard but SO worth it, they (the abusers) are not worth one ounce of sympathy or respect, they didn't give it so why should they receive. Be kind to yourself

Edited November 16, 2013 by reglois

[ActivistAlly]

I'm sorry to hear you have been through all of those terrible things - the crimes that were committed against you. You did not deserve all that. You were not to blame and it was not your fault.

I hope you'll find some of the caring, kind support that you deserve here on AS.

Welcome,

Activist Ally

[angelic]

Hello Memememe,

Welcome to After Silence, that's a powerful username you have! My name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. If you need any help with the board, please let me know and I will help if I can

take care, Paula

[Memememe]

Hi all! Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I really didn't think that it would make a difference whether I would get comments or not, but it does. I was very anxious about comming back because i thought no one would respond and I didn't to get hurt. It would have been confirmed what I thought whichs that no one cared about me and that I am alone. I am very excited about getting better and stronger. I look forward to knowing what happiness and peacefulness feels like in my next 50 years. I also hope that I can be as helpful and encouraging to you all and others.

From my heart

[Stephenjames]

Hi there,

Sorry for what you have been though. Hope you find your way to a safer and better place.

Welcome to AS

Take care

Placebo.

[Smuuthie]

I am a husband of an amazing wife who after approximately 30yrs has come out that she was sexually abused by her so called Uncle of whom is still living in our town probably loving his life while we deal with the emotional

pain and relationship changes for the rest of our lives.

We have with held this information from most family members on her side due to the affects it may have as it goes down the line, it was my wifes aunts husband that had committed this horrible act to her when she was roughly

10yrs old and unfortunately it was more than once, he threatened her of course therefore she told no one.

It has come to the point now that she cannot hold it in from her mother (if you want to call her that) anymore and feels she needs to tell her, BUT we feel we need to tell our 3 children first and they are ages 9 (daughter), 12 (son) and 16 (son), how in gods name do you tell your amazing kids that are on a great path in life that someone had so brutally taken advantage of their loving mother at such a young age? We

are so worried that this news may change the path that they are on at some point.

Please any comments welcome and we appreciate them in advance.

We truly hope that everyone can find peace in love and life and our thoughts are with you all.

Mark

[Memememe]

Hello Mark,

You sound like a great husband who loves his wife dearly and I also sense some anger with other family member (her mother) as well. I told my husband when I realized that I was committed to him. I wanted to be honest and for him to understand the relationship I had with my siblings and parents. Well, I have yet to live it down and it becomes the cause and effect of alk the arguements and disagreements that we have and have had. It is a hard decision for your wife to come to the conclusion that she needed to tell you about the ahuse. I applaud her strength.

I would suggest that you seek counselling before you tell your children. Maybe now is not the right time for the 9 year old to know and maybe it is the right time for ur oldest. Also the counselor can help to explain what would be appropriate to say for each age group. I told my son when he was 16 because (1) my husband kept threatening to tell him in a very negative way, (2) because I do sometimes get down (depressed) and he needs to understand it, and (3) my son started asking me what his father said when we were arguing (he sometimes said I liked what my dad did to me).

I dont think it will change the path they are on. Child abuse is taught in high school so they have some understanding. My son was understanding and sympathetic and has become protective and supportive. Please seek help for everyone's sake.

Good luck

[Smuuthie]

Hell Memememe,

I thank you for your thoughts and they make a lot of sense, I was not 100% that the younger kids didn't need to know right now BUT definitely the oldest because things as you know have been very stressful at times with arguments and a lot of unhappy faces at times....we are trying real hard to keep a good attitude but it does catch up to you eventually and it all has to come out.

My wife has mentioned it to her counselor and has given us some ideas but really wanted some input from members that have gone through it...and I thank you.

Another concern is now my wife wants to let her mother know what happened because it is eating her alive not telling her and trying to act like everything is okay, I am really afraid of this happening because her mother may go and tell her sister (wifes Aunt) who will then tell her husband (evil man) of whom will just deny it and will know that my wife has started to remember what happened and try to get every one on his side, this will probably destroy my wife if it happens in that fashion. Any thoughts?

Thanks again for your words and I pray you find peace.

Mark

[trauma6685]

Welcome to the site.

[NorskyCourtney]

Welcome here, Memememe!

I'm sorry for the circumstances that led you here, but it's good to find a group of people with an understanding of what you're dealing with. I found that joining this online forum has been helpful for me as I continue on my journey to healing because I'm not alone, and people understand. And neither are you. Prayers and hugs, if OK.

[~FOUND~]

Welcome!