Admitting You've Failed Is Hard...

[Lolli]

Hi, I'm not quite sure how to start...

I thought I was ok, all healed up and ready to go out in the big wide world as a survivor, but nope. I just feel so small and scared and alone and I just don't know how to deal with what going on in my head...

[euca]

Moving on after SA/CSA is not something most people can do with a shrug off. It isn't easy to pick yourself up, but to admit that is not a failure. In fact I have found that years of denial and trying to flippantly move on, was, in the end, counter productive. That was my failure. Trauma affects the brain. My real success is going to be when I have properly understood the trauma that I suffered and the impact it has had on my brain and consequently my life.

You might be different because everyone is, but I hope you don't think of your reasons for being here as something easy to move past, and berate yourself consequently for not doing so. It's good to talk. Welcome

[reglois]

What Euca says makes perfect sense, no way is it a failure to admit that you need help,

healing is full of ups and downs and no one can foresee how quickly they will it will happen.

There is no telling what will trigger a set back but you know you have already climbed that

mountain once before, sharpen your claws, stick them in and start climbing carefully, with

therapy if that is what is needed, there is no time limit.

[MeBeMary]

Hi Lolli,

Welcome to AS. I denied my trauma for 30 years, so it's ok. You have realized that you needed support and you've come to this site. This site is excellent in the way of support and kindness of it's members. You've taken a step today, a big step, and there will be many more to come. Healing is a journey and it really does start with that first step. I wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

[Lolli]

Thanks so much. I was part of this forum about 10 years ago and it was a great help then but it was that long ago that I had to sign up again cos I'd forgotten user names and passwords etc! I really did think I'd moved on but its all come flooding back. I'm going through some proper therapy now, which is scaring the life out of me because I've pretty much spent the last few years telling myself I'm fine.. Thank you all so much for your kind words. x

[ActivistAlly]

Hi Lolli

On behalf of the Newbie Support Team (NST) I'd like to welcome you back to After Silence (AS) and let you know that you can feel free to pm (private message) myself or any other NST member if you have any questions or problems and we will try our best to assist you as soon as we can!

I hope AS can continue to be a source of kind compassionate support for you as you journey the path of healing and recovery.

with all support,

Activist Ally

[Lolli]

Thank you. x