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Dark Days


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Tomorrow is the second anniversary of my assault. I am desperate because I feel much worse about it now than I did a year ago. Why aren't I feeling better? Shouldn't every day that passes help me gain some emotional distance?

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Banished,

You wish that there were some structured plan on healing goes, right? I know that I do. It happens. You react. It gets easier. It fads with time. Unfortunately, it doesn't always happen that way.

Healing can happen, but sometimes it can be a roller-coaster ride, which none of us like too much. I am sorry that it feels worse now than a year ago, but there will be days that you will feel better, too. I know it being an anniversary must be especially hard time. Just know you have many people here supporting you thru.

Mary

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Thanks, Mary.

The worst is living with the repercussions. They seem to be unlimited and have been slowly revealed so that the misery just increases. painful details. Finding out awful truths about things that were saíd and done of which I have no memory.

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It is hard, but remember that those repercussions are not your making. Someone did this to you, and it was wrong. It hurts more than you ever deserved, yes, but you are a survivor, just remember that. And here at AS, you are never alone.

Mary

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I am totally new. I've read most of what should be posted where. But am too foggy minded to know if I am doing this "right."

My fantasy is to find someone with a story similar to my own and hear all about how he or she completely recovered and kept his or her shit together without losing careers and spouses and all self respect and any sense of self worth.

And then I will simply emulate that.

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I feel u Banished I really do ....its hard but I feel its possible and we can all get there ....hard to put a time frame on it but maybe as time goes by we can handle memories or triggers better ...I'm hoping too ...u didn't cause it ....and u will heal ...maybe becuz its the anniversary u r feeling that way ....u will feel better once it passes ...glad u r sharing here and acknowledging how u r feeling will help u find ways to cope during times like this ...hang in there ...fully supporting u

Mary u put it so well ....very true !

Edited by Anya27
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We've been all totally knew at one time, and for many of us (me included) we are still quite new. Look around and get a feel for things. Read what you want and become a little more comfortable it. Post when you are ready. There really is no "right" way to do it, and you have a lot of support.

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I will be completely honest with my recovery. It took me 15 years to recover but I am not completely healed. I get those random days of uncontrollable depression and anxiety about the past and worrying about my future. I recovered at a faster rate as soon as I realized that I am not alone. There are many good people in this world that are supportive and loving! I am glad that you shared a part of your story. I am also new here but I was shadowing this forum for two years since I was nervous and feared judgement Until i saw how kind everyone was here! I know the past have affected our lives deeply but we cannot let the past take over us. We must find ways to stay strong and be positive!

There is no magic pill to recovery but it does not mean it's possible. There are many good people in this world that are loving and supportive! Always remember that you are not alone and you must play a part in your healing process. You may not know it but you already have support! I have total faith that you will find recovery! Always stay strong and remain positive! I know you can do this!

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Hey!

Welcome to Aftersilence!

I remember there was always a time in year where I used to feel horrible and lash out everyone and then later I discovered that it was because that was the prime time I related to what had happened in the previous years. Down the road (maybe a long way still ) it does get better. I think forgetting and repressing it makes it worse, instead we learn to make it into a memory in the past. I think you will find people here that will relate to you, and you'll be able to apply that to everyday life. But in the end it's about you making decisions and taking control.

Coming here was a great step. I hope you are able to start moving forward.

Mandy

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