Dealing With Childhood Sexual Abuse After 28 Years

[teaandjenn]

Hi Everyone! Really glad I found this community.

My name is Jenn. I am a single mom to a beautiful 3 yr old boy who makes my whole world light up like a giant Christmas tree. I love crafting and writing. I've never really defined myself beyond this point before. Not easy to do.

I was sexually abused numerous times throughout my childhood/teen years which has led me through a life of bad decisions and a blurred view of love and passion. I've never been ready to face these issues until now.

I'm completely overwhelmed with memories from my childhood. It's like looking at my past through a glass of milk. Some are clear and some just feel like foggy fiction. I feel impatient with my memory at this point. I'm open to the memories coming but they just seem forced and unnatural. Hoping this is normal. I write and I go through photos but can't seem to get everything in order.

I've lived my entire life, until now, believing that my mother (one of my abusers) loved me. I've since learned that she's a sociopathic narcissist and my anger towards her is unbearable. Confronting her would only lead to lies and manipulation and I would end up feeling like the crazy one. (Is there a section in this forum for people who hate their parents? haha)

Hoping I can offer and receive support to/from this community.

Lovely to meet all of you!

P.S. I've never used a forum before. Where do I ask questions about using the forum?

[Sandycheeks]

Hi, I am sorry for what brought you here, but am glad that you found AS! The memories will come out as they are ready to,it is tough but that is how it works. I suggest getting a therapist, start to journal, This will help with your journey. I am sorry about your mother, you will find that some of us have issues with our mothers, and there should be a section where we deal with our crappy parents, lol.!

So welcome to AS

[NorskyCourtney]

Welcome here, jenn,

I'm very sorry for the reasons that have led you to AS today, but, I think you'll find it is a very supportive and safe, loving community to be part of. It is good to be able to connect with other survivors.

As far as asking questions about the forums, I believe there is a section called: "Happy Workers", or something along those lines, meant for moderators of this website to look at and answer questions. Another helpful thing is to just explore all of the forums and threads (some you will need a password for, which you would have to contact a moderator for). Browse the boards, and you may post in forums, or you may create your own thread in the appropriate section, based on whatever you're willing to open up about, wanting to ask, etc. It takes a bit of time to develop some relationships, and to get used to how everything works, but exploring is a good place to start.

Talk soon,

Courtney

[reglois]

sorry for the reasons that bring you here, as others have said memories

will come when they are good and ready or when you are good and ready, is more like it. I had my first memory

of CSA weeks ago and so far no more, I'm actually not complaining, if they come I will cope, if not brilliant

[jessielynn5]

Welcome and best wishes. I hope you are able to find the support you need.

[lucyinthesky]

[angelic]

Hello Jenn

welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the Newbie Support team here. If you have any questions about the board please contact me and I will do my best to help

take care, Paula

[sswalker88]

Im right there with you its been over 10 years for me and im not sure how to deal.

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.
Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found