Jump to content
Some browsers are having difficulty with functionality. Please try an alternative browser, if this is happening to you. If you are having connectivity issues beyond this or or need assistance, email us at: aftersilence.moderators@gmail.com! ×

Hi, Everyone


Recommended Posts

Hi, everyone,

I guess I'll start by saying that like many of the other newcomers, I'm a bit scared. I'm not sure if I really want to go into the details of what happened to me, yet anyhow.

In my case, my abuser was my partner, and the entire time I was with him I buried the pain of things he'd done to me, and I on some level believed that I had dealt with it, and the later abuse was more verbal and emotional, and I dished my share of that out on him, too. I really thought I was somehow okay and just in an awful relationship, and that if I could just get out, everything would be fine. I'd be fine, and eventually I'd likely start a normal, healthier relationship with someone else.

Fast forward to now, a few years into a new relationship with an amazing man. It didn't take long into the new relationship to start seeing the ramifications of holding in all that pain for so many years, the damage to my capacity to let go, to trust, to feel love for others and to feel loved in turn, and the effects on my sexuality. I find myself feeling so stuck, unable to figure out how to proceed forward. I have so much confusion over what sex should be (will go into more when I get more comfortable here), and when I think I have some idea of what I want, I have no idea how to make it happen because I've become so dysfunctional in this respect. I've come to deal with all kinds of pain by just escaping, through addictions (to food mainly, and TV shows), and I really want to learn how to have a healthier relationship with myself, my body, my sexuality, my loved ones, and my world. It's heartbreaking to me how much past hurts, not just from my abuser but from harmful attitudes from the world at large, have robbed me of the ability to feel joy, to feel wonder, even just to feel anything, period, sometimes. I don't feel safe in this world anymore, except in very few places; I'm constantly on guard when I'm out. I don't want to get stuck identifying as a victim; I want to accept my pain, learn from it, heal, move on, and help others through their pain.

I hope that's not too much for an introduction. I feel like I could go on and on, that there's so much more to say, but I'll leave that for another post.

Link to post

HI Maplesunrise,

I'm glad that you were brave enough to post an introduction even though you are a bit scared. You're right in that many of us...most...perhaps everyone was a bit scared at first in joining and posting here. I hope you will feel safer and more confident as you look around AS (After Silence).

That was a great introduction and I'm glad you told us a little about yourself. This public welcome forum is a public thread, but, please know that the other forums are private for members only so though you did a general intro here you will want to post in the member only forums when you're ready to say more. It sounds like you have a lot more to say and to sort out. I can speak from experience that sometimes it helps to get it all written out instead of just letting all those confusing thoughts spin around inside my own mind endlessly. :)

I totally hear you about using ways like eating and tv shows to escape and believe it or not there are some much less healthy ways of coping!!! I'm sure that you've done the best you could in the face of terrible circumstances and awful pain so please be kind to yourself okay?

Welcome to AS!

Activist Ally

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...